Ridonculous Race: Total Drama Edition!
by Indio Belga
Summary: In the Ridonculous Race, 28 Teams made from contestants of Total Drama and their relatives travel around the world to try to get One Million Dollars. Up Now: Iceland! (E: If it wasn't obvious, this is cancelled, sorry guys!)
1. None Down, Twenty-Eight to Go

**Timeline:** This replaces RR. Same route, same challenges, different teams.

 **Canon:** In this Canon, Owen/Beth/Heather/Cameron/Zoey/Shawn are the official winners.

* * *

 **RIDONCULOUS RACE**

 **Episode 1 - None Down, Twenty-Eight to Go**

* * *

DON  
This is Toronto, the capital of North America, birthplace of funk, where the Albino Panther roams free. Beneath my manly-sized 13 Brogues, 28 teams are arriving at this historic train station ready to embark on a race around the world.

DON  
I'm your host, Don, and this is- the Ridonculous Race.

 ***THEME SONG PLAYS***

DON  
Welcome to the Ridonculous Race. Right now, 28 teams from across the country are readying themselves to embark on a race to the death.

*Static on his microphone*

DON  
Not to the death? *Static* Okay. Let's meet the teams that AREN'T racing to the death.

Camera cuts to a train. We stop by Lindsay and Paula. Lindsay is doing her make-up while Paula is on her cellphone.

DON (Voice-Over)

Lindsay and Paula, ditzy-glitzy-glamour sisters. They're the complete package, beauty and br- never mind.

LINDSAY

So, back in Total Drama I ended up spilling some secrets about my sister, Paula…

PAULA  
It, like, wasn't a fun month in high school after that. All the dates that I got would like, offer me toilet paper before we started. Rude.

LINDSAY  
But now you will not believe how super tight we are. We're back to telling each other everything and it's so great! I mean, can you imagine how embarassing it must have been when Paula told me she got to a date three hours earlier because she read the note inviting her upside down? I mean, that's something you really only tell your best friend.

PAULA  
Lindsay, come on, you've did it again!

LINDSAY

Did what?

We stop by Trent and Justin. A fan passes by and they sign an autograph.

DON (Voice-Over)  
Ex-Drama Brothers and brothers in dramatic exes, Trent and Justin!

TRENT

World Tour had our reunion hit as the Drama Brothers and it was what was needed to skyrocket us into fame once again.

JUSTIN  
Yeah the Drama Brothers split up, but it was a good thing! Well, for us at least. Cody and Harold weren't that lucky. Sierra was Cody's own Yoko Ono and Harold, well, let's just be polite and say he's not cut out for fame.

TRENT

But me and Justin got together into a duo and managed to pull through and now we're selling. Like a lot!

JUSTIN  
And I'm back to getting my model contracts, baby.

TRENT  
We're going into the race as part of our new tour, and every location we go to we're going to be making a show.

JUSTIN  
Spot on. But tell me, does my chin look fat?

We stop at Sugar and her mom, Sparkle. Sparkle is putting make-up on Sugar as she closes her eyes.

DON (Voice-Over)

Ugh, eh, Sugar and Sparkle, mother and daughter, and beauty pageant runner-ups for 16-years in a row. That's gotta hurt.

SUGAR  
I may 'ave lost Pahkitew Island but that's because Chris was a biased judge! He couldn't recognize my talen't!

SPARKLE  
That's right sweetie, it was exactly that.

SUGAR  
So we're ditchin' this ol' Total Drama competition that's all based on' luck and not reel' beauty and grace. Me and my mom are goin' for something that recquires skill!

SPARKLE

That's right, sweetie, exactly.

SUGAR  
No one will stop us in the race when we tag team together because we're going to win!

SPARKLE *Puts make-up more and more forcefully*

Yes, and you need to look pretty for it sweetie, need to look prettier and WORK HARDER, SWEETIE!

SUGAR  
Ow, ma', you're hurtin' my cheeks! My cheekybones!

Camera stops on Tyler and Eva, Tyler's bumping up and down on his seat and Eva pushes him down, breaking the seat in the process.

DON (Voice-Over)

Tyler and Eva, the Jocks. Tyler tries at least. Let's give him that.

TYLER  
Total Drama World Tour was a bust. They kicked me out and kept Duncan, who was already known to be a lying backstabber. Well, Alejandro, look at where that got you!

EVA  
The final two, dumbass?

TYLER  
Well, ugh-

EVA *Pushes him out a bit*

Stop complaining, look at me! I HAVEN'T COMPETED IN THE SHOW SINCE ISLAND. YOU THINK YOU HAVE IT ROUGH, PUNK?

She breathes in, and tries to calm down

EVA  
So I'm going for this race thing, which is more of my style, no holding back. Too bad the only person that even considered being my partner was this dead weight here.

TYLER  
Hey, I'm no dead weight, I'm 150 pounds of pure awesome. But yeah, Eva's like one of the best jocks that I know. If I can keep up with her, I can keep up with anything! It's the ultimate training method and I will be a star in no time!

EVA  
Keep telling yourself that, punk... but hey, thanks for joining with me.

We pan to another team in the train.

On a particular set of dirt-filled seats, we stop by Scott and Albertha, who are kicking the seat in front of them and when the person in front of them turns around, pretending there's nothing happening.

DON (Voice-Over)

Scott and Albertha, brother and sister from the barn.

SCOTT

Two seasons, Top Four in both. That takes skills. The only thing that stopped me from winning both times was that damned Zoey.

ALBERTHA  
So first order of business, we take any redheaded chick out.

SCOTT

That's right, Al, you're getting into the spirit of things. It's not personal, but we hate Zoey and think she's a terrible person.

ALBERTHA

Vengeance runs in the family. There was this one guy that didn't want to share his lunch with me and we stuffed him into the School Bell. He was in there for weeks.

SCOTT

Dad was so pissed when we took him out of there.

On a seat ahead we stop on Rodney and Debbie. Debbie is looking out the window while Rodney looks at her romantically.

DON (Voice-Over)  
And speaking of farm people, Rodney and Debbie, the daters. Or Rodney thinks they are, I think? I don't know, seriously, who can understand what he wrote down in the application sheet.

RODNEY

Picking Debbie for the race was definitely a good thing. It will definitely improve our relationship!

DEBBIE  
Yeah, for one he actually talked to me instead of just peeking at me from the distance. We may now even become friends!

RODNEY

That's a starting step!

DEBBIE  
But I'm curious why you picked me to be your team, we never really talked much.

RODNEY  
Well, eh, ah, I know that we probably would get along together, and, eh, it was just a matter of time, and, eh…

RODNEY (silently, Debbie's mind wanders away from Rodney)  
Mary Jane, Sarah, Tulip and Daisy were all busy.

DEBBIE  
Sorry, come again?

We stop by Josh and Topher, cameras ready, who are trying to take a picture from the other teams.

DON (Voice-Over)  
Josh and Topher, the team that I'm probably going to fear the most throughout the race, the Papparazzi.

TOPHER *Completely bitter*

Josh is a great guy. Seriously, he's a gem. I was so blinded by how shiny Chris teeth was that I didn't see his rotten exterior. When I didn't got to replace Chris, guess who got the Topher out of the dumps?

JOSH  
You guessed, it was me, ex-Celebrity Manhunt host, Josh! Topher seemed like the perfect dude to replace Blaineley. He's sneaky, he's young eye candy and he's just as catty as Blaineley!

TOPHER  
Now we're doing great! I already got revenge on Chris by taking some pictures he really doesn't wanna see, and we're ready to start the blackmailing.

JOSH  
Chris, if you're seeing this, you better answer your phone! He's not kidding. We do stoop down that low!

TOPHER  
Just give us the tasty headlines, McLean, because for the Topher from now on, that's all the matters, and it's why we're in the race, to catch some extra tasty scoops.

JOSH

That and to provoke some catfights, meow.

On a seat ahead we stop by Cameron and Jo. Jo is a bit tired and stretches her arms, Cameron instinctively ducks.

DON (voice-over)  
The awkward and incompatible mixture of Brains and Brawns. Cameron and Jo.

JO

Cameron's a wimp. But he managed to outsmart me and outlast me. Kid got guts.

CAMERON  
Oh, thanks, Jo! Usually by this point you'd be already bashing me. Was All-Stars a humbling experience?

JO *completely bitter, trying to forget it happened*  
What All-Stars? No Season named All-Stars happened. Jo is nothing less than an end-gamer and I refuse anything other than that. And this time will be no different. It's a race, I'm a jock and this is what jocks were born to do.

CAMERON  
And I'm a brainiac, this is the opposite of what a brainiac was born to do.

JO  
And this is why you have me here kid. You work the social, I work the challenges. It's win-win! Of course, it's a 60-40 split of the million for my side.

CAMERON  
Hey! That is not fair at all, how do you expect me to cooperate with such stipulations in place!

JO

You sure you can race five steps on your own without falling? 60-40, take it or leave it, nerd for brains.

The train stops. Out of the train comes Scarlett and Max. Max is laughing maniacally until Scarlett makes him trip. She laughs maniacally after.

DON (Voice-Over)

Scarlett and Max, the evil geniuses. Wait, didn't she try to blow up an island? Why are we letting her into this show?

SCARLETT *nerdy, calm voice*  
Pahkitew proved to be an interesting experiment. I certainly lost my temper over there and part of it could definitely be thanks to this one here.

MAX  
Chris wouldn't recognize EVIIIIL as a valid strategy. Shame on him, I must say, it is us who bring in the ratings. Nobody watches for the goody two-shoes waltzing their way to the victory as they shower them with praises and the million. The FOOL!

SCARLETT

Yes… one could say that…But months after Pahkitew ended, Max called me asking us to go into this race. After the events that transpired, I had no idea why he wouldn't be scared out of his mind to even consider such an option.

MAX

Why it's obvious, I recognize your evil as worthy of moi! If we team up together for real this time around, for sure we can take over anything we wish!

SCARLETT  
...I only accepted his offer because otherwise I'm not being accepted into any plane flights as a possible threat.

MAX  
And now we shall go around the world becoming the supreme leader of each country and spreading EVIL all across the world, right, sidekick?

SCARLETT

Max, remember what we discussed?

MAX *suddenly scared*  
Oh yes, yes, do not call you sidekick otherwise you'll take out your glasses. I remember it now.

We stop by Katie and Sadie, also leaving the train, they are holding their hands together and skipping.

DON (Voice-Over)

Best Friends For Life and Forever After as Well Even After Death, Katie and Sadie. Boy, that's a mouthful. Couldn't they say best pals and leave it at that?

SADIE  
Ohmigoshohmigoshohmigosh!

KATIE  
Ohmigoshohmigoshohmigosh!

SADIE  
We're SO hyped for this! We haven't had a chance to compete since Island!

KATIE  
Oh yes, and we've matured so much in the meantime!

SADIE  
Like, totally, girl, we're definitely smarter and more rational people now, but we're still best friends for like, forever!

KATIE

Oh, I know, right! I already got a birth certificate that says my first daugther will be named Sadie!

SADIE  
Oh, that's so totally sweet! But what if it's a guy?

KATIE  
Oh, he can live with that name!

They hug and squee once more.

DON (Voice-over)

One lives in constant fear zombies will come from down under, and one IS from the land down under. Jasmine and Shawn, the Survivalists.

JASMINE  
You kno', ever since Pahkitew Island brought us together, we realized that we sort of live for the thrill.

SHAWN  
And let me tell you, fighting some stuff on the outback is way harder than any zombie situation I ever faced!

JASMINE

You kno' you match with your boy' when you ask him to spend a week out on the idol with barely any supplies and he accepts!

SHAWN

I mean, it's not like we wouldn't handle it, but I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic and I don't think anything tops watching the starry sky while fending off from dangerous beasts.

JASMINE

This race is just another way for us to seek adrenaline and to meet new places! I dunno if any places tops Australia but we might as well give it a try!

SHAWN  
Also search for possible hiding places! You'll never know where you'll be when the zombie outbreak strikes.

JASMINE *a bit visibly peeved*

Yes, that too.

On the station, we stop by Chris and Blaineley, fighting over who stays in front.

DON (Voice-Over)

Washed-up hosts, Chris and Blaineley. Yes, the washed-up was my addition, but on this situation, I think it's okay to be biased.

BLAINELEY  
Hey, Blainerrific, here, bringing the sass and ready to kick ass.

CHRIS  
Yes, Blaineley, keep blabbing on about how great you think you are when you totally aren't, that makes for wonderful TV. And on that note, yo, Chris here, awesome host from Total Drama, and best host ever totally beating whoever's hosting this show.

BLAINELEY

Talk about an inflated ego.

CHRIS  
You were a paparazzi! If anyone knows anything of having a big sense of self-importance, I think that's you.

BLAINELEY  
Really? Don't you still sleep next to those golden statues of yourself? If you ask me, that's the bottom of the barrel.

CHRIS  
Why did I even have to sign-up for this?

BLAINELEY  
Your ratings fell, so they thought they should make a cross-over with someone from an actual popular show, Blaineley Brother.

CHRIS  
Yeah, you just got lucky into getting to host that show, you washed-up hag, Mildred.

BLAINELEY  
Why you!

She jumps at him and begins to hit him.

CHRIS  
Ah, NOT THE HAIR!

Cut to Zoey and Vivi, who are walking and sharing some tarot cards.

DON (Voice-over)  
The indie chicks, Zoey and Vivi. Up to their neck in the occult and obscure niche garage bands.

ZOEY  
Though All-Stars was great for me and Mike's relationship, sometimes we feel like the competition made us get too close too fast. I mean, imagine when we tell our kids these stories, all they're gonna care is about who won.

VIVI  
Woah, kids? Aren't you jumping the gun there a little bit, hon?

ZOEY  
Oh, really? Am I doing it again?

VIVI  
Yeah. Basically what Zoey here is trying to say is - she's tired of Mike, get a clue, dude!

ZOEY *giggles a bit*  
Oh, don't go around saying that stuff!

VIVI  
She's right, she's right, heh, she just feels like they need some breathing room. So she called me to the competition instead and we'll indie rock it out!

ZOEY  
I still don't know why they'd label me the 'Indie Chick' if they wouldn't show me doing anything like it. I mean, they probably had hours of footage of me messing with my tarot cards in my cabin.

VIVI

And you think they didn't show it why?

A cabin with Ella and Dawn arrives, Ella singing pays the fare and birds fly around them.

DON  
Also competing is Dawn, Ella and these woodland creatures. Seriously, these girls are like animal magnets, how come nobody did a study on those yet?

ELLA  
*Humming* Pahkitew Island was just such a blast, but me keeping on singing sealed my fate at last.

DAWN  
...I still think it was quite unfair of Chris to do something like that.

ELLA  
*A bit more dramatic* Oh yes! But to my dismay, the rules were then set and the price I should pay.

DAWN  
So me and Ella met each other on the woods and we're friends since! We want to win so we can build a shelter for all the poor woodland creatures that don't get the respect their deserve.

ELLA  
A musical shelter for woodland creatures! *Hums a little bit more*

DAWN  
We're still discussing on that part.

Another cab arrives, and Leshawna and Leshaniqua leave it, strutting.

DON (Voice-Over)  
Leshawna and Leshaniqua, cousins and girls with the attitude.

LESHAWNA  
What's up my homies, Leshawna's in the house again! And this time it's double brown sugar!

LESHANIQUA

Still don't know why I didn't get a call from any modeling agency from my appearance in Total Drama Action. Let me tell you that I rocked those clothes.

LESHAWNA  
You certainly did, sister! But I'm sorry that all the attention was obviously drawn to me. You'll get there one day!

LESHANIQUA  
Oh no, you didn't! Come 'on here. *She gives Leshawna a noogie, Leshawna laughs* You know I'm the elder and you better respect me young lady! You don't really have a shining history on reality-shows.

LESHAWNA  
You tellin' me? I stooped down to competing in some stuff with skinny boy Tyler! We gotta redeem ourselves in this one, and this time the chocolate train ain't stoppin' for nothin'

LESHANIQUA  
Yeah, let's roll all the way to the finish!

LESHAWNA  
Aw, yeah, we 'in da house, sister!

Another cab arrives. Chef Hatchet comes stomping out while Brick marches after him.

DON (Voice-Over)  
Chef Hatchet and Brick McArthur, military cadets, except one is a scaredy-cat and one is a cook and one of the most dangerous man in all Canada.

CHEF *Screaming at the camera*

WHAT? DO YOU THINK JUST BECAUSE I BECAME A COOK I SUDDENLY FORGOT ALL THE THINGS I LEARNED IN THE MILITARY? YOU GOT SOME GUTS, MAGGOT!

BRICK *salutes*  
YES SIR, I'M SORRY SIR

CHEF  
I'm not talking about you maggot, you're an inspiration. When you came to me after Revenge to learn some of my discipline and my attitude I almost shed a tear. But I didn't because that's FOR CRYBABIES.

BRICK

Yes SIR! Won't shed a tear, shedding tear is for babies!

CHEF  
Not even through the pain! You gotta hold the tears in and if you gotta you push the tear back inside!

BRICK  
Affirmative sir, I'll follow your sayings to the ends of the earth sir!

CHEF

Also, you can drop the sir thing, it's flattering but it's actually getting a bit uncomfortable.

DJ and Momma step out of another cab. DJ goes to cross the street but his mom slaps his wrist and points to the red stoplight.

DON

Momma and Momma's boy, cook and apprentice, but both very much polite people if you don't tug at the wrong strings, Devon Joseph and Momma Joseph.

DJ

Every Total Drama season brought a side inside of me that I didn't really know I had. Sometimes it felt like I was running away from what my Momma taught me.

MOMMA  
I mean, making an illegal alliance? I didn't raise no kid to be like that!

DJ  
Mom, that was ages ago!

MOMMA  
His ear was sore for at least a month, I didn't raise no kid to be a wuss either.

DJ  
Ever since then, life was simple, I was going through this rehabilitation phase, learning the ropes again, and Momma finally says I'm ready to go to a reality-show again!

MOMMA  
Yes, and let's see what you learned, boy! You've finally are becoming a man.

DJ  
I really wish I heard that before I was 20.

Alejandro and Heather walk up to the starting line. They smile at each other peacefully.

DON (Voice-over)  
The snakiest snakes to ever snake on reality-show history, Alejandro and Heather. You better watch out, most likely, they're poisonous.

HEATHER  
Look, I know our history. Sometimes we're competitive. Sometimes we're impulsive. Alejandro here, for example, idoled me out in All-Stars

ALEJANDRO  
Obviously only for the fact you tried to get everyone to vote me out, but proceed.

HEATHER  
Still, look at our track record. I got kicked out in Island based on a technicality and I definitely won in World Tour, no matter what some people like to say.

ALEJANDRO  
Sure, hon.

HEATHER  
Alejandro also was a runner-up and got 6th place in his second season, but only because he tried being cryptic. And in the season he was a runner-up, I was first place, so he would definitely had won if I wasn't there.

ALEJANDRO  
Does anybody else love how she's forgetting the two times she didn't even make the merge?

HEATHER  
We know how these competitions work and we'll slit the throat of anyone who gets in our way. Simple as that.

ALEJANDRO  
In that, we pretty much can agree. We own this.

Mike and his uncle, Vinnie, are walking to the starting line. Mike looks happy.

DON (Voice-over)  
Mike and Vinnie, uncle and nephew. We'll totally skim the fact that Mike had MPD because that's not kosher.

MIKE  
Multiple Mike. Mal. Chester was the best. I can't even count how many nicknames I have related to my personalities based on the two seasons I spent on Total Drama. Sure, I got pretty far on both, but that's not really what people count on the internet.

VINNIE

Told you to stay out of there and help me with my car shop.

MIKE  
The same goes for me regarding Zoey. Zoke, Zoey worshipper, nothing but Zoey, yeah, they are less creative, but they are there for a reason. I was just about Zoey in my seasons, but can you blame me? Zoey's amazing!

VINNIE

Oh, so that's the name of your little girlfriend? She seems nice, have you done it yet?

MIKE  
Uncle Vinnie! Is that something to ask on TV?

VINNIE  
Oh, so you HAVE done it. Man, Mike, you pretend to be nice but you're a naughty one, huh?

MIKE  
Uncle, stop that! You know me, I wouldn't admit to something like that on TV.

VINNIE  
Alright, I'm just teasing 'ya, that's basically an uncle's job you know. Payback for the years you skipped out helping me in the shop.

MIKE

Heh, okay, back on track, instead of joining the race with Zoey, I'm joining it with my uncle, who I haven't met in a while. For some reason only Vito knew him, but he's real.

VINNIE  
Oh, yes, I'm real. Raw and real as can be, nephew!

MIKE  
...let's just hope Manitoba's wife isn't real now, otherwise we have a problem.

Gwen and her little brother, Thomas, are walking up.

DON (Voice-over)  
Goth sister and wannabe goth brother, Gwen and Thomas. We were going to label them the fake goths, but production said it'd be pushing too far.

THOMAS  
First rule of the race?

GWEN *Sighs*  
No boys, yeah, I get it.

THOMAS

Good. You're supposed to be a goth, dark, brooding, loner. Let's put you on the right direction.

GWEN *Sighs*

Do you really think a real goth would be taking lectures from her little brother?

THOMAS  
I don't know if she would, but that sigh right now was MUCH better than the ones a week ago. Come on, make me proud. We don't want a repeat where mom gets another girl to pretend it's you in the house since you were "not yourself lately"

GWEN

Yeah, yeah, I know. Total Drama changes people. Whatever you say.

THOMAS  
I mean, what kind of Goth would date a preppy or a straight-up punk?

GWEN *rolls her eyes*  
Me, for I am a fake goth and I need my little brother - who may I add, hasn't even gotten through puberty and doesn't know what pain is - to put me back on the one true way. Look, the last bit is seriously creepy. Also, if you wanna be a goth, Thomas isn't really a good name.

THOMAS  
You said something, Heather? And I don't mean the 'new one'. Or is that not your name anymore?

GWEN  
Shhh, you take that back right now you punk. I mean, eh, whatever.

THOMAS

Good, be more non-chalant, like a real goth, instead of hooking up with someone one season and breaking up with them in the next. *he realizes something* Oh no, this is your fifth season, are you ALREADY planning on hooking up with someone?

GWEN  
Just what is wrong with you.

We cut to two crazy chicks doing somersaults on the street. One is INCREDIBLY old but is still spry.

DON (Voice-over)  
Is that a centenary? My god, how's she so fit? Izzy and Mavis everyone, our resident nutjobs. I mean seriously, look at Mavis go.

IZZY  
Remember my great-great-grandmother Mavis? Who I was a reincarnation of? Turns out she's not dead, but I'm STILL a reincarnation of her!

MAVIS  
I know it seems completely crazy but trust me, it makes sense somehow. You just don't need to know.

IZZY  
Yes, shhhh, shhh, silly viewer. That is not information your puny brains can comprehend. We're protecting you! Also we just don't really wanna talk about it, it's really really boring.

MAVIS  
It all started back in Scotland, over 100 years ago. I was just a wee lad and like any newborn Scot I had to collect a scale of the Loch Ness Monster so I wouldn't be sacrificed to the great golden dragon.

IZZY  
That though is one story I'll NEVER get tired of hearing. Oh boy, the part where the knight in the platinum armor appears always give me shivers! It's insane!

Begins spinning around

IZZY  
Look everybody, I'm Izzy Dizzy!

MAVIS  
Oh, that's easy, Izzy Dizzy! Check what this pile of bones can do!

She begins spinning around as well. The spinning tornadoes meet up in the middle and they are thrown into the camera.

We cut to Jose (Alejandro's Brother) and Damien (Heather's Brother). They are rubbing their hands deviously.

DON (Voice-Over)  
Meet Jose and Damien - the only team to NOT have a Total Drama Contestant. They are the second bananas. The ignored brothers in the reality world. But they were pushed around for far too long and now they'll have their revenge! *Pause* They actually wrote all that. And an evil laugh that oh boy, I'm skipping.

JOSE  
Alejandro may have knocked me out cold for trash talking his trashy girlfriend but that was beginner's luck. He was always below me, and that was just an exception that MUST be corrected.

DAMIEN  
Yo, trashy girlfriend? That's my sister you're talking about it.

JOSE  
And I take it you don't have any complaints?

DAMIEN  
Hah, you got me. No way, Heather is absolute garbage. She pushed me around to do her bidding so she could go to her parties and pretend like she was worth something. Pathetic, if you ask me.

JOSE  
I didn't ask, but that's because that's a clear fact. Same goes for my brother. Oh, Al, Al. If he thinks he has a perfect life now, winning a small reality-show and dating a snake that is very likely to cheat on him if someone charms her over *he winks*, but he's about to be taken for a ride.

DAMIEN  
A very bumpy ride.

They laugh maniacally.

We cut to Anne Maria and a really hunky guy (even more tanned) accompanying her.

DON (Voice-Over)

Anne Maria and Jason, Jersey shore rejects and Tan Buddies. By that I think they mean peeps who go to tanning salons together, to which I think that's a really stupid thing to label yourselves.

ANNE MARIA  
Yo, eyes over here on the prize. Anne Maria's back with her bestie Jason, y'know, we're in to win it this time. I was in it to win it last time but I got a bit distracted with some stuff.

JASON  
Girl over here got her eyes on a fake jewel and quit the game for no reason even though she had it in *snaps fingers* the *snaps fingers* bag.

ANNE MARIA  
What can I say, me like the shinies, honey! Can you blame me, that was a big rock!

JASON

A rock that amounted to nothing, uh-uh, but I get 'ya. We just need to focus now as we travel around the world. Maybe hit some beaches.

ANNE MARIA

And ruin my perfectly natural artifical tan? No thanks, boo!

A police car arrives. From it, Duncan is lead out (he's in cuffs) by his parole officer.

DON (Voice-over)  
A delinquent and his parole officer, Duncan and Chase. Seriously, are we really getting some of these teams in prison?

DUNCAN

Jail bites but at least I managed to prove that I still got what it takes. Ain't no sweetheart, Chris, hope you learned that by now!

CHASE  
You really think it was worth it?

DUNCAN  
No, no, it sucks and I'm SO SO GLAD you got me outta there bud. I wouldn't know what to do, really! I learned my lesson, I don't need to prove I am a delinquent, I'm one by nature!

CHASE  
Watch out, you're still in probation, punk. This race is to see if you're rehabilitated for the normal world or if you still got your delinquent tendencies and is a threat to society. Three strikes and you're out, bud.

DUNCAN  
And if we win, do I get to keep the million?

CHASE  
What, no, I get half of it, punk, other half goes towards your bail.

DUNCAN  
Aw man, was hoping you wouldn't notice it. Now I may hate you officers and all, but for half a mil let's work together as best as we can.

CHASE  
Are you kidding me? Half a mil is more than I'd make it in a life-time with this job. Dude, we're in it 'til the end.

DUNCAN  
Does that mean I can commit some crimes if it help us get further in the race?

CHASE  
Don't push it.

Coming out bouncing a ball is Lightning and Darnell.

DON (Voice-over)  
Professional Coach and Junior Athlete, and, let's not forget to mention, father and son, Lightning and Darnell.

LIGHTNING *Super bitter*

Revenge of the Island was sha-rigged for the brainy boy and in Shall-Stars Jo had it out for me and the whole team believe his lousy words. So what do I have in my track record? Two disappointing non-victories, which are the same as losses! I can't go on disappointing my pops!

DARNELL

At least you were an All-Stars, you're not a complete failure yet.

LIGHTNING  
It's good that I got a sliver of hope here but Sha-Lightning ain't here to play anymore. One way or another I gotta make pops sha-proud of me, everything's counting on this.

DARNELL  
I'll whip you back into shape if you begin to slip up, kiddo.

LIGHTNING  
Thanks pops! I knew I could count on you!

DARNELL  
No touching. You know how much these rings cost?

LIGHTINING

Oh, yeah, sha-shure...

Sky and Cloud do a bunch of gymnast moves before getting to the starting line.

DON  
Yes, very flashy, steal the scene. Closing on the last three teams, we have Sky and Cloud, the olympians. Let's all stop and give them some applause.

SKY  
Not winning in Pahkitew was definitely something I wasn't expecting but I guess it all came down to me slipping from the competition and trusting Dave would be rational.

CLOUD  
You're asking a teenage boy to be rational, though, that was pretty impossible.

SKY  
I know, I know! And though Shawn was a strong competitor, I definitely should have had the upper hand. The "helper" thing was rigged against me.

CLOUD  
No! *She slaps her* No talk about rigging! If you're good enough, you overcome the rigging!

SKY  
You're right. No excuses, no distractions, no boys.

CLOUD  
That's my sister. Now let's get out there and cream some chumps.

Bridgette and Courtney walk up to the starting line.

DON  
Bridgette and Courtney. Used to be best of friends but grew apart and hope the race can help them overcome all their issues.

COURTNEY  
Bridgette and I were great friends in Island, but season by season we just lost that connection.

BRIDGETTE *sadly*  
Doesn't help that she got a bit of a temper.

COURTNEY *hurt/defensive*  
Yes, I know, I'm a flawed person. I get it. You don't need to rub it in. Even leaders have flaws.

BRIDGETTE *earnest*  
You have to acknowledge the problems if you wanna bridge this gap between us. All I'm really hearing is you trying to justify yourself.

COURTNEY *exasperated/hut*  
You're right. There is no justification, I'm terrible. Is that what you want to hear?

BRIDGETTE *exasperated/sad*  
Are you trying to rebuild bridges or are you trying to make us end like your friendship with Gwen?

COURTNEY *calmer/sighs*

...ugh, having friends is so hard.

BRIDGETTE *calmer/understanding*  
Isn't meant to be easy.

A limosine finally pulls up. Dakota, garbed wonderfully, and her daddy, garbed wonderfully in a suit, arrive.

DON  
And our last time, millionare Phillip Phillips and his golden daughter, Dakota.

Both stop and wave to the camera.

DAKOTA  
Daddy got me back into the game as an intern in Revenge, and that's how I met Sam, and though he wasn't really too fond of Sam at the start we learned that Sam is a good programmer and now he works for Daddy!

PHILLIPS  
That's right sweetie. You deserve that at least after suffering a horrible mutation. If you had to stay that way I was probably going to disown you! Glad my little doll is back to normal.

DAKOTA  
Oh daddy, you ALWAYS know what to say! Sure, being a wrestler was fun and it got me some money, and Sam loved it, but it wasn't something I could stay as my whole life. Thankfully Sam accepted me as a non-mutant, he's got a heart of gold. So do you dad, thank you for doing this with me since Sam can't come!

PHILLIPS  
I believe he really just didn't want to disappoint you, or, in his words "I was 10th in my first season and 11th in my second. If this keeps up, I'm going to be a first boot soon!"

DAKOTA  
Awww… Sam, if you're watching this, I love you!

PHILLIPS  
Sam, if you're watching this, I already began planning the wedding.

Cut back to the starting line. Don begins his spiel.

DON  
Welcome contestants! This is the starting line for your 25-part race around the world. Each part ends on a chillzone! Get there fast, because the last team to arrive may be cut from the competition.

Everyone is shocked.

DON  
But the first team to reach our last chillzone will win one million dollars!

They all cheer! Don points them towards the Don Box.

DON  
Look over here! This is our Ridonculous Tip Box, also known as the 'Don Box'. Press this button to get the travel tips that will lead you through the Ridonculous Race.

After everyone is ready he pumps them up for the start one last time.

DON  
Ready teams? On your marks, get set! RACE!

They all set off. In the lead we can see Lightning and Pops, Duncan and Chase and Eva and Tyler, with Eva pushing everyone out of the way.

EVA  
Move it, twerps!

She punches the button and almost breaks it.

EVA  
Oops, heh. *She gets the clue* Race on foot to the CN Tower-

JO

-and find the Don Box to get your next tip. Move it string bean!

CAMERON  
Jo, you know I'm not good at racing! Look at my tiny legs, it's physics!

JO  
Then come here! *She picks him up and begins going*

CAMERON

Woah! Though I'm not that fond of the decision it's probably the best one, yeah. I surrender.

Teams begin running by each other. Lots of them already noticed their fellow previous contestants but are trying not to let that get in the way. Gwen and Thomas pass Courtney and Bridgette and Courtney tries to catch Gwen's attention, but she rolls her eyes.

THOMAS  
Eye rolling, nice, very goth-y.

LIGHTNING  
Look, pops, there's the tower!

The first batch of teams (Eva/Tyler, Jo/Cameron, Lightning/Pops, Heather/Alejandro, Sky/Cloud, Shawn/Jasmine, Duncan/Chase) reach the tower.

EVA  
Either or? What's that supposed to mean?

We cut to Don inside the tower.

DON  
An either or lets the team pick between one of two tasks. In this case they can choose Stairs, in which they have to climb just under a billion stairs, or Scares, where they take the elevator up but need to do a full lap around the skywalk. Either way, they need to talk to this attendant to get their next tip.

EVA  
Both seem like easy tasks. Let's do Stairs.

JO  
She ain't gonna beat my pace. Let's go, string bean, stairs!

CAMERON  
Wait, Jo, no! You know how hard is it going to be for me to climb this many stairs? Think logically, we gotta go for scares!

JO

Yeah, you're right, you do suck. I keep forgetting that.

JASMINE  
Scares?

SHAWN  
It's a really tall tower, but then again, that's precisely why we're doing it, right?

They begin running into the CN tower. Sky/Cloud, Tyler/Eva and Lightning/Pops go for stairs, while Shawn/Jasmine, Duncan/Chase, Heather/Alejandro and Jo/Cameron pick scares.

The scare people look at each other.

HEATHER

Look, we're all against each other, yeah, but for these first few rounds all we need to do is NOT come in last. What do you all say we have a small alliance for this beginning?

ALEJANDRO  
Already striking a deal. She really goes for it, that's why I like her.

JASMINE  
I don't know, should we Shawn?

SHAWN  
I'm not sure, but as she says, we just don't need to be last for now.

JO  
Forget it, Heather, I know who you really are! I'm not going, it's me and string bean all the way to the finish.

HEATHER *clearly tongue-in-cheek*  
Well, going alone certainly got you far in All-Stars, didn't it?

JO *bitter as all heck*  
Cram it, Stormy Heather, this is a race and it's my turf, you prep.

HEATHER  
You didn't just say that.

JO  
Oh, but I did.

ALEJANDRO  
Calm down ladies, let's not cause some trouble between us, uh? Instead of an alliance, what about we just don't hinder each other for now?

DUNCAN  
I'm into that. Let's hinder the other teams instead.

 **Duncan deviously rubs his hands on the confessional. Chase slaps the back of his head.**

Cut to the teams at the stairs.

EVA  
Pick up the pace or you'll never match me, Tyler!

TYLER  
Alright, I'm trying!

LIGHTNING  
Lightning and pops are Sha-First! Ain't you proud of us pops?

EVA  
Try second, you sha-sham!

LIGHTNING  
What? No one calls the Lightning a sham! I'm gonna get you, dude!

 **LIGHTNING (CONF)  
Seriously, what's the matter with these dudes getting up in Lightning's business? First there was Jo and now this Eve dude.**

 **DARNELL (CONF)  
Uh, Lightning, I think it's about time I taught you the birds and the bees.**

 **/**

 **SKY (CONF)  
Sure we want to be first, but do we want to get between Eva and Lightning?**

CLOUD (CONF)  
You light a match there and there whole room lights on fire because boy there were sparks flying!

DON (Voice-Over)

While the 7 leading teams are already on their way up the tower, the remaining 21 hit the bottom of the elevator and are making their choice.

CHEF  
Stairs, we ain't waiting for two trips!

SCOTT  
...yeah, I'm with you. Let's go, Al, these stairs should be nothing!

JOSE  
Al?

ALBERTHA  
That's me!

JOSE

Oh… wait, really?

 **JOSE (CONF)  
Al-bertha? Oh, that's good. Oh, that's really good!**

 **He and Damien laugh out loud.**

IZZY  
Aww, I wanna do both!

MAVIS  
Wanna climb the stairs, then fall down, climb the elevator and do the scares?

IZZY  
You know what, let's do this! Mavis, now I know where I got my intelligence from!

Chef/Brick, Scott/Albertha, Izzy/Mavis, Jose/Damien and Zoey/Vivi all head for the stairs.

DON  
The first teams reach the top of the elevator and are ready to face the skywalk, but Duncan has some other plans in mind.

Heather/Alejandro, Shawn/Jasmine, Jo/Cameron leave the elevator. Chase begins to leave too.

CHASE  
Move it, punk! Let's get an early lead!

DUNCAN  
Oh, we'll be getting one!

He presses all the buttons and goes out laughing. Chase laughs a little bit as well.

HEATHER

Wait, we have to go outside here?

ALEJANDRO  
But look, we get a helmet!

JASMINE  
You ready to do this?

SHAWN  
Ready? Being in high places is the perfect protection against zombies! Well, at least against those that don't climb.

Jasmine/Shawn pick the helmets and begin running. Cameron tries to run as well but as soon as he gets out in the skywalk his small body is blown back inside.

JO  
You need to put five more Cameron worth of pounds if you wanna be at least healthy.

She begins carrying Cameron once more. We cut to the elevator that is slowly going down and then to the stairs. Izzy/Mavis are making good progress and begin closing in Sky and Cloud. Zoey is ahead of Vivi by a good mile.

VIVI  
Girl, when did you get so athletic?

ZOEY  
When I went commando, I suppose?

VIVI

You don't mean that kind of commando, do you?

ZOEY  
No, of course not, I don't leave home without my lucky indies, I mean when I went crazy Commando Zoey!

VIVI  
Oh... let me guess, to take revenge on who booted off Mike, right?

ZOEY  
Nooo… I mean yes.

VIVI

You have to be kidding me.

Scott and Albertha are just a little bit ahead of them. They stop and they both put their feet out for Zoey to trip. She trips, loses balance, and falls backwards on Vivi. The barn siblings begin climbing again.

ALBERTHA  
Have a nice trip, see you next fall!

SCOTT  
Wow, Al, you're killing it! That was awesome!

ALBERTHA  
Thanks! Oh, that was Zoey, right? I hope so at least.

VIVI (on the ground)  
What was that all about?

ZOEY  
He's the guy that voted out Mike!

VIVI  
And what did you do to HIM for him to be so mad?

ZOEY  
Be the reason he went home in his two seasons?

VIVI

Because he voted out mike?

ZOEY  
No, in the second season I voted him out to keep Mike in.

 **VIVI (Conf)  
I actually don't blame Scott on this one.**

Shawn and Jasmine are slowly going through the skywalk.

SHAWN  
Hey, Jasmine, do you wanna hold me over the edge?

JASMINE  
You think it's safe?

SHAWN  
Come on, living for the thrill?

JASMINE

Oh, shucks, you're right and we're in the lead. Let's enjoy ourselves.

She holds him over the edge just like the Lion King. We can slightly hear "The Circle of Life" in the background. Jo and Cameron pass them, looking at each other with a puzzled expression.

Meanwhile, the elevator FINALLY reaches the bottom, with some of the stair people already near the end and some of the skywalk already reaching the halfway point.

COURTNEY  
Finally? Who pushed all the buttons up there?

MAX  
Push all the buttons, you say?

Courtney/Bridgette & Katie/Sadie & Gwen/Thomas & Max/Scarlett & Mike/Vinnie & DJ/Momma & Ella/Dawn & Trent/Justin all get into the elevator.

MAX  
Well, since I am a huge villain, I will hinder the other teams by pressing all the elevator buttons as well with this original idea I just had!

He goes to push it, but Scarlett beats his hand out of the way. The teams there sigh in relief.

SCARLETT  
You do that once we REACH THE TOP, not while we're still inside the elevator, you doofus!

 **MAX (Conf)  
I am so sorry. Please do not take your glasses off.**

KATIE  
Oh my gosh Sadie are you ready for the scare of a lifetime?

SADIE  
I'm not sure if I am, Katie, but we're like, already here, we gotta go through with it now.

GWEN  
Yeah, like, that's totally right.

Thomas laughs a little bit.

SADIE  
See, even Gwen gets us and Gwen is usually just grumpy.

KATIE  
Yeah, totally grumpy. Remember the anti-Gwen club we had?

SADIE  
Why did we make a club for my Auntie Gwen again, though?

Gwen mimicks a shotgun blasting her head off. Thomas and Courtney laugh a bit, but when Gwen realises Courtney is laughing too, she looks away.

 **GWEN (Conf)**

 **Sorry Courtney, remember when I thought you were friends and you backstabbed me? Not going to happen again.**

Trent looks a bit awkward in there. Justin pats his shoulder.

JUSTIN  
Convey all the memories of Gwen into another hit song dude. You can do it.

TRENT  
Yeah… you know what, you're right.

He begins flicking a chord but everyone sushes him.

JUSTIN  
Maybe later.

On the top, the door from the staircase busts open. Eva and Tyler get out, with a very tired Tyler trailing. Eva gets the next tip right in time as Jo/Cameron finish the skywalk.

JO  
You. You think you can match my pace?

EVA  
I can beat your pace, wannabe jock!

JO  
Oh - it is ON!

They both read their tips at the same time "Catch a flight with the zip, ride the line to your tip".

TYLER  
Eva, I need a bit of a break!

EVA  
There's no breaks on the Eva train, Tyler. You're aboard now and we're going to the final destination.

CAMERON  
May I have a break as well?

JO  
I literally carried you all the time!

CAMERON  
Withstanding the heavy wind is already enough of a challenge for this lanky body that I have.

JO  
Just shut up and let's move.

The two teams reach the zipline at the same time. They ride the zipline at the same time. They catch their tips at the same time. Until Eva kicks Jo/Cameron of their line and into the pond below.

JO  
That's not fair plaaaaay!

 **EVA (Conf)**

 **First place or bust. And this time, there's no risk of getting voted off if my teammates don't hold up.**

 **Tyler passes out from climbing all the stairs.**

The elevator reaches the top and the second batch of teams (Gwen/Thomas, Courtney/Bridgette, Ella/Dawn, Trent/Justin, Katie/Sadie, Scarlett/Max, DJ/Momma, Mike/Vinnie all leave)

MAX  
But I wanna press all the buttons!

SCARLETT  
Getting an early lead is more important!

MIKE  
Come on, Uncle Vinnie, let's go.

VINNIE

Sure, but first, can you promise me something?

MIKE  
What?

VINNIE  
Can you NOT call the Svetlana powers? Why don't we have you doing this race as.. Mike?

MIKE *thoughtful*

Oh...

DJ approaches the skywalk

DJ  
Oh wait, we have to walk around HERE? Nuh-uh, no dice, not doing it!

MOMMA  
Do I have to grab you by the ear for you to do it?

DAWN  
Why yes, it's really a high place, but you don't need to be so afraid, DJ. Inside of you lies a ferocious warrior!

DJ

...it does?

 **DJ (Conf)  
Can someone tell that warrior to wake up, then?**

Eva and Tyler reach the tar mat.

DON  
Congratulations, you're team number one. You are lucky because that means you're in the first flight to Morocco, which is your first destination! Aren't you excited?

Eva just looks angry, Tyler didn't even get up from the mat.

DON

Yes, I bet you are! And you better hurry because it's 4 planes with 7 teams in each, and here come a few other teams filling up plane one!

Duncan/Chase, Heather/Alejandro, Lightning/Pops and Sky/Cloud arrive on the mat.

DON  
2 seats left on flight number one and more teams complete their task by the minute.

Chef and Brick and Scott and Albertha finish climbing the stairs. Brick is really, really tired. Izzy and Mavis also get to the top.

IZZY

Oh, hey Chef!

CHEF  
Izzy?! What do you want from me this time?

IZZY  
Oh bye Chef!

Izzy and Mavis throw themselves down the stairs.

CHEF  
You can't tell me she didn't fall on her head when she was a kid. Repeatedly. Kinda like how she's falling now. You okay, cadet?

BRICK  
Yes, sir, I can keep going, sir!

CHEF  
Drop the sir!

BRICK  
Sorry, sir!

They both zipline down and reach the tar mat seconds before Jo/Cameron get there.

DON  
Chef/Brick and Scott/Albertha get the last seats on flight number one, and Jo/Cameron are starting flight number two. You can thank Eva for that.

Jo just grits her teeth.

The elevator reaches the bottom again. The remaining teams (Sugar/Sparkle, Leshawna/Leshaniqua, Josh/Topher, Chris/Blaineley, Anne Maria/Jason, Dakota/Phillip, Rodney/Debbie, Lindsay/Paula) all get up in the elevator.

JOSH

It's Josh here with an amazing scoop. Chris and Blaineley are working together?

TOPHER  
Wow, Blaineley, how low are you stooping? You're way above Chris. Tell me, is this charity work?

PHILLIP  
Oh, I hope not.

CHRIS  
Hah, hah, Topher. Are you still not bitter I humilliated you in TV?

TOPHER  
Am I bitter that you interfered to get me out of the show? No, no, that's certainly what a host is supposed to do.

LINDSAY  
Wait, is that what a host is supposed to do?

SUGAR  
That's why I've been losing all this time!

SPARKLE

Now we gotta go beat some hosts then!

BLAINELEY  
Now, that's not what a host is supposed to do, Chris is just a bit of a fraud.

RODNEY  
Man, being a fraud, huh, jerk stuff. Glad I'm not one and I'm totally dating material!

DEBBIE

Uh… sure?

LESHAWNA  
Can we all shut up or could this elevator go any faster?

ANNE MARIA  
Yeah, I need to concentrate to put on my tan!

JASON

Oh, is it 3'o clock yet?

She begins tanning herself and soon the whole elevator is covered in tan spray with people choking. Leshawna just facepalms. We cut to Don as more teams fall on the mat.

DON  
The teams keep arriving and the plane tickets keep on being handed out. Flight number one to Morocco has the **JOCKS, DELINQUENT AND HIS PAROLE OFFICER, THE STRATEGISTS, THE OLYMPIANS, SPORTS FATHER AND SON, BARN SIBLINGS** and **MILITARY CADETS.**

DON

Flight number two has **BRAIN AND BRAWN, SURVIVALISTS, GOTH SIBLINGS, THE SECOND BANANAS, INDIE CHICKS, SUPER GENIUSES** and **THE COOKS**

DON  
Flight number three has **UNCLE AND NEPHEW, ANIMAL LOVERS, MUSICIANS, BFFFS, OLD FRIENDS, COUSINS** and **TAN BUDDIES**

DON  
And Flight number four, all the way in the back, has the **BEAUTY PAGEANT RUNNER-UPS, SISTERS, NUTJOBS, PAPARAZZI, THE HOSTS, FATHER AND DAUGHTER** and **whatever Rodney and Debbie are supposed to be.**

DON

What will await for the teams in Morocco? This is for you to find. The Ridonculous Race will continue!

* * *

 **CHEAT SHEET:**

 **Flight Number One:**

Albertha and Scott (Barn Siblings)  
Alejandro and Heather (Strategists)

Brick and Chef (Military Cadets)  
Chase and Duncan (Parole Officer and Delinquent)

Cloud and Sky (Olympians)  
Darnell and Lightning (Sports Father and Son)

Eva and Tyler (Jocks)

 **Flight Number Two:**

Cameron and Jo (Brain and Brawn)  
Damien and Jose (Second Bananas)  
DJ and Momma (Cooks)  
Gwen and Thomas (Goth Siblings)

Jasmine and Shawn (Survivalists)  
Max and Scarlett (Super Geniuses)  
Vivi and Zoey (Indie Chicks)

 **Flight Number Three:**

Anne Maria and Jason (Tan Buddies)  
Bridgette and Courtney (Old Friends)  
Dawn and Ella (Animal Lovers)  
Justin and Trent (Musicians)  
Katie and Sadie (BFFFS)  
Leshawna and Leshaniqua (Cousins)  
Mike and Vinnie (Uncle and Nephew)

 **Flight Number Four:**

Blaineley and Chris (Hosts)  
Dakota and Phillip (Father and Daughter)  
Debbie and Rodney (Daters?)  
Izzy and Mavis (Nutjobs)  
Josh and Topher (Paparazzi)  
Lindsey and Paula (Sisters)  
Sparkle and Sugar (Beauty-Pageant Runner-Ups)


	2. Between a Morocco and a Hard Place

**Timeline:** This replaces RR. Same route, same challenges, different teams.

 **Canon:** In this Canon, Owen/Beth/Heather/Cameron/Zoey/Shawn are the official winners.

* * *

 **RIDONCULOUS RACE**

 **Episode 2 - Morocco and Roll**

* * *

DON  
Last time on the Ridonculous Race - tempers flared as 28-teams set on a race around the world. Some chose to climb, some chose to skywalk, but all of them suffered a little, so that's good enough for me. Eva and Tyler got first, and Izzy and Mavis got last, by choice! The teams were split into four planes headed to Morocco, and the first two planes are already in the air.

Cut to the plane and we stop by Duncan and Chase.

DUNCAN  
First plane, first place. This is the life.

CHASE  
Yeah, and you almost made us miss the plane. Why did you fail the Metal Detector test over 10 times?

Pan to Eva and Tyler. Tyler is still recovering from the stairs in the CN Tower.

EVA  
Tyler, here's the plan, when the plane lands we get out first and we stay in first for the whole game, okay?

Tyler faceplants into the front seat and masks fall.

EVA  
I'll take that as a yes.

Lightning approaches Eva.

LIGHTNING

Yo, Eva! I'm sorry I called you a dude, dude! It was a bit rude on the sha-Lightning's part not to notice.

EVA  
Notice what?

LIGHTNING  
I mean, that you're a chick. Doesn't really look at first glance bu- *He's choked by Eva*

EVA  
What did you just say?

LIGHTNING  
Help! Sha-Lightning running out of shair! *He takes an oxygen mask and puts it on* Oh, much better. *Continues being choked, but is now relaxed*

Cut to flight number two.

DAMIEN  
Dammit, Heather and Alejandro are ahead of us.

JOSE  
Don't worry, little boy, we'll catch up, and when we catch-up, we'll STRIKE!

DAMIEN  
Can we stick gum to Heather's hair?

JOSE  
When they are at our mercy, you can stick MORE stuff than just gum in her hair!

DAMIEN  
...where are you going with this.

JOSE  
I don't know alright I'm just trying to be dramatic! *jazz hands*

Pan to Max and Scarlett.

MAX  
I have a perfect plan to TAKE OVER THE PLA- *Scarlett sushes him* Sorry. Anyway, check this amazing blueprint!

SCARLETT *Deadpan*

That's a napkin.

MAX  
No, that's a blueprint. Look, if we can build this, we can definitely get into the pilot cabin.

SCARLETT  
Wouldn't we die in this red splotch here?

MAX  
Very funny, but that's ketch-up. *He uses the napkin to clean his mouth and everything is messed up* Drat!

We pan to Gwen and Thomas. Gwen is asleep, Thomas is messing with her face.

THOMAS  
There we go, she'll be really thankful to me when she sees what I did!

He finishes messing with her face and we see a really poorly made, but really really heavy, goth make-up. Gwen wakes up, feeling drowsy.

Zoey approaches her.

ZOEY **  
**Hey, Gwen! How are you doi- Oh my god- your face! It looks… *careful* lovely! Yeah, lovely!

GWEN  
Uh, thanks.

ZOEY  
So… uh, how's it going in the race?

GWEN  
Fine, so far. Nothing completely life threatening, which is good!

Thomas narrows his eyes.

 **THOMAS (Conf, alone) *Whining***

Goth girl and bubbly girl don't match! Why is Gwen making it so hard for me to fix her!

ZOEY  
Do you want to meet Vivi? I think you'd be good friends!

GWEN  
Is that your partner? Sure, let's go!

ZOEY  
Yes, but let's go wash your face first…

Gwen raises an eyebrow, but Zoey leads into the bathroom.

 **GWEN (Conf)**

Yes, Thomas, just what I wanted, to look like a freak. Great.

We pan to Cameron and Jo. Jo is just twitching and muttering "Eva. Must. Pay" while Cameron looks tired.

 **CAMERON (Conf, alone)**

 **I guess my job as the brains would be to calm Jo right now, but I'm trying to think of a way to approach her without me getting beaten up three words in and it's almost impossible!**

DON (Voice-over)  
While two flights are up in the air, flight three prepares to take off and the people of flight four wait, two hours behind the leading team.

Flight number three. Dawn and Ella and Trent and Justin are sitting across each other. Ella calls to Trent.

ELLA *humming*  
I've noticed your guitar in the elevator, if I'm not mistaken, aren't you Trent from the Drama Brothers?

TRENT *notices Ella*

Oh, yeah, actually. Except the band broke up for good, so it's just me and Justin now.

JUSTIN *laying down on the chair already with cucumbers on his eyes*

Hey.

ELLA  
Oh, I loved World Tour and I liked your band a lot, I'm so glad to be able to meet you! *Hums a little bit more*

TRENT  
Oh, hm, thanks! What was… your… uh, favourite song?

ELLA *a bit enchanted*  
You know, your 'Prince Charmed' song, it… touched my heart. *She touches his chest, Trent is a bit awkward*

TRENT  
Oh, heh, good to... know.

 **TRENT (Conf)**

 **The superstar months faded off for me, so now I'm just back to regular old Trent.**

JUSTIN (Conf)  
Who just happens to be super famous.

TRENT (Conf)  
You know what I mean, just, how do you react to this? To… I mean, what even happened on the first place?

JUSTIN (Conf)  
Thought you'd be used to fangirls by now, dude. Just soak in the admiration, it freshens the pores.

ELLA (Conf)

 **Oh, Dave put me under his curse and hid his evil interior through a charming outside. But now I have met the first one who captivated my heart in this fated race! Could it be destiny?**

DAWN (Conf) *A bit happy*  
I already hear the wedding bells.

We pan by Katie/Sadie, they're braiding each other's hair but their hairs end up tied together. We stop on Mike and Vinnie.

VINNIE  
Plane riding, having a jolly good time, uncle and nephew, what'd you say?

MIKE *A bit thoughtful*

I say fun, heh, uncle! Glad I got to meet you.

VINNIE  
Finally meeting me! Funny how only Vito knew me, who knows what other stuff the other personalities did that you're not aware.

MIKE *More thoughtful*  
I mean, Manitoba had a wife. Do I have a wife now? Imagine if I'm with Zoey and she comes knocking on my door calling for Manitoba. I thought I would be someone normal now, but the past is still going to haunt me!

VINNIE  
Mike, Mike, I'm your uncle. That means I'm good for two things, making dirty jokes and telling life advice, and I forgot my dirty joke book inside my bag.

He puts his hand on his shoulder

VINNIE  
The past always haunts us. Actions, thoughts, they have consequences, that's inevitable. But, Manitoba, Vito, Chester, Svetlana, heck, even Mal, they're ALL part of you. They're all Mike. They're your playful side, your grumpy side, they're all vocalizations of how you feel.

VINNIE  
Before, you didn't know how each of them felt. But now you can. Your goal isn't to 'call' a personality to deal with something that happens, your goal is to reach that balance. And when you do, you're gonna be able to deal with anything. There's not a Mike and a Vito and a Svetlana, there's only a you. A Mike-tob-ito-ster-vlana-mal-gamation of you.

VINNIE  
You're not a sum of your personalities - you're their product. Now excuse me, I have to hit on that flight attendant.

 **MIKE (Conf, alone)**

 **...I didn't give it much thought before. I thought I was Mike and everyone else was just bugging me, getting in the way… this is the first time I'm pondering who I really am.**

We stop by Bridgette and Courtney. Courtney seems a bit down.

BRIDGETTE  
Hey, I noticed it earlier, Gwen looking away from you. Don't worry about it.

COURTNEY  
I… I know right, she's being so… so selfish.

BRIDGETTE  
No, this is not what I mean. I mean, if you want forgiveness, you have to be persistent, don't shift the blame here, come on.

COURTNEY

...what are you talking about?

BRIDGETTE  
You don't see any parallel in this situation to what happened to you before? With she going behind your back with Duncan and you not wanting to even talk to her? And you going behind her back with the chart? No parallel at all?

Courtney is silent. She looks down a bit before changing the topic.

COURTNEY  
...Bridgette… can I ask you something?

BRIDGETTE  
Oh nice way to avoid me, but yes, go on.

COURTNEY  
I do, I do know what you're talking about… I rewatched the seasons. I did those things. I just didn't want to accept it, because, it's not even a matter anymore of how the world perceives me, it's… it's a matter of how my friends perceived me.

Bridgette just looks at her, wondering where this is going to.

COURTNEY  
Bridgette… I, I need to know if I am that person on the show. I need to know if I am somebody like that. I know that I can be entitled, narcisistic and just too competitive but, I need to know, if below all that stuff, if there's a good person there. Can I stop ruining friendships? Can people like me as a person? Bridgette, am I a good person?

There's a brief pause. Bridgette looks around, nervously. Courtney holds Bridgette by her shoulders.

COURTNEY

Please tell me I'm a good person, Bridgette. I need someone telling me I'm a good person.

BRIDGETTE

….You already know the answer, don't you?

Courtney looks down, beginning to be sad. Bridgette touches her hand.

BRIDGETTE  
The real question is: is it too late?

 **BRIDGETTE (Conf, Alone)**

 **Courtney is... self-destructive. At the risk of sounding cheesy, her biggest opponent isn't Gwen, it isn't Heather, it isn't Duncan. It's herself.**

Cut to the waiting area in the airport, where the trailing teams wait.

IZZY  
When will the plane take flight?! This is so boring!

MAVIS  
Wait, weren't you afraid of flying?

IZZY  
I totally am afraid of flying, but if I pinch this nerve I sort of just soak in the adrenaline and it's so cool!

She pinches the nerve and her tongue pops out.

IZZY  
Chhhool *Muffled*

We pan by Debbie and Rodney. Debbie is reading a paper, Rodney is a bit far apart on the bench. He slides a bit closer to Debbie. A bit more. A bit more.

DEBBIE  
Uh, Rodney?

RODNEY  
Agh uhgh sorry I mean-

He runs away toppling Sugar in the process.

SUGAR  
Ow, rude! Watch where you going, farm boy! Seriously, some peeps have no self-awareness.

 **DEBBIE (Conf)  
Probs went to the bathroom. Rodney randomly has to run to the bathroom around like 4 to 5 times a day… he should see a doctor cause that kind of stuff you should feel coming you kno'**

CHRIS  
Can't believe it. Last plane, I do not believe it.

BLAINELEY  
Relax, we'll catch up. We just need to pull some strings and we'll be fine.

CHRIS  
No Chef for you to make an illegal alliance here, we have to pull your own weight.

BLAINELEY  
I mean it, have you checked out some of this competition? Let's just make a pact with a team, we'll help each other and all we have to do is beat one of these chumps at a time. This is not ratings where I have to work to always be first and you always have to work to avoid being last.

CHRIS  
Oh, shut up. Who do you suggest, then?

BLAINELEY  
Someone gullible. Someone who perks up at the littlest bit of praise. Someone who could never possibly outsmart them.

Cut, she's talking to Josh and Topher.

TOPHER  
So almighty Chris has come to his senses and came to ask for our help, huh? Who would have thought?

CHRIS  
Do I really need to work with this p- *Blaineley pinches him* Yes, Topher. You were a good contestant in Pahkitew, you were just getting too close to my level, so I couldn't have you around anymore! Ugh, *it hurts for him to say it, even if it's pretend*, you'd probably have replaced me as a host had you made one or two more episodes in.

TOPHER  
I knew it! See Josh, I definitely knew it!

JOSH  
You told me, dog, you knew it.

BLAINELEY

So, what do you say? Let's work together to not get the last positions?

They shake their hands.

 **CHRIS (Conf)  
Disgusting that I have to stoop down so low.**

 **BLAINELEY (Conf)  
Think on the bright side - you're not teamed up with a host as bad as you.**

DON (Voice-Over)  
The first plane lands on Morocco and teams get ready for their first clue.

Eva hits the Don Box first.

EVA  
All-In. Get yourselves to Uiseffs' spice kiosk and get 5 spices, preferably Cumin, Cinnamon, Paprika, Saffron and Ginger. Alright, I'm lost, I got no clue what these are.

TYLER  
Let's look over it in the cab!

CHEF  
Sargeant, we got this challenge in the bag. They don't call me Chef for nothing.

SCOTT  
Wait, you're telling me you can actually cook?

CHEF  
Yeah I can, punk! Want me to make some scrambled eggs out of your nuts?

SCOTT  
Sorry I asked!

SKY  
Do you know anything about spices?

Cloud just shakes her head, denying.

 **CLOUD (Conf)  
I thought a race would, you know, have physical challenges, and not be a cooking lesson.**

Cut to Heather's and Alejandro's cab.

HEATHER  
Do you know spices?

ALEJANDRO  
What? Should I know spices only because I'm from Spain and love spicy food? How awful of you to assume that. But yeah, I do know spices.

Cut to Uissef's kiosk. Darnell and Lightning are the first to arrive.

DARNELL  
Thanks, cabbie. Leading us into first place, that's how I like it.

LIGHTNING  
But pops, how are we gonna know about these spices? I don't know about that.

DARNELL  
Uh… you know, an athlete gotta trust their instinct from time to time.

He just points at five random spices and gets their next tip.

DARNELL  
"Take a ride to the desert restaurant by camel." Not a problem, can't smell worse than athlete socks.

They jet as the other leading teams arrive.

 **Darnell begins making a call as Lightning talks.**

 **LIGHTINING (Conf)  
So pumped to do this with my pops! We usually don't really spend a lot of time together since he's sha-super busy all the time, right pops?**

 **DARNELL (Conf) *On cellphone*  
Lightning, can you be quiet for a second?**

A cab almost crashes and Chase and Duncan wobble out.

CHASE  
Duncan, WHY did you want to go beyond the speed limit?

DUNCAN  
Hey, we caught up, didn't we?

Cut to Chef. He just closes his eyes, breathes the smells of the spice in, and then points to each spice.

CHEF  
CUMIN, CINNAMON, GINGER, SAFFRON, PAPRIKA.

Chef places his palms together. Uissef gives them the five spices. Chef and Brick high-five and jet.

EVA  
Give me what he asked for, clerk!

Uissef just sits there, blinking, not knowing what's going on.

EVA  
What, are you ignoring me? The nerve!

She reels in for a punch, but Tyler holds her hand.

TYLER  
Eva, I just don't think he speaks english.

EVA  
Oh. Ah. You're right. Nevermind. Let's just pick a few we think Chef pointed to and move!

Alejandro and Heather get some spices that they think are the correct ones.

ALEJANDRO  
Duncan, allow me to help you. Remember our little pact?

DUNCAN  
Nothing was settled from what I can recall.

HEATHER  
Just accept his help, wannabe delinquent.

Duncan is irked, but Alejandro helps him pick 4 out of 5 spices correct. He smirks and gives a fifth wrong one to him.

ALEJANDRO  
This is where we depart, good luck to you!

ALBERTHA  
Look, if we're going to eat this, just pick whatever because we can handle it. Not gonna be worse than the mudcakes.

They do so. Only left are Cloud and Sky who are actually stopping and thinking about it.

 **SKY (Conf)  
We wanna win, but we don't wanna make any moves we'll regret like Scott and Albertha did. It's not like it's the last leg, either way.**

 **/**

 **ALBERTHA (Conf)  
We wanna win, and we'll definitely make any moves we think will help, even if we regret them later. It's not like it's the last leg, either way.**

Cut to the camel ride. Eva is carrying the camel behind her back, with Tyler on top.

DON (Voice-over)  
Teams begin to take the camel ride to the desert restaurant and the second plane arrives in Morocco.

Teams push themselves to the Don Box and get their clue, and call their taxis. Vivi smiles.

VIVI

Remember that time I worked in that coffee shop? We so got this!

 **VIVI (Conf)**

 **There was this really underground Coffee Shop near my place, we basically just needed to take the stairs down and we'd be there. We got all kinds of people there, hippies, punks, tourists, it was super sick.**

 **ZOEY (Conf)  
Oh, remember the day where that indie rock band "Devil Frogs" played? They were actually pretty good!**

DJ and Momma are happifully cheering in their cab.

MOMMA  
One way ticket to spice town. Boy, we got this covered!

DJ  
I was expecting a dangerous challenge, but picking spices is gonna be easy for us, which I'm glad!

MOMMA  
It IS gonna be dangerous for those with no clue of what they're doing.

Cut to Jo and Cameron's cab.

JO  
You know spices, brainiac?

CAMERON *arrogant*  
Oh, do I know spices? Yes, one could say I know spices. Did you know that the Cum-

JO *interrupts him*  
No, you're getting it wrong. You do your job and you don't make small talk, that's our dynamic.

Cut to Jasmine and Shawn's cab. Shawn is puzzled and scratching his head, having literally no clue about the spices.

SHAWN  
Do you have any clue about ANY of these spices?

JASMINE  
Oh yes, you can count on me.

 **JASMINE (Conf)**

 **For the longest while I've been this homely girl, looking at flowers, dealing with spices, fending off giant spiders from our doorstep… so yeah, I think we got both of our behinds covered.**

DON (Voice-over)  
While the second set of teams reaches the kiosk, the teams in Flights 3 and 4 discuss strategy.

Pan to Anne Maria and Jason.

ANNE MARIA  
Do you got any sunscreen? Seems like the sun is gonna be blistering hot and that's a no-no for me.

JASON  
Yeah, sun's usually like, super hot. You gotta protect that skin!

ANNE MARIA  
Yeah, I'm just NOT going out if I don't get a way to protect my skin, hon, nuh-uh, gotta look flashy for TV.

JASON

If there's no other way though, we gotta make it or break it. Can't risk that being the case we're last.

ANNE MARIA

Jason, this body is worth more than a million, are you crazy?

Pan to Katie/Sadie.

KATIE  
Sadie, Justin is over there, why don't you go try to talk to him?

SADIE  
Oh, you mean you don't want a piece of Justin to yourself?

KATIE

Oh, I definitely definitely want it, but it's been so long since we saw him and I know just how much you like him, soooo-

SADIE  
Sorry Katie, you can, like, have him. He's totally famous now and still totally a hunk but, like, that's the thing, he's just a distant figure now, I think I, like, totally grew out of my crush.

KATIE  
Wait, what do you mean, grew out?

SADIE  
Oh, I mean, it's not like we're still, like, 8 and we decided to sleep in the doghouse just for fun… Ooooh, we should totally do that again sometime!

KATIE

Wait, are you trying to say I'm immature for having this crush on Justin even if it will never come to fruition?

SADIE  
What, no! Where did you take that out from? Like, I totally think that having a crush on him is immature, but-

KATIE  
How can you say that to me? *She puffs up her cheeks and storms off*

SADIE  
-but I was like that until five seconds ago so I don't think it represents who you are… wait, she was gone, she didn't hear that!

 **KATIE (Conf, alone)**

 **For like, our entire life me and Sadie would do everything together, and, we'd always like the same things. But I still think Justin is a hot hunky steamboat and would be totally hyped to be with him, so having Sadie say that's not mature…**

 **KATIE (Conf, alone)  
I know, I overreacted, but it's the little things that worry me. What if Sadie grows out of having a BFFF? What if we just become BFFs? Or worse, Best Friends! I don't think I could, like, handle it.**

Katie passes by Dawn, who's resting.

DAWN **  
**Is something the matter with you?

KATIE **  
**No… wait, yes, actually.

DAWN  
Would you mind if I heard you out?

Katie nods and begins talking to Dawn. They talk for a while and Sadie looks from a distance. She looks a bit worried.

Cut to the fourth flight. Dakota is having a full spa treatment on the plane, while her dad is working on his computer.

 **DAKOTA (Conf)**

 **I'm so happy I'm doing this with my dad! He usually pampers me already but like, this is another level, usually I only get the nail treatment on planes.**

 **PHILLIP (Conf)  
Everything for my golden daughter.**

 **DAKOTA (Conf)**

 **I love you so much, dad! Now, on the airplane just now, I saw this super cute watch that I've been wanting - can you get it for me? It's only 5000 dollars!**

 **PHILLIP (Conf) *Raises an eyebrow*  
Oh, eh, sure, darling. Of course. You usually don't really have a reason to check the time, though.**

 **DAKOTA (Conf)  
Oh, I won't use it to check the time, it's just really cute.**

Pan to Izzy and Mavis. They're strapped to their chairs, just shaking in glee as their pinch their nerves that allow for Izzy to fly. We stop by Lindsay and Paula.

LINDSAY

So, we're going to a rock?

PAULA  
No, to Morocco, I think.

LINDSAY  
Oh, Monaco? That's right near France, right? I should visit France again. Do you want go there next time?

PAULA  
No, not Mo-

LINDSAY  
You don't want to go to France with me?

PAULA  
I mean, no, it's not Monaco we're headed to, we're going to Morocco. I totally want to go to France with you!

LINDSAY  
Oh, nice! Maybe you can meet some cool French guy, huh?

Lindsay pokes Paula with her shoulder.

PAULA  
Does France play Total Drama? Because if a hunk calls me on a date and offers me toilet paper I swear I won't forgive you.

Cut to the restaurant.

DON (Voice-Over)

As flight three lands, and teams scurry to the Don Box… *we're shown shots of everyone hurrying. Anne Maria and Jason are last as Anne Maria is holding a huge umbrella above her* ...teams in flight two reach Uissef's Kiosk and get ready for things to get spicy!

SKY  
Hey, DJ, you're a cook right?

DJ  
Uhm, hey, yes! Why you ask? *Momma pinches his ear* Cook's apprentice, I'd say, though.

CLOUD  
Oh, good! *Cloud approaches him and holds his hands* Can you help us with this? We've been here for a while and only have two of five spices! *DJ blushes a little*

MOMMA  
Is this an alliance? Will you help us back?

CLOUD

Oh yeah, with whatever you need!

MOMMA  
Sure, then. DJ, help the lady out. Aren't you a gentleman?

 **DJ (Conf)  
You asked if she was going to pay you back first, though. That's not gentleman attitude.**

MOMMA (Conf)  
Gentleman's aren't stupid! Where did you get that from?

The teams mostly get through with no problem. Damien and Jose and Gwen and Thomas pick some random spices, but not all.

JOSE

Damien, we need to catch up to the first flight. We have to begin our plans of taking Heather and Al down!

DAMIEN  
You already have something in mind? I was just gonna call Alejandro Al and throw some sand in Heather's face.

JOSE  
Your plan has TWO steps already? Wow, you're good kid!

 **JOSE (Conf)  
Alejandro and Heather do not know what's in store for them.**

 **DAMIEN (Conf)  
But whatever is in story, oh, it won't be cheap!**

They laugh some more and fall backwards.

Cut to Leshawna and Leshaniqua's cab.

LESHAWNA  
Third flight ain't a great start, but I guess that's because we waited for the elevator. From now on, no more waiting, Leshawna won't stop for anyone!

CAB DRIVER *With heavy accent*  
No stop for anyone? Okay.

He begins driving faster, almost running over an old lady.

LESHANIQUA

I don't know if that was your meaning, but hey, maybe we can catch-up now!

Cut to the restaurant in the desert.

DON (Voice-over)  
Flight number 4 finally lands as the leading teams in flight number one finish their grueling trek through the desert, and boy, are they stinking.

LIGHTNING  
First place, aw yeah, sha-boom!

Lightning picks the tip.

LIGHTNING  
It's a botch or watch! Just stew it!

Don appears by the kiosk.

DON

In this botch or watch, team needs to give the spices to the chef, who will make them a stew, and one player of the team needs to chow down the entire chew. I bet the teams that picked the right spices are gleeful inside right now.

LIGHTNING  
I'll do it pops, I'm gonna make you proud, sha-bam!

He gives the spices and gets the stew. It's boiling hot. He gulps and goes for a first sip, but almost drops it, basically breathing fire.

LIGHTNING  
Hot hot hot hot hot hot hot! *Throws some sand in his mouth* Pffft, that did not help!

DARNELL  
Endure the heat, Lightning. Do what I trained you to.

He nods and gulps down a little more.

BRICK  
I'll botch, sir!

CHEF

No, don't botch, do it properly, cadet!

BRICK  
I mean, I'll do the botch sir!

He drinks it easily, no problem, then wipes his drool of.

BRICK  
That was delicious, sir! Reminded me of home, sir!

Chef nods and barks out a few more sentences, in a rough tone.

CHEF  
You think I'm called 'chef' for nothing? I know my way around ingredients, cadet! I'm proud of you though, you gulped it with no hesitation, that's the spirit, now let's head to the chillzone!

They begin to run towards the Chillzone.

DON (voice-over)  
Yes, the chillzone. Last team to arrive here could be cut from the race. Who will it be? I'm sweating from the excitement. And also from the blistering sun.

Teams begin to drink the stew. Alejandro drinks it elegantly, one sip at a time. Duncan tries to chow it down but the surprise spice Alejandro picked for him burns his tongue every once in a while. Albertha is also almost breathing fire. Of the ones that picked wrong spices, Eva is the only one to endure it and she begins pulling Tyler towards the chillzone.

We cut back to the spice kiosk. Dawn and Bridgette stand side by side.

DAWN & BRIDGETTE.

Cinnamon, Cumin, Paprika, Saffron, Ginger.

BRIDGETTE  
Good work!

DAWN  
Thank you!

 **COURTNEY (conf) *A bit confused*  
How do you make bonds so easily?**

 **Bridgette just sort of shrugs.**

They get their spices. Anne Maria gets in front of them.

ANNE MARIA  
You got ginger wrong.

DAWN  
I… highly doubt that.

ANNE MARIA  
Girl, I live for my fancy coffee and I'm pretty spicy myself, you think I don't know this challenge?

LESHAWNA  
Now just what are you talking about?

ANNE MARIA  
I'm talking about the fact that I'm gonna get going, hon, all the way to the finish, and look astounding while doin' that too.

She just struts away.

LESHAWNA  
Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

A single cab arrives.

SUGAR  
Oh, y'all still here? How come?

LESHANIQUA  
Aren't you the fast ones?

SPARKLE

Our driver knew a shortcut. By cutting through the speed limit, a-ha! Alright, now Sugar, do what I prepared you to do!

She snaps her fingers and Sugar, almost zombie-like, dead eyes, points to the spices.

SUGAR  
This little piggy likes lots of cinnamon, this little piggy likes lots of cumin…..

She manages to pick all five of them and Sugar and Sparkle actually get to the camel before any of the flight 3 teams. Sugar snaps out of her zombified state.

SUGAR  
Now what just happened?

SPARKLE  
We just jumped out a few positions, hon! Let's keep at it.

Everyone there looks perplexed wondering just what the heck happened.

 **LESHAWNA (Conf)  
Okay, now that's just downright creepy.**

Cut to the chill-zone, Don is enjoying a nice cup of tea when he sees someone in the distance.

DON  
And the first team is arriving? Oh my god, who could it be! Seriously, no clue at all, who is it?!

Brick and Chef approach the chillzone, running. Right behind them are Eva and Tyler.

EVA  
MOVE OUT THE WAY.

CHEF  
YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, MAGGOT

They keep running, Eva and Tyler gain up on them. They gain up a bit more as the teams reach the entrance to the chillzone.

DON  
It's going to be a photo finish! Who's gonna be first?! So exciting!

The teams get closer to the carpet. Closer. Closer. One foot steps onto the carpet…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

DON  
And first place goes to Chef and Brick, Eva and Tyler, you're second.

Brick, tired, salutes Chef, who salutes back. Eva just screams an incoherent mess and kicks a palmtree of its root.

 **EVA (Conf)  
*SCREAMING***

 **TYLER (Conf)  
It's okay, second is good!**

Eva just glares at him.

DON

The race for first is over, but the race for not-last is still shared by a full 26 teams. Seriously that's a lot of teams. Wow.

Cut to the restaurant. Teams from flight two get there.

JOSE  
Oh look, Damien, they're there! Hey AL-

Alejandro looks at him, notices, and begins getting angry.

JOSE  
-bertha, how's it going?

ALBERTHA  
*Incoherent screaming from the spices*

Jose and Damien high-five, while Heather just looks confused, when Alejandro finishes and they begin going away.

ALEJANDRO *Smirking*

Jose, you were on the second flight? Oh, nice work, so you were not that far behind me, then!

HEATHER  
Damien, go back to play with your toys, it's closing in on bedtime!

Heather and Alejandro just laugh as they run. Duncan shoots a glare at Alejandro.

DUNCAN  
You added a wrong spice, punk!

Alejandro just shrugs as if he doesn't know what's Duncan is talking about. Teams from flight two begin drinking their stews.

DON

And more people begin to arrive! Alejandro&Heather, 3rd Place. Duncan&Chase, 4th Place! Darnell&Lightning, 5th place.

Teams flash as they begin arriving.

DON

Cloud&Sky, 6th place! Cameron&Jo, 7th place! DJ&Momma, 8th place!

Cut back to the restaurant, teams from flight 3 (+Sugar&Sparkle) arrive. Dawn's Camel shakes her hand as they get off and looks a bit sad.

ELLA *singing*  
Sorry nice Camel, don't be in the dumps. We had a great time, holding to your humps. I know the world is big, I know the world is scary, but stay strong, my dear dromedary!

DAWN  
He's just a camel, but if you say so….

Vivi is trying to gulp down the stew but it's SUPER SPICY.

ZOEY  
I thought you knew which spices were which from the coffee shop!

VIVI  
I never was the best waitress! *Screams*

Sparkle drinks the whole stew, no problem at all. We cut back to the Chill-Zone as more and more teams arrive.

DON  
Jasmine and Shawn, 9th place. Max and Scarlett, 10th. Sugar and Sparkle, 11th!

SUGAR  
Going from the last plane to 11th place? That's a big jump!

SPARKLE  
Yes, but we need to get better! And prettier! *She begins applying make-up on Sugar again*

DON  
Gwen and Thomas, 12th place. Dawn and Ella, 13th place. Albertha and Scott, 14th place!

 **ALBERTHA (Conf)  
Next time we're not going to pick random ingredients.**

DON

Zoey and Vivi, 15th place! Bridgette and Courtney, 16th place. Mike and Vinnie, 17th place. Katie and Sadie, 18th place. Damien and Jose, 19th place.

DAMIEN  
Seriously, 16 positions behind them? Why did it take you so long to drink the stew?

JOSE  
I have a delicate tongue, I'm sorry! Next time we're catching up for sure.

DON

Anne Maria and Jason, 20th place. Leshawna and Leshaniqua, 21st place. Izzy and Mavis, 22nd place. Trent and Justin, 23rd place! We're down to the final 5 teams!

Cut back to the restaurant. Lindsay and Paula, Josh and Topher, Chris and Blaineley, Dakota and Phillip and Debbie and Rodney are all there.

BLAINELEY  
Thankfully I picked the spices.

She drinks everything in one go, and her tummy fills up a little.

BLAINELEY  
Ahhh, so good- *burp* Oops! Please edit that out later, thanks!

Josh also drinks the stew with almost no problem.

JOSH  
Thanks for helping us pick the spices!

BLAINELEY  
No problem, Joshie, Blaineley knows her spices. We're in an alliance to avoid last place, aren't we?

JOSH  
I'm okay with that, not sure if Topher is though.

TOPHER

You must be so lucky someone like Blaineley even accepted being partnered up with you Chris. She's really carrying your team.

CHRIS  
Yes, Topher, she is. Now please continue to be a fool and noticing we're manipulating you.

TOPHER  
Sorry, what did you say? Couldn't hear you over the fact of how small you must be feeling right now.

Chris smiles when he realizes that Blaineley was right about these two.

 **CHRIS (Conf)  
Dealing with Topher is a pain, but I gotta give credit to you, you know how to spot a loser.**

 **BLAINELEY (Conf)**

 **Why, isn't that the job of a TV host?**

LINDSAY

Paula, come on, you can do it!

PAULA  
Let's hope I didn't mess up…

 **RODNEY (Conf, Alone)  
If I wanna impress Debbie I have to at least do something like this! Otherwise she won't pay any attention to me.**

DAKOTA  
You're drinking too? Hope we got the right spices!

Rodney looks at Dakota and begins "falling in love".

DAKOTA  
Sorry, is something the matter?

 **RODNEY (Conf, Alone)  
Oh, but I can't! I'm in this race with Debbie. But Dakota, she looks so pretty and lovely and I love her eyes - *begins losing train of thought* - No! Debbie is my teammate! Be strong!**

Paula, Dakota and Rodney all take a sip at the same time. Rodney's mouth begins burning while Dakota and Paula do fine.

DAKOTA  
Nice job, girl!

PAULA  
Thanks! Visiting coffee shops instead of going to class paid off in the end!

DAKOTA  
I know, right?

PHILIPP  
Wait, you were skipping class?

Rodney finishes his stew as well and the teams all begin running to the chillzone.

DON  
Josh and Topher, 24th place! Chris and Blaineley, 25th place.

CHRIS  
You didn't need to pass us when we helped you in the first place.

TOPHER  
Oh, come on, it's not a race for last Chris. That's you and your show ratings!

DON  
Lindsay and Paula, 26th place! It's down to Daughter and Daddy and the Questionable Daters!

DEBBIE  
We can't lose now!

DON  
Both teams are approaching the carpet! Who's it going to be? Who's it going to be! Oh my god I'm SO NERVOUS!

….

….

…

…

…

DON  
Dakota and Phillip, 27th place, you're safe!

Rodney and Debbie arrive, tired.

RODNEY  
Debbie, I'm sorry we didn't get very far, but seeing how… uh, I need to tell you before we leave, I…. I…

DEBBIE  
You what?

RODNEY  
I like you!

DEBBIE  
You like me? Wussat! But we barely even talked before!

DON  
On that happy note, Rodney and Debbie, last place. You are out of the game. Or you would be, but this is the ONLY non-elimination leg of the competition, and congratulations, you've been saved by it! You're still in!

Debbie takes a few steps back from Rodney, a bit scared.

DON  
I bet racing is going to be very awkward now. *He turns to the camera*

DON  
28 teams still remain! Who will be the actual first boot? Can the people in the back catch up? Is Sparkle ACTUALLY using mind control on her daughter? Who knows? You will! Next time on…

...THE RIDONCULOUS RACE!

* * *

PLACEMENTS

 **BRICK AND CHEF - Military Cadets**

 **EVA AND TYLER - Jocks**

 **ALEJANDRO AND HEATHER - Strategists**

 **DUNCAN AND CHASE - Delinquent and Parole Officer**

 **DARNELL AND LIGHTNING - Athletes Father &Son**

 **SKY AND CLOUD - Olympains**

 **CAMERON AND JO - Brain and Brawn**

 **DJ AND MOMMA - Cooks**

 **SHAWN AND JASMINE - Survivalists**

 **MAX AND SCARLETT - Evil Geniuses**

 **SUGAR AND SPARKLE - Beauty-Pageant Runner-Ups**

 **GWEN AND THOMAS - Goth Siblings**

 **DAWN AND ELLA - Animal Lovers**

 **ALBERTHA AND SCOTT - Barn Siblings**

 **ZOEY AND VIVI - Indie Chicks**

 **BRIDGETTE AND COURTNEY - Old Friends**

 **MIKE AND VINNIE - Uncle and Nephew**

 **KATIE AND SADIE - BFFFS**

 **DAMIEN AND JOSE - Second Bananas**

 **ANNE MARIA AND JASON - Tan Buddies**

 **LESHAWNA AND LESHANIQUA - Cousins**

 **IZZY AND MAVIS - Nutjobs**

 **TRENT AND JUSTIN - Musicians**

 **JOSH AND TOPHER - Paparazzi**

 **CHRIS AND BLAINELEY - TV Hosts**

 **LINDSAY AND PAULA - Sisters**

 **DAKOTA AND PHILLIP - Daughter and Daddy**

 **RODNEY AND DEBBIE - Daters? (Non-Elimination)**


	3. I Love Paris in the Screamtime

**Timeline:** This replaces RR. Same route, same challenges, different teams.

 **Canon:** In this Canon, Owen/Beth/Heather/Cameron/Zoey/Shawn are the official winners.

 **Reviews:  
**

DSX62415 - Yeah, haha! I hope I'm not laying too thick on the drama but there are some stuff that I think could be really interesting. Thanks!

FanficLovingPerson - Thanks! Rodney is my least PI contestant but I thought I could give him a fun arc (and not a repetitive one) this time around. I hope it ends up working!

* * *

 **RIDONCULOUS RACE**

 **Episode 3 - I Love Paris in the Scream Time**

* * *

DON

Last time on the Ridonculous Race - teams had to stand the heat on sizzling Morocco, and though some teams were in the dumps *cuts to Courtney and Bridgette* all the teams took the humps to the desert restaurant where they had to eat a stew that was varying degrees of hot.

DON

Chef and Brick picked the right spices and sprung to victory, while Rodney and Debbie, not being able to make up from their late start, ended in last. But it was the only non-elimination round of the race, and after Rodney's confession, who knows how they're gonna race together.

DON

But that was then and this is - The Ridonculous Race!

 **THEME SONG**

DON  
We're here in the Moroccan Desert, where yesterday's Chillzone is Today starting line, and Chef and Brick are the first to depart.

BRICK *Gets a tip*  
There's nothing Eiffel about this Parisian Landmark.

CHEF *mocking the tip*  
Let me guess, we're going to Paris? That was a hard one. Let's move, maggot!

BRICK  
Yes, sir!

DON (Voice-over)  
YES, Paris, France! Land of the Mona Lisa, the Eiffel Tower and other things that annoy me like you wouldn't believe. Teams must take one of three planes here, and then get themselves to the Eiffel tower for their next clue.

DON (Voice-Over)

The first 10 teams to arrive will take the first plane. The following 9 teams will take a second plane, leaving half an hour later, and the last 9 will take the LAST plane, leaving a full hour and a half after THAT one, so we covered it with sad face stickers, which is hilarious.

They take the Moped towards the airport. Eva and Tyler are right on the tail, looking competitive, and Eva twists the handle of the Moped, making a motorcycle noise.

BRICK  
Mopeds shouldn't make noises that loud!

 **TYLER (Conf)  
Yesterday Eva didn't take second place too well, so we're planning to up our game and go for gold!**

 **EVA (Conf)  
Let's just hope the challenges aren't things like "picking spices" again.**

 **TYLER (Conf)  
Just promise you're not going to break anything on the chillzone if we don't win!**

 **EVA (Conf)**

 **Do you WANT me to lie to you?**

Alejandro and Heather are in their mopeds.

ALEJANDRO  
I'm sorry my brother Jose is acting so childish. Let us not pay attention to them.

HEATHER  
You don't need to tell me not to pay attention to losers. *She kisses his cheek* You did a good job beating him up in All-Stars, either way.

*A police siren begins to play*

HEATHER  
Oh, what is it now? Fine, we'll stop!

They go to the sidewalk and stop. Duncan and Chase pass them, Chase wearing a police siren hat and making noises. Alejandro and Heather just grit their teeth.

 **CHASE (Conf)  
I feel so dirty.**

 **DUNCAN (Conf)  
Hey, they tricked us by giving me a wrong spice, didn't they? It was deserved. But that was a good impersonation, I'm proud of you!**

Darnell and Lightning *Darnell's on the cellphone* and Sky and Cloud ride their mopeds as well.

CLOUD  
Do you want to wait for the cooks?

SKY  
Wait, don't tell me you're crushing on him.

CLOUD  
Nooo, just wanting to help them back since they helped us with the spices.

SKY  
Sure….

They stop for a while and Cameron and Jo pass them. Jo notices Lightning and calls him out.

JO  
Hey, not so Brightning, move out of the way!

LIGHTNING  
Wait, what? Is that Jo?! Oh, hey, sorry I sha-thought you were a dude!

Darnell facepalms.

JO  
You FINALLY realized that? How can someone be so dumb is beyond me. *She accelerates and bumps Lightning's moped, Darnell's cellphone flies off.* How do you like that, muscle-brain?

DARNELL  
You can call my son names, you can insult his intelligence, but I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A IMPORTANT CALL!

Darnell takes control of the moped's handle and bumps Jo back. They keep bumping for a while and Sky&Cloud, DJ&Momma and Shawn&Jasmine all pass them. Cameron just sighs, trying to hold onto the moped.

 **CAMERON (Conf)  
Jo, I know you and Lightning don't have a good history, but don't let that get in the way of our race, please!**

 **JO (Conf)**

 **You think I'd back down from a fight?**

CAMERON (Conf)  
You were the one who started it!

Tyler and Eva, Chef and Brick and Duncan and Chase all hit the airport.

TYLER  
Tickets to the Eiffel Tower, please!

CLERK  
You mean Paris?

TYLER  
Wait, we're going to FRANCE?

 **TYLER (Conf)  
Lindsay went to France with Beth once! Should we wait for her?**

EVA (Conf)  
Tyler, we're in first. Lindsay is third to last. Do you even listen to yourself?

TYLER (Conf)  
No, sorry, I don't have a recorder.

A bunch of other teams arrive. Sky&Cloud and DJ&Momma approaches the counter.

SKY

First plane, nice! Any upgrades for olympians?

CLERK  
Why yes, first place for all gold medal people. *Cloud fist pumps*

CLOUD  
Score! Let's book it!

 **CLOUD (Conf)**

 **This is to all the people that say sports don't pay off! In your face, Jenna, my kindergarten teacher!**

DJ  
Wait, you're gonna leave us behind?

CLOUD

We're just gonna get an upgrade in the plane, it's really not like we're not gonna get to Paris faster or anything.

DJ  
Still, we helped you back in the kiosk to pick the right spices!

MOMMA *Exaggerating*  
Are you telling me you're gonna betray us RIGHT after we helped you? Alright, Devon Joseph, a gentleman now has to get their compensation first, you hear me? *She winks at DJ, who gasps* I mean, we help someone and they mercilessly stab us despite saying they'd help us back? Never in my whole life have I seen something as cruel as that!

CLOUD  
No, no wa- alright, fine… I'm sorry we even considered that, we're going with economy too as well.

 **DJ (Conf)  
Momma, playing the victim, I didn't know you had it in you!**

 **MOMMA (Conf)**

 **You gotta do what you gotta do. Give 'em an arm and they'll take everything from the neck down, including your boots.**

 **DJ (Conf)  
Not the boots!**

The first 9 teams (Tyler/Eva, Cameron/Jo, Brick/Chef, Darnell/Lightning, Sky/Cloud, DJ/Momma, Shawn/Jasmine, Duncan/Chase and Alejandro/Heather) all book their tickets to Paris. A few more teams arrive, but only one ticket for the first plane remains.

MAX  
Out of my way, I got tickets to book and a PLANET to CONQUER! *Evil laugh*

Sugar pushes him out of the way.

SUGAR  
Sorry Max! You're a real funny guy but me and Ma are gonna book our ticket first!

SPARKLE  
YES! That's how it is, stomp on previous friendships, trample them, honey!

Sparkle laughs evily. Sugar and Sparkle manage to get into Plane Number 1.

 **PLANE 1 - Jocks, Brain and Brawn, Military Cadets, Athletes Father &Son, Olympians, Cooks, Survivalists, Strategists, Delinquent & Parole Officer, Beauty-Pageant Runner-ups.**

GWEN  
Can we still get into the first flight?

SCARLETT  
No. And since Max was too slow now we're stuck in the second one with you.

MAX  
And for that I say sorry, but we're exactly on the middle plane, we can plan attacks on the teams in front AND behind us! *Evil laugh, but Scarlett just pinches his lips together*

SCARLETT  
I'm sorry for him, he's usually not this bratty.

GWEN  
It's… it's okay, I have to deal with an immature kid too.

THOMAS *Feeling insulted*  
Hey!

Albertha&Scott arrive. Cut to teams in the mopeds. Dawn & Ella are pedalling their mopeds, and Vivi rockets by them, driving fiercely.

VIVI  
Haha, this is SO good!

ZOEY  
I know, right? *Her flower escapes her hair but she nabs it back* Ooops.

 **VIVI (Conf)  
A Mo-ped is totally an alternative vehicle, which is why I have about 10 of them! There's a pink one, a fuschia one, a black one with white polka dots.**

 **ZOEY (CONF)  
I got this little gecko and I gave him a tiny moss-green moped. Too bad he doesn't use it.**

The camera flies back more of the background. Bridgette and Courtney are driving. Courtney is thoughtful once again.

COURTNEY  
Look, I don't know how she's going to react, but I'm gonna apologize for Gwen. Yes, she had a part in all the things that brought us here, and part of me still resents that, but I messed up. I messed up and I have to do something.

BRIDGETTE  
It's definitely a start. I hope it goes well, we may have spent some time apart but I'm really rooting for you!

Courtney smiles and hugs Bridgette a bit tighter. They move a while and pass Dawn&Ella as well. Bridgette waves to them.

BRIDGETTE  
Hey, why are you pedaling? It's gonna take longer to get to the airport!

DAWN  
Oh, we know that! But it just seems like a waste to use the moped's fuel. If we can help, we don't want to damage the environment!

BRIDGETTE *Big Smile*  
Oh, for sure! You;'re doing a great job, hope it pays off!

They pull ahead from the animal lovers. Courtney taps Bridgette in the shoulder.

COURTNEY  
Hey, that definitely sounds like something you'd say when we were on the Killer Bass!

BRIDGETTE  
Yeah…, heh… *She pauses for a while and notices something* used to…

We cut to Mike and Vinnie, who are approaching them rapidly.

VINNIE  
We're doing fine my man Mike, but I would like if we didn't stay in the middle-tier limbo forever. Not that good at limbo anymore, my back hurts bad if I try' to, hah.

MIKE  
Alright! I don't know if this is just the Vito talking, but ever since we got into this moped I had this urge to just trigger my road rage.

VINNIE  
Now we talkin', hit that pedal, Mike!

MIKE  
Hah, will do!

Mike narrows his eyes, pulls the handle backwards and they set off. Vinnie falls backwards out of the moped.

VINNIE  
Okay Mike, next' time let me be sure I got the bloody seatbelt on.

 **VINNIE (Conf)  
Strap yourself tightly. But not too tightly, otherwise you're into bondage.**

Cut to Katie and Sadie. Sadie is terrified and is holding Katie's face.

KATIE  
Sadie, you have to get your hand out of my face otherwise we're gonna crash!

SADIE  
Oh, sorry! I'm just panicking!

She just turns her hands that are coving Katie's face into little binoculars, but still very much holding on for her life.

SADIE  
Is that better?

KATIE *Katie's vision slowly comes back to normal*

Oh, I can definitely see now! Something green rapidly approaching-

They crash into a sign. Damien and Jose, Anne Maria and Jason, Leshawna and Leshaniqua and Izzy and Mavis all pass them, the last team just cackling loudly.

JOSE *Stands up on his Moped while Damien drives*

You really better watch where you're going, girls! Wouldn't want to hurt those beautiful faces! *Flashes a smile*

 **DAMIEN (Conf)**

 **Why were you hitting on those girls? I mean one was cute but the other one?**

JOSE (Conf)  
You don't see what I'm doing here? I'm gonna use Alejandro's strategy and surpass him! That way he'll definitely be put in his place! Bonus points if I make out with Katie because I agree, she is pretty cute.

DAMIEN (Conf)  
Uh, I was talking about the other one.

 **/**

 **KATIE (Conf)  
Oh, wasn't Jose, totally dreamy?**

SADIE (Conf)  
Yes, like, totally! Even more than Alejandro!

 **KATIE (Conf)  
Oh, no way, Alejandro is definitely hotter.**

 **SADIE (Conf)  
But he's also definitely more evil.**

 **KATIE (Conf)  
Oh yeah, that's totally true! See, having crushes doesn't mean you're immature!**

 **SADIE (Conf)  
Why are you, like, still hung up on that? I didn't, like, say you were immature.**

 **KATIE (Conf) *Bit angry*  
Yeah, just that I was doing immature stuff, which is like, like the same thing.**

Anne Maria and Jason are in their mopeds. Jason is driving.

JASON  
Hey hey, we're going to Paris! How you feelin'?

ANNE MARIA  
Oh, you kno' how I'm feeling! Goin' to go shopping, sight-seeing, get some new hair sprays can because mine are running out.

JASON  
Already? You brought a FULL bag worth of hair spray.

ANNE MARIA  
Now hey, a bag can only' carry so much, y'hear me?

Leshawna and Leshaniqua pass them, Leshawna laughs.

LESHAWNA  
Hey, tan-girl, thought you were gonna beat everyone? All I'm seein' is you girl falling to the back of the pack! Kick into high gear if you wanna stand up to Leshawna and Leshaniqua!

ANNE MARIA  
Oh, it is on! You don' wanna mess with me, Orange shirt!

LESHAWNA *Laughs and rolls her eyes*  
Gonna have to do better than that if you wanna bother me.

Anne Maria, angry, begins spraying her hair furiously and erratically.

 **LESHANIQUA (Conf)  
Did you need to get on her nerves that way?**

 **LESHAWNA (Conf)**

 **Look, can't a sister just do some harmless teasing? A girl gots to have fun some way while she climbs her way into first!**

 **LESHANIQUA (Conf)  
That's my problem, the teasing was harmless!**

Izzy and Mavis pass Anne Maria and Jason.

IZZY  
If you need some Hair Spray, why don't you ask it from Chris? I'm sure he's got a 1000 pounds of that stuff. Is Hair Spray measured in pounds? I'm not sure.

ANNE MARIA  
Wait, for real? Alright, I'm definitely waiting for him!

She just jumps out of the moped and begins running backwards. Jason has to stop to wait for her, and is clearly preocuppied.

JASON  
Anne, what the heck you're doing!

He sighs and then just pulls a reflector and begins tanning on top of the moped. We cut to the Cousins and the Nutjobs a bit ahead.

IZZY  
Wait no, I'm pretty sure that Chris has Hair Gel, not Hair Spray.

MAVIS  
Who cares what state the substance is still in, Hair is still Hair.

IZZY  
Oh, should we make an ACTUAL Hair Spray? That you press the top and then hair just comes out on your face? I bet the people without beards would love them!

LESHAWNA  
Izzy, girl, you're crazy.

IZZY  
It's true, I had me tested! Wait no, that test was a math one.

MAVIS  
Anyway, this was a nice friend reunion but see you at the chillzone!

They pull ahead. We cut back to Morocco's starting line. Trent and Justin, Josh and Topher, Chris and Blaineley and Lindsay and Paula all get into their mopeds and leave. We stop by Dakota and Phillip.

 **DAKOTA (Conf)  
Yes, being almost last sucks, but we're still in getting some well-needed airtime, getting ready for my spin-off show.**

 **PHILLIPP (Conf)  
Plus, we're doing at our own comforts. Racing has actually been a bit of a breeze.**

 **DAKOTA (Conf)  
And I'm sure Sam will be proud if we keep surviving despite almost always placing last, wouldn't he?**

 **PHILLIPP (Conf)  
Not the best way to describe your boyfriend's prospects for the future.**

 **/**

 **RODNEY (Conf, alone)  
Paris is the most romantic city in the world! Or so I heard… That's the perfect place to get together with Debbie, uh!**

 **/**

 **DEBBIE (Conf, alone)  
While Ah'm glad that we didn't get ahliminated, that bomb that Rodney dropped is really getting my mind off the race. We *bearly* even talked before joining for the race, how could he possibly like me that way?**

 **/**

 **RODNEY (Conf, alone) *In love*  
You can't explain true love.**

 **/**

 **DEBBIE (Conf, alone) *Scared*  
To tell the truth, I'm a bit creeped out by it.**

 **/**

 **DAKOTA (Conf) *Totally pumped up*  
When we get to Paris, I'm totally gonna go shopping.**

The two last teams put their helmets on and speed on the moped. Debbie is initially holding Rodney not to fall but, a bit creeped out, tries to hold something else. We cut to the airport. Zoey and Vivi / Bridgette and Courtney / Mike and Vinnie all arrive in short succession. Zoey stops when she notices Mike.

ZOEY  
Oh, it's Mike!

VIVI *Drags her along*  
Yes, and there's the ticket counter!

Courtney looks at Gwen, who notices and looks away, a bit angry. Thomas is a tad confused.

THOMAS  
Are you just brooding? Being a goth in general? Good job, that's the way to act.

GWEN  
Yeah, sure.

The three teams arrive at the counter and book their flights on the second plane. We stop by Bridgette and Courtney who are sitting down. Zoey and Vivi approach Gwen and begin talking to her. She laughs. Courtney looks at her once again, worried.

BRIDGETTE

Look, I know she's trying to ignore you, but now you're on the same plane. Just walk up to her in the air, and try to apologize. She can't run away unless she jumps out of the plane.

 **BRIDGETTE (Conf, Alone)  
Really hope it doesn't come to that.**

Damien and Jose, Leshawna and Leshaniqua and Izzy and Mavis all arrive. They wrap up Flight 2.

 **PLANE 2 - Evil Geniuses, Goth Siblings, Barn Siblings, Indie Chicks, Old Friends, Uncle and Nephew, Second Bananas, Cousins** and **Nutjobs.**

A wrecked Katie/Sadie finally arrive, as well as a Dawn and Ella who pedaled all the way there.

KATIE  
Oh, guess we're on the same flight!

DAWN  
That should be a good experience!

ELLA  
Let us all sing a song and bond together.

 **DAWN (Conf)**

 **Yes, pedaling our Moped put us in the third plane, but that was far from a problem. I could sense in our auras that we weren't going to face a bad ending today.**

 **ELLA (Conf)  
Why yes! We pedaled our moped to save some fuel! We thought we were going to be last to arrive at the airport, but a group of friendly Camels helped us get there faster. *Begins humming***

DAWN (Conf)  
I don't want to claim karma is on our side, but she definitely isn't against us.

Trent and Justin pass Anne Maria, who is still going back to find Chris. They shrug as Trent continues strumming his guitar.

 **TRENT (Conf)  
Sure, we're in the back of the pack, but hey, not last AND not least.**

 **JUSTIN (Conf)  
It's one of the few places we can say that! Struggling to ace the model competitions, celebrity game shows, making hit after hit to top the billboards.**

 **TRENT (Conf)  
Yeah, having a place we can just relax and talk is actually looking REALLY good for us!**

JUSTIN (Conf)  
Well, I'm always looking really good for me.

Cut to Josh and Topher and Chris and Blaineley, who are head-to-head.

CHRIS  
Look guys, I know we just don't wanna be last, but I'd be more comfortable if we manage to move a few positions up.

TOPHER  
Oh, of course, it shouldn't be a problem creaming the competition, after all. For me, I mean, not you.

CHRIS  
Yes Topher, like always, you think you're right.

TOPHER  
Why, thank you! *Turns to Josh* He's being unusually smart ever since he allied with us.

JOSH  
Bites me, but it screams tasty scoop!

Blaineley just looks at Chris and they silently nod.

 **BLAINELEY (Conf)  
What did I tell you? Josh and Topher just eat in the palm of your hand if you're nice to them, stroke their ego, *trying not to laugh* maybe stroke something else.**

CHRIS (Conf)

 **Okay Blaineley, that was gross.**

 **BLAINELEY (Conf)**

 **What, just telling you how all paparazzi are! *She smirks***

TOPHER  
Okay, I hate to interrupt this barrage of compliments I'm getting, but what is that?

Anne Maria is running fiercely towards Chris' moped. She clashes with it and stops the moped straight on its track.

ANNE MARIA  
For the love of humidity, do you have any hair spray?

CHRIS  
I have Hair Gel, but it's mine aaaaand you can't take it!

Anne Maria shakes Chris' moped violently, Blaineley struggles not to fall.

CHRIS  
Alright, I'll give you one bottle! Two! Three! Take the whole box just stop before MY hair gets messy!

Anne Maria puts them down.

ANNE MARIA  
Alright, I won't mess with your hair', I know your pain too well to do something heartless like that.

She gets some bottles. We pass by Lindsay and Paula as well. Lindsey's doing her make-up while driving, and Paula is covering for her.

LINDSAY  
Isn't this great? We're going to Paris! Everybody says it's a beautiful city!

PAULA  
Didn't you GO to Paris? With Beth?

LINDSAY  
Yeah, I did! But you can't really know Paris from behind bars. We should definitely stop and do some shopping too!

PAULA  
You don't know how hard I want to but we're TOO far back to even think of doing something like that.

LINDSAY  
Not even just a little bit? Come on, sisterly shopping?

PAULA *Trying to find a compromise*  
Okay, one minute. Maybe two. Five minutes or three pairs of boots. Unless there's one from DaCroux, I love that brand.

Cut to the airport as the last teams arrive and the first flight takes off

 **PLANE 3 - BFFFs, Animal Lovers, Tan Buds, Musicians, Paparazzi, TV Hosts, Sisters, Daughter and Daddy and Daters?**

DON (Voice-over)  
The last 9 teams grab seats on Flight Number 3 as Flight Number 1 is in the air, and, thanks to the magic of editing, reaches the ground now!

Night shot as the plane lands and everyone rushes to cabs, and we cut between them.

JO  
Taxi! To the Eiffel Tower!

ALEJANDRO  
Eiffel Tower, vite, vite!

JASMINE  
Quick, let's move!

 **Shawn and Jasmine confessional, the two don't notice but are obviously talking about different things.**

 **SHAWN (Conf)  
I hope we get to climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower. Since Zombies don't usually climb, it's a safe place!**

JASMINE (Conf)  
Climbing would be great! Doing something excitin' and just soaking in the view afterwards.

SHAWN (Conf)

 **And I mean, it's like a WORLD Landmark. Zombies Outbreaks ALWAYS end up reaching those landmarks quickly. Need to be even more on my toes than ever!**

 **JASMINE (Conf)**

 **That's a huge part on why I like seekin' thrills too, just brings you to new places outside of the outback for once, eh.**

 **BOTH (Conf)  
Don't you agree?**

 **They stop and look at each other, then smile and nod.**

JASMINE (Conf)  
Oh yes, definitely!

SHAWN (Conf)  
Gotta tell you, we're really in sync here.

Teams rush to the Eiffel Tower. Jo and Cameron get an early lead, and they arrive there quickly.

JO  
Don't see any taxis, we must be in first place, let's book it bookworm!

CAMERON  
It's impressive, your puns get worse by the second!

Jo rolls her eyes and punches the DonBox. They get their tip, but Eva pushes them out of the way and gets one for herself as well.

EVA  
Botch or Watch. Uh.

DON *appears near her.*  
In this botch or watch, whoever DIDN'T eat the stew in Morocco needs to draw a caricature of their partner. They then need to show it to this French Artiste, who will give the team the next tip once he approves of the drawing.

Eva just sighs and pushes Tyler towards the table.

EVA  
Don't mess it up.

The other cabs arrive, music stars playing, and teams begin drawing. Tyler tries to draw Eva as she poses threatenly with her fist, Cameron tries to draw Jo as she poses like an Olympian athlete, Chef draws Brick as he salutes, Darnell draws Lightning as he pretends to prepare for a throw (Lightning and Jo's eye cross and they glare at each other).

Sky draws Cloud as she just poses with her arms crossed. Shawn draws Jasmine and then add another paper on top, Heather begins drawing Alejandro as he flexes and her eyes shine for a bit. Chase grins and begins drawing Duncan. DJ is drawing Momma and Sugar is drawing Sparkle.

We cut to the inside of plane two. Scott and Albertha are just relaxing, dirtying up the seats.

SCOTT  
Stuck in the same plane with Zoey. We have to be careful, she's a sneaky one.

ALBERTHA  
Darn right, but no going out of our way to sabotage, we all know how well that worked out last time.

SCOTT  
When we tried to wreck Ol' Rory's pumkins so we would win the festival? And the pumpkins he had put there were metal ones and we were sore for like a week?

ALBERTHA  
Yeah. that too.

Pan to Gwen and Thomas / Zoey and Vivi. Gwen and Zoey are across each other, talking and laughing. Thomas is pouting and has his arms crossed.

Two seats ahead are Bridgette and Courtney. The latter resigns herself and stands up.

COURTNEY  
I'm going for it, Bridgette. Wish me luck.

BRIDGETTE

You can do it.

She steps forward. Gwen notices it and just shakes her head and sighs. Courtney talks to Zoey first, who is slightly angry.

COURTNEY  
Hey, Zoey, sorry, but can I talk to Gwen for a bit?

ZOEY *She notices the sad tone on her voice*  
...uh, sure, go for it.

GWEN *Angry*  
You should ask ME if you want to talk to me, you know?

COURTNEY

…*pause* And, can I talk to you? It'll be quick, I promise.

GWEN  
You're not going to stop until I let you, are you?

COURTNEY *Tries to force a smile*  
...that's how you manage to crack my shell in All-Stars wasn't it?

GWEN  
Alright, cut the small talk, go for it, I'm listening.

COURTNEY

Look, I know how I come across and I'm definitely too competitive. You're completely in the right to be avoding me now. I acted so mean to you after you betrayed my friendship and were trying to make things right, and then what do I do when we become friends? I betray you right away. That's not right, and… I'm not right.

Gwen just raises an eyebrow. Courtney doesn't show signs of stopping.

COURTNEY  
But I want to be right, and now it's my turn to make things right between us. I understand if you never want to join an alliance with me again, I wouldn't either, but I just hope we can put this behind us and become friends again. Nothing related to the game, nothing like that at all, just be on good terms. Can you forgive me?

Gwen looks down and sigh.

GWEN *In a quiet tone*  
Look, I should have known, I understand that what are you doing is part of who you are and part of how the game affects you. You're self-destructive and sometimes entitled, and now you want to correct that about yourself, that's good.

Courtney's hopes raise up, she smiles a bit.

GWEN *Flatly*  
But I don't forgive you.

COURTNEY *Shocked*

Uh, wait… what?

GWEN

You don't deserve an apology. You suffered, fair, but even knowing how that feels you made me suffer back.

COURTNEY  
But… but, I'm saying I'm sorry.

GWEN  
And I don't forgive you. You're trying to fix yourself, or whatever, but now you feel you're entitled to me accepting your apology? Good progress, there.

COURTNEY *getting increasingly more sad*  
You… you don't want to put this behind us, and… not worry about it anymore?

GWEN  
That's not how the past works, and knowing you, the past would just resurface and you'd drive me away again if we became friends again.

Courtney tries hard not to start sobbing. Gwen just continues hammering it in.

GWEN  
So yeah, I don't forgive you, and NO, we won't be friends. You made the action, now you gotta live with it.

She stands up, pushes Courtney out of the way and heads to the bathroom. Bridgette glares at her when Gwen passes by.

BRIDGETTE  
You have to face your problems head-on from time to time, too, you know?

Gwen just raises an eyebrow, ignores Bridgette and continues walking on.

 **GWEN (Conf)  
Now what was THAT about?**

 **/**

 **Courtney is sobbing hard on the confessional. Bridgette just looks at her in sympathy.**

 **/**

 **THOMAS (Conf, Alone)  
Whenever Courtney is nearby, Gwen becomes incredibly gothy. If I want to CORRECT her like the perfect little brother I am, I need to get these two to hang out more!**

DON (Voice-Over)  
News flash, flight number two has arrived, and as the teams from plane two head to the Eiffel Tower, teams from the first flight are still struggling with the challenge.

Cameron gives a beautifully drawn picture of Jo and give it to the artiste. He disapproves.

CAMERON  
What? But I'm sure I got all the propotions right! This is preposterous!

JO  
It's a caricature, pipsqueak, you need to make me silly! I don't know, think of something!

DJ gives a picture of Momma drawn as an angel. The Artiste wipes a tear and approves of it.

DJ  
Go down, down, down, find the cheese so round where you next tip is found. Say what now?

Camera pans to the sewers and the catacombs.

DJ *Scared*  
Oh, going into the Catacombs? No way, uh, no WAY!

MOMMA  
DJ, mister, we're going and you're NOT chickening out!

 **DJ (Conf)**

 **Remember that warrior Dawn said was inside me? *He knocks on his own belly* Hey, buddy, time to wake up already.**

DON (Voice-over)  
The catacombs! Where Parisians threw people infected with the plague, where rats run amok, and other stuff that I'm sure someone who cared about history could tell you about. Teams must find their way through these labyrinths, towards these Roquefort Wheels of Cheese, where they'll find their next clue.

Cut to drawing roadblock. Chase then gives him a picture of Duncan as a prisoner portrait, with a giant mohawk. Artiste laughs a bit and approves again.

DUNCAN  
What did you draw?

CHASE  
Just you in your natural habitat.

Shawn gives the artiste two papers. One are just Jasmine's legs, the other is her upperbody. The artiste laughs loudly (Shawn joins in, and awkwardly, Jasmine does too) and then gives him their next tip.

 **JASMINE (Conf)**

 **Not too fond of what you drew me as back there.**

 **SHAWN (Conf)  
It was just a caricature, I had to exaggerate something! And you do kinda tower over me.**

 **She just puffs her cheek and turns to him, looking a bit angry. She then notices she IS completely above him.**

JASMINE (Conf)  
Alright, you MAY 'ave a point.

JASMINE *Reads the tip*  
Catacombs? Oh no, I'm still not a fan of closed space'!

SHAWN  
Don't worry, fear is JUST another element of thrill.

JASMINE *Beginning to freak out*

...it shouldn't be the main element, though.

Pan to Sugar and Sparkle. Sugar gives the artiste a drawing of her mom. The artiste disapproves.

SUGAR  
What? This judging is bi-assed I say! Bi-assed!

Sparkle looks at the paper and sees that Sugar drew something like a goddess barking orders compared to Sparkle's fairly pudgy body.

 **SPARKLE (Conf)**

 **Though it's lovely you see me that way, let's be real, I'm past my prime.**

 **SUGAR (Conf)  
Oh, so you won' be offended if I draw you super fat? I was tryin' to avoid that!**

Sparkle narrows her eyes at her.

Some more teams arrive and we cut to DJ and Momma, right by the catacombs' entrance.

DJ  
Sho-should we wait for Sky and Cloud?

MOMMA  
They were tryin' to ditch us!... oh, you're just trying to delay this, aren't you? Look, it's just a dark place with some bones and dead bodies. You didn't got that scared when sleeping in your room at night since you were 12!

DJ  
...there were no dead bodies in there! I hope.

Duncan and Chase pass them and jump right into the catacombs.

MOMMA  
Now you gonna stay there all day or actually man up for once?

DJ breathes in, prepares himself and charges wildly to the entrance of the catacombs. He proceeds to trip and then fall down the stairs.

MOMMA  
That's one way to get down there.

Jasmine tip-toes in as well, Shawn follow. Duncan and Chase arrive at the bottom.

CHASE  
So, which way?

DUNCAN  
We should tag these walls to make sure we're not going around in circles.

CHASE  
No, NO tagging, alright? Let's just go down one of these paths.

DJ reaches the bottom of the stairs face-first. We cut back to the drawing area. The second plane cabs arrive.

EVA  
TYLER, WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?.

TYLER  
I'm sorry, but our team is BOTH Brawn!

Some other teams give their drawings. Cloud is drawn with trophies instead of arms and an inflated head, Brick is drawn as an actual maggot, Alejandro is drawn with a huge castaway beard and messed up foot, Darnell draws Lightning as an actual Lightning. The artiste shrugs and approves all four.

Max, Scott, Gwen, Zoey, Courtney, Vinnie, Leshawna, Mavis and Damien start drawing, and we cut to the third plane. Trent and Justin are sitting, relaxing, and Ella approaches Trent.

ELLA  
Trent, may I have a minute?

TRENT  
Uh… hm.. sure.

ELLA  
I've composed a song that I think you'll be sure to appreciate!

You know that empty feeling you get inside your heart?

There's a spot in mine that well, it's up for rent!

Some people come and go and they don't leave a mark

But I think I found one to be a permanent resident.

Oh Trent. Oh Trent. Your music touches me in more than one way *She grins slyly, Trent doesn't realize what she means*

Oh Trent, Oh Trent, I really hope you move in today!

Justin and Dawn clap. Trent is still a bit weirded out, but he likes the song and does think Ella is pretty.

TRENT  
I, I really liked it. It had a good rhythm, good meaning, and I can see that your heart was in it. *Ella blushes* I… do.. you want to h- *He shakes his head* form an alliance? Not just like, game stuff, but as friends too.

ELLA  
Oh, I'd be enthralled for it! It is settled! *She skips away*

JUSTIN  
So Trent's got a date, huh?

TRENT  
No, it's just an alliance.

JUSTIN  
Yeah, in Paris, a city that isn't romantic at all. Keep playing hard though, I'm sure she's loving it.

 **ELLA (Conf)  
*Squeeing***

 **/**

 **TRENT (Conf)  
I don't get it, it was just so… so sudden!**

 **JUSTIN (Conf)  
She already had the time to know you through your songs, dude, enjoy the perks of being quite famous!**

Cut to Rodney and Debbie. Debbie made a point of sitting as far from Rodney as the camera crew allowed.

RODNEY  
Hey, Debbi-

DEBBIE  
Don' talk to me right naw, 'kay?

RODNEY  
...oh, okay.

 **RODNEY (Conf, Alone)  
Ever since I confessed, Debbie is avoiding me and I don't know why. Sure we weren't really friends before but I know it was true love, it was just a matter of her realizing.**

We cut to the teams already in the catacomb. Duncan and Chase reach a dead end.

DUNCAN  
Aw man, you have to be kidding me, another one?

CHASE

I'm glad that we were the first in, now we probably have time to check out every path.

DUNCAN  
I don't want to backtrack, backtrack is for losers.

CHASE  
Well, we can't bust through this wall, so we're gonna ha-

While Chase is talking, Duncan just approaches the wall and sets a little ball down.

CHASE  
-What are you doing?

Duncan tackles Chase to the ground, the little ball beeps and explodes, revealing a passage into a big chamber.

CHASE  
A BOMB? How did you manage to get a BOMB here?

DUNCAN  
I have my ways, heh. Plus, it got the job done.

CHASE  
I.. I don't care! That's strike one! Two more and you'll DEFINITELY not be fit for society.

DUNCAN  
Sure, whatever.

They arrive in the Cheese Area and notice Sky/Cloud and Chef/Brick arrived in front of them.

SKY  
Okay, we need to take this cheese wheel to where the Mona Lisa lives.

CLOUD  
That's the Louvre!

DUNCAN

Oh, I got into big trouble there once.

Chase looks at him, incredibly pissed off.

DON (Voice-Over)  
Indeed it is! The Louvre, home to many paintings I was asked to stop touching, and also the Chillzone for this leg of the race. With no more non-elimination legs, last to arrive WILL be eliminated.

DON (Voice-Over)

And it just might be someone from the third plane, that has just arrived. They seriously need to start catching up because more and more teams finish the drawing challenge.

Damien draws Jose as a Spanish Traveler from the middle ages. Mavis draw Izzy upside down and with her leg tying her whole body. Zoey draws Vivi as this awesome indie chick with long heels and chewing gum. Gwen draws Thomas as a goth in a diaper. Tyler finally gives Eva's drawing, a really bad one where her muscles take over 90% of the page. Cameron also finishes Jo's drawing, where she's a school bully. All five are approved.

Max tries to give a drawing of Scarlett being a super villain but the Artist doesn't see the resemblance to nerdy Scarlett, so he disapproves. Scarlett takes his glasses off and scares him, so he changes his mind pretty quickly.

The cabs for flight number three arrive. Dawn, Sadie, Jason, Justin, Chris, Topher, Lindsay, Phillipp and Debbie begin drawing. We cut to DJ and Momma on the catacombs. DJ is shivering.

MOMMA  
Look, I didn't raise my child to have no backbone. *She throws him a skeleton bone to him, to which he freaks out* Here, have one.

DJ  
Oh, come on Momma, why are you doing this to me?

MOMMA  
You're never going to face your fears if you're always cowering from them.

They reach an entryway shrouded in dark. Two pair of eyes appear in the dark. DJ screams. Tyler and Eva step out and when DJ sees Eva he screams even louder, carrying his mom away.

EVA  
What was up with him? *Tyler just shrugs*

We cut to Sky and Cloud on the Catacomb Exit. They throw the cheese wheel into the water and just begin rowing away. Chef and Brick and Duncan/Chase follow.

SKY  
Have you ever gotten a medal on rowing?

CLOUD

No, but it shouldn't be too hard. All we gotta do is work together.

They fail at doing so, and Duncan/Chase & Chef/Brick both pass them. Sky and Cloud continue struggling.

 **SKY (Conf)  
We're both sort of the 'leads' in competitions.**

 **CLOUD (Conf)  
So I'm not used to matching her snail-pace at rowing.**

SKY (Conf)  
Yeah? I mean, it's good that you're speeding up for a change, but you've never been someone who wasn't selfish.

They begin seeing the louvre in the distance. The two leading teams (Duncan/Chase & Chef/Brick) begin fighting.

CHEF

Punk, you better move out of the way if you don't wanna get sunk!

DUNCAN  
Hah, Chef, your threats suck as much as your cooking!

Chef gets angrier, and he throws one of the paddles at Duncan. Duncan just grabs the paddle and breaks it in half.

DUNCAN  
Here, I'm done using it, you can have it back!

Duncan throws the broken paddle back, and it just floats by Chef. The two teams reach the river exit and push their cheeses up the stairs and around the corner. They are really close to each other as they see Don in the distance. They get closer and closer, Brick and Chef are gaining up on Duncan and Chase and…

DON  
Delinquent and Parole Office, 1st place! Military Cadets, you're 2nd. *He spots another team coming in the distance* Olympian Sisters, you're 3rd.

They sort of just glare at each other, a bit angry.

DON  
Family bonding, always fun.

Cut back to the Eiffel Tower as Don voices-over.

DON (VOICE-OVER)  
The race for first has ended and the race for not last has just began, as some teams are still drawing the first challenge to a conclusion. Get it? Drawing? Haha.

Sugar gives a picture of a fatter Sparkle, Courtney draws Bridgette meditating, Scott draws Albertha as a pig, Dawn draws Ella in the snow white coffin… One by one, the teams get approved and move onto the Catacombs.

Debbie finishes her drawing of Rodney as well. He's like an ogre following a girl in the night. The artiste just lauighs a lot.

RODNEY  
What? What is it?

He manages to take a look at the drawing and his mood drops.

RODNEY  
Is… is that how you see me?

DEBBIE  
Uh, uh-huh. If you like me without barely talking to me, you were definitely stalking me.

RODNEY  
No, I.. I really wasn't! I just… I just looked at you and I knew it was true!

DEBBIE  
Yeah, because that's exactly how love is. Here's a hint for 'ya, it ain't like that!

Rodney stops, a bit perplexed. Cut to the catacombs. Alejandro and Heather are walking by.

HEATHER  
Ugh, this place is just a mess.

ALEJANDRO  
Fear not, even in the worst case scenario we just follow a team and overtake them by the finish line.

HEATHER  
Yes, that's a winner's attitude.

ALEJANDRO  
You were the one who said we only didn't need to be last.

Heather stomps the ground and they come across Shawn and Jasmine. Jasmine is still freaking out but Shawn is calming her a bit.

ALEJANDRO  
Do you think they know where the exit is?

HEATHER  
I doubt it, but let me work my magic - *calls out to them* Hey, Shawn, Jasmine, this place is a mess, isn't it?

SHAWN  
Oh yeah! Plus Jasmine has a small fear of enclosed spaces, so we really wanna get out.

HEATHER  
Oh, I could see that. This place really is cramped up and tiny, isn't it? *Jasmine's Eyes bulge* Seems like you could turn any corridor and face an undead creature *Shawn's Eyes bulge* It would be good if we could find the exit soon.

SHAWN  
Alright, power search mode, we can't stay here another second.

JASMINE  
Yes, I agree!

HEATHER  
Do you mind if we follow you?

ALEJANDRO  
We are lost as well, after all.

SHAWN  
No, I don't mind, let's just get MOVING!

 **HEATHER (Conf)  
We were shown in TV being evil and we are known as some of the biggest manipulators of Reality Television**

 **ALEJANDRO (Conf)**

 **But it's still SO easy to get people to help us.**

 **/**

DON (Voice-over)  
More and more people begin finding the cheese and escaping the catacombs.

DJ&Momma leave, with DJ's screaming and carrying Momma, who looks deadpan. They jump into a cheese and sail away. After them come Eva/Tyler & Cameron/Jo, Eva and Jo glaring at each other, followed by Izzy/Mavis and Alejandro/Heather & Shawn/Jasmine.

IZZY  
Hahah, time to sail!

She and Mavis jump right away into the cheese wheel.

SHAWN  
They forgot their paddles.

JASMINE  
Who cares, let's move!

Pan to Eva & Jo. They are trying to knock each other off the cheese wheel.

TYLER  
Woah Eva, watch out!

CAMERON  
Jo, if you keep rocking the cheese wheel the momentum is going to tip us ove-

It does. Both Eva/Tyler & Jo/Cameron's cheese wheel fall behind as they keep swimming (well, not Cameron, he's just holding onto Jo) towards the Louvre.

Cut to the chillzone.

DON

DJ and Momma, 4th place! *Cloud high-fives DJ* Izzy and Mavis, 5th! Heather and Alejandro, 6th, and Shawn and Jasmine, 7th!

Eva/Tyler & Jo/Cameron approach the chillzone.

DON  
Jocks, Brains and Brawn, you're tied for 8th. Or that would be, but since you didn't sail your cheeses here, you both get a 20 minute penalty. And I know your temper, if you hit me or each other, you're disqualified.

They just grumble and accept their punishment.

 **EVA (Conf)  
If we're not on the Top 10, GOD HELP ME. *She punches the camera, Tyler just sighs***

Zoey and Gwen talk while they are on the rafts.

GWEN  
Thanks for helping me get a bit more comfortable with my fear of being underground.

ZOEY  
Not a problem! We all got something we need others help to overcome, we just have to be brave and face it head-on!

Gwen raises an eyebrow at that statement, recalling what Bridgette said.

DON  
Darnell and Lightning, 8th Place! Zoey and Vivi, 9th place! Thomas & Gwen, 10th! *Eva screams on the background*

Cut to the catacombs. Katie&Sadie are being afraid, Dawn&Ella approach them.

DAWN  
Hey, Katie! What is wrong? Your auras seem incredibly shaky.

KATIE  
It's just like, this place gives me, the creeps.

SADIE  
Oh, totally! It's not a good place at all!

They hear a roar on the distance and then hug each other.

DAWN  
You should not fear this place, or the creature that's incoming. *A rat pops out a corner* Isn't that right, little one? *She pets it*

SADIE  
Wow Dawn, how can you keep your calm at a situation like this.

DAWN

The way to get through hardships is by having inner peace.

ELLA  
That's really, really wise.

DAWN  
Thanks, I found it on the internet.

Cut back to Don, as more teams arrive.

DON  
Damien and Jose, 11th place! Bridgette and Courtney, 12th. *Shows Mike and Vinnie* 13th! *Shows Leshawna and Leshaniqua* 14th!

LESHAWNA  
Aw yeah, we're climbing our way up the ranks! *They high five*

DON  
Max and Scarlett, 15th! Trent and Justin, 16th! And with only 10 teams left, Eva and Jo are DYING to see when their penalty will be up!

JO  
You wanna die too? I can arrange that!

Don just gulps. More teams arrive, 10 minutes left on their penalty timer.

DON  
Sugar and Sparkle, 17th! Scott and Albertha, 18th! *Sugar just stomps the ground, angry* Ella and Dawn, 19th! Katie and Sadie, 20th! *Shows Blaineley and Chris* 21st! *Show Josh and Topher* 22nd!

Camera cuts to the remaining teams, FINALLY reaching the cheese wheels, as the penalty timer drops down to five.

JASON  
We're going to the Louvre, alright! Paris rules!

ANNE MARIA

Nuh-uh, Paris is totally not like I expected.

DAKOTA  
Tell me about it! I didn't even have the time to go shopping!

LINDSAY

Ugh, I don't even want to talk about it. Saw some really shiny boots, didn't go for them, and we're still the last teams!

PHILIPP  
Yes, I'm afraid we really need to up your game.

DAKOTA  
Will do, Dad. I just need some incentive! You know, maybe a really expensive collar?

Philipp looks at her and just sighs. He takes out his cellphone.

PHILIPP  
I have something better. *Starts the call* Hello, paparazzi? Can you meet us on the Louvre?

Dakota's eye shine.

 **DAKOTA (Conf)  
Yes, I am Daddy's girl, but I also am not afraid to do what I need to be famous!**

 **PHILIPP (Conf)  
I found her game-on switch.**

Dakota pushes the cheese wheel into the water and begins going furiously, but still trying to strike a pose every once in a while for the cameras.

ANNE MARIA  
We's gots to move to!

The four last teams paddle their way through the river/canal, I'm sorry, I should have researched. We cut back to Eva/Tyler & Jo/Cameron, now with a minute left on their penalty.

EVA  
Can't believe a lousy penalty is dropping us around 20 positions. Never been this low on anything. It's ALL YOUR FAULT, JOKE!

JO  
I'm a Joke, Poison Eva? You were the one trying to push us around, thinking you're the best jock ever.

CAMERON  
Okay, can't you both just STOP for a second? I know you are lone wolfs and anything, but don't you see? Trying to fight each other is just putting us at risk of elimination, but if we worked together, we'd be unstoppable!

JO  
Pipsqueak's actually right. I don't think anyone would be a match for us.

EVA  
I'm not afraid to stab you on the back if it comes down to it.

JO  
That's the way I like it.

They shake hands and see a flash.

DON  
Dakota and Philipp, 23rd place! Now can you please get the paparazzi out of here, it's gonna ruin our recording.

A bell rings, the penalty for the Jocks and Brain and Brawns are over.

DON

You two teams are tied for 24th. Better step up your game next time, that's a huge drop in positions!

They both threaten him and he cowers. Eva and Jo then smile at each other.

The last three teams are paddling for their lives in the competition.

 **LINDSAY (Conf)  
Though it'd be ironing if I got booted in France, I don't really like Ironing!**

 **PAULA (Conf)  
We didn't even stop and shop to lose because of that! We HAVE to stay on the competition.**

 **/**

 **ANNE MARIA (Conf)  
Paris was a bust! But Anne Maria is still in for the win! No way ditsy white chicks and farm boys are gonna stop us!**

JASON (Conf)

 **You tell 'em, girl!**

 **/**

 **RODNEY (Conf)  
We have to stay in the race so I can win over Debbie!**

 **DEBBIE (Conf)  
Can you get that out of your mind?**

DON  
The last three teams are almost here! One of them WILL get eliminated! Who's it going to be?

They are all really close to one another. They're going fast, fast. Anne Maria and Jason are the trailing ones and begin falling back even more. Anne Maria grins and uses her hair spray to blind Debbie.

DEBBIE  
Can't seeee! *Trips and hits the ground*

RODNEY

Debbie, NO!

Rodney stops and goes back to pick her up, and while he does-

DON  
Lindsay and Paula, 26th! Anne Maria and Jason, 27th!

Rodney, carrying Debbie, sadly walks to the carpet of completion. Debbie looks devastated. Don talks to them.

DON  
Rodney, Debbie. You're the last team to arrive and you ARE cut from the competition. But did you have to squander the only Non-Elimination Leg in the race? It would be really epic if you came from behind and won in the end. But well, dem's the breaks. You're out.

DEBBIE *Being carried*  
We understand, Don.

The camera begins to flash through their 'best moments'. Being on the subway, on the CN Tower elevator, on the airport, Rodney drinking the spice, their confession, Debbie's drawing and all.

*They recollect their thoughts while being eliminated*

 **DEBBIE  
** **I'm sad we couldn't get further in the race.**

 **RODNEY  
No, it's my fault for being a bad partner. I thought being good at love meant being a romantic, falling in love at first sight, being hopeless to it. But that way, things don't work out.**

 **DEBBIE  
Uh, yeah, it's true. Glad you're notcing that!**

 **RODNEY**  
 **I'm sorry if I freaked you out. I really, ugh, didn't stalk you.**

 **DEBBIE  
I understand. But hey, you aren't all that bad. Maybe we can be friends and nothing more than that now?**

 **RODNEY**  
 **Friends, uh… *He seems sad, but pumps his arms up* Heck yeah, first friendzone!**

 ***END***

* * *

Hope this was a good chapter! I did what I wanted to do at least. Next chapter will focus on some of the quieter teams for a while, from my plans, heh.

* * *

 **PLACEMENTS**

 **01 - DUNCAN AND CHASE - Delinquent and Parole Officer**

 **02 - CHEF AND BRICK - Military Cadets**

 **03 - SKY AND CLOUD - Olympians**

 **04 - DJ AND MOMMA - Cooks**

 **05 - IZZY AND MAVIS - Nutjobs**

 **06 - ALEJANDRO AND HEATHER - Strategists**

 **07 - SHAWN AND JASMINE - Survivalists**

 **08 - DARNELL AND LIGHTNING - Athlete Father &Son**

 **09 - ZOEY AND VIVI - Indie Chicks**

 **10 - THOMAS AND GWEN - Goth Siblings**

 **11 - DAMIEN AND JOSE - Second Bananas**

 **12 - BRIDGETTE AND COURTNEY - Old Friends**

 **13 - MIKE AND VINNIE - Uncle and Nephew**

 **14 - LESHAWNA AND LESHANIQUA - Cousins**

 **15 - MAX AND SCARLETT - Evil Geniuses**

 **16 - TRENT AND JUSTIN - Musicians**

 **17 - SUGAR AND SPARKLE - Beauty Pageant Runner-ups**

 **18 - SCOTT AND ALBERTHA - Barn Siblings**

 **19 - ELLA AND DAWN - Animal Lovers**

 **20 - KATIE AND SADIE - BFFFs**

 **21 - CHRIS AND BLAINELEY - TV Hosts**

 **22 - JOSH AND TOPHER - Paparazzi**

 **23 - DAKOTA AND PHILIPP - Daughter and Daddy**

 **TIED FOR 24 - EVA AND TYLER (Originally 8th) - Jocks**

 **TIED FOR 24 - JO AND CAMERON (Originally 8th) - Brains and Brawn**

 **26 - Lindsay and Paula - Sisters**

 **27 - Anne Maria and Jason - Tan Buddies**

 **28 - Rodney and Debbie - Daters? (ELIMINATED)**


	4. Mediterranean Homesick Blues

**Timeline:** This replaces RR. Same route, same challenges, different teams.

 **Canon:** In this Canon, Owen/Beth/Heather/Cameron/Zoey/Shawn are the official winners.

Please drop a review!

* * *

 **RIDONCULOUS RACE**

 **Episode 4 - Mediterranean Homesick Blues**

* * *

DON  
Last time on The Ridonculous Race, teams went to Paris, the city of love, but beside's Ella's crush on Trent, no one was really feeling it. Courtney apologized to Gwen, who didn't accept it, Eva and Jo's conflict gave them a penalty that dropped them into the Bottom 5 and Olympians Sky and Cloud learned that they couldn't both be the leader of their team.

DON  
In the end, Delinquent and Parole Officer locked up first place, but though they tried, questionable daters Rodney and Debbie were eliminated from the race after Debbie taught Rodney that true love and stalking are completely different things.

DON

Who will go home next? Let's find out! It's time for more - THE RIDONCULOUS RACE!

 ***THEME SONG***

DON  
Yesterday's Chill Zone was the Louvre, which is today starting point. Teams start in the order they finish, which means yesterday's winners, Duncan and Chase will go first.

DUNCAN

Take the train to Calanque de Maubois on the Mediterranean Coast and search the station for your next travel tip. Let's go!

Duncan prepares to run, but Chase puts a pair of handcuffs on him.

DUNCAN  
What?!

CHASE (Conf) *Duncan just glares*  
I let him out of my sight for one second and he somehow blows up a full wall on the Parisian Catacombs.

DUNCAN (Conf)  
I'm good am I not?

CHASE (Conf) *Sarcastic*  
So good I don't want to let you out of my arm range.

DON (Voice-over through post cards)

Teams must take the train south to Calanque de Maubois. Calanque de Maubois skirts the Mediterranean with sands so fine you WANT IT to get in your shorts. The red cliffs are just one of the many sites that make this a popular tourist spot. Did I mention that the beaches are awesome? Because they are.

Duncan, angry, leaves handcuffed to Chase. Chef/Brick & Sky/Cloud both hit the DonBox, Chef and Brick get their tip and run while Sky and Cloud both try to get the tip and fighting, fall backwards. Momma DJ tiptoes over them and get the clue for her and DJ..

MOMMA  
Now are you gonna keep fighting or we're going to help each other this leg again?

SKY  
Help? I thought you bailed on us when we tried to get a plane upgrade.

DJ  
That was a bummer, yeah, but we were also guilt tripping you, so I think we're even.

MOMMA  
So do you think you two can stop your bickerin' for a second?

CLOUD  
Sky just needs to stop trying to be the leader when she doesn't know how to.

SKY

Yeah, because you're really a team player.

MOMMA  
You know what, nevermind.

Momma just drags DJ away while Sky/Cloud continue bickering.

DJ (Conf)  
Those girls need a chill pill, seriously.

/

SKY (Conf)  
Okay, can we set our differences aside for a moment? We can't let our rivalry cost us the game.

CLOUD (Conf)

If by differences you mean the fact you're worse than me in every aspect, sure.

SKY (Conf)

If you're going to continue with these kinds of statements I definitely have you beat in maturity.

Izzy/Mavis, Alejandro/Heather and Shawn/Jasmine all get their clue. We cut to the streets, where Chef and Brick are trying to get a cab, but no cabs stop. Chef gets a bit angry and steps into the street, in front of an incoming car.

CHEF  
STOP THE VEHICLE!

The cab stops centimeters away from Chef. He and Brick enter the cab.

BRICK  
Train station, please!

CHEF  
AND GET THERE AS FAST AS YOU CAN MAGGOT!

The taxi driver just shivers on the spot, nods, and begins driving.

CHEF (Conf)  
Some people say me and cadet here are the Bad Cop and the Good Cop. *He begins screaming to the camera, Brick takes a step back instinctively* BUT THAT IS NOT HOW THINGS SHOULD GO! I NEED TO WHIP UP CADET INTO SHAPE. WE'RE NOT A BAD COP AND A GOOD COP! WE'RE A BAD COP AND A WORSE COP! NO MERCY! Now drop down and give me twenty!

BRICK (Conf) *He drops and begins going for the push-ups*  
Sir, yes, sir!

Duncan and Chase are waiting for a cab too, and Duncan notices what Chef did.

DUNCAN  
Want to pull out your badge and do the same thing?

Chase just pulls the cuffs with force which throws Duncan into a lightpost. We cut to Alejandro and Heather, who stop by the subway entrance.

HEATHER  
Alright, the subway. Should be the faster way!

ALEJANDRO  
If you say so, milady.

They notice Shawn and Jasmine approaching behind.

HEATHER  
Oh, you two! Going to take the subway as well? Good for you for facing your fears!

JASMINE  
Ah, pardon' me?

HEATHER  
I mean, going into a completely sealed-off capsule on a fast train underground. If anything bad happened there would be no way out. Forever stuck there. For eternity.

Shawn and Jasmine look at each other before freaking out

SHAWN&JASMINE  
TAXI!

SHAWN (Conf)

Being a thrill-seeker doesn't seem so fun anymore.

They're both shaking on the confessional.

Heather and Alejandro just laugh as they take the subway. Izzy and Mavis and Darnell and Lightning follow them.

HEATHER  
Oh great, the nutjobs are coming with us.

LIGHTNING  
Hey, don't call the Sha-Lightning a nutjob or whatever you called me! When me and my pops team up, we're sha-unstoppable! Or Un-sha-stoppable! Shanstoppable? Whatever, invincible!

IZZY  
Oh yeah, because your dad seems SO interested in the race.

Izzy points to Darnell, who's once again taking a call. Lightning tries to talk to him, but his dad just shoos him away, telling him not to be a bother.

On the Louvre, the Indie Chicks, the Goth Siblings and Damien/Jose all get their tips and leave. Bridgette/Courtney, Mike/Vinnie and Leshawna/Leshaniqua also get theirs. Zoey and Gwen are talking and laughing.

ZOEY  
Race you to the train station!

GWEN

Yeah, and you two can bet you're going down!

She laughs. Thomas gets visibily angry but doesn't comment on anything. While they're running to the taxi stop, Jose and Damien catch-up to them.

JOSE  
Hey, girls, how are you doing?

ZOEY *A bit hostile*  
Oh… Jose… what do you want?

DAMIEN  
Chill with the tone, redhead! We're not here to harm you.

GWEN  
I don't know about you, but we know Jose and how he acted in All-Stars.

JOSE  
You did and you don't feel bad for me? I'm sure you know how Alejandro and Heather both are, all our lives we suffered in their hands, and I bet they weren't nice guys to you either.

ZOEY  
But you were insulting him over there, and he only went to hit you because you insulted Heather! It definitely feels like HE was the one who suffered on your hand.

JOSE  
Oh yes, because me being the bad guy would justify him using girls in World Tour. Wake up, he's a bigger snake than you think he is, and I was only mean to him because he was a conniving douche back home, always doing bad stuff and then pinning it on me. He raised hell as the youngest brother.

DAMIEN  
And I don't think I need to take any time to explain how Heather is a B-I-T-

GWEN  
Okay, we get it. What are you trying to say?

DAMIEN  
We make an alliance, work together, and take them both down.

ZOEY *Smiling*  
I'm going to be honest, it's actually pretty tempting.

DAMIEN (Conf)  
For the record, I was the one who thought of that. Jose just wanted to pour grease all over Alejandro.

JOSE (Conf)  
My plan was good, it just needed some tweaks, but still, you did good. Now, with them on our side, we take down Alejandro and Heather and then make the final 3!

DAMIEN (Conf)  
What, no! We betray them! We can't go to the Final 3 with strong teams, you doofus! *He slaps him, Jose just stands there, sore*

/

VIVI (Conf)  
Did you buy what they were saying?

ZOEY (Conf)  
I mean, it does make sense, and Alejandro isn't exactly trustworthy. Plus, isn't the enemy of the enemy your ally?

VIVI (Conf)

Not exactly…

/

GWEN (Conf)

Jose doesn't scream 'trustworthy' and you shouldn't trust a Burromuerto. But then again, they do seem like they're just bitter.

A couple more teams get their tips on the Louvre as we cut to the train station.

DON (Voice-Over)

The first train has arrived, and the first 8 teams are getting ready to depart while three teams try to jump from the middle pack into the leading one.

We pan across the train, Duncan/Chase, Chef/Brick, Sky/Cloud, DJ/Momma, Izzy/Mavis, Alejandro/Heather, Shawn/Jasmine, Darnell/Lightning are all there.

LIGHTNING

Can't this train get going already? I don't want any more of the sha-losers being TIED for first with us!

The train doors close and the first train departs.

LIGHTNING  
Yeah, alright! That's what I'm sha-talking about!

Zoey/Vivi, Gwen/Thomas & Jose/Damien pass by them. Jose teasingly waves his hand at Alejandro, who grumbles and rolls his eyes.

TRAIN 1 - Delinquent/Parole Officer, Military Cadets, Olympians, Cooks, Nutjobs, Strategists, Survivalists, Athlete Father&Son, Indie Chicks, Goth Siblings, Second Bananas.

Back at the station, Bridgette/Courtney & Leshawna/Leshaniqua barely miss the train. Courtney is basically looking down the entire time.

BRIDGETTE  
Oh, no, we just narrowly missed it!

LESHAWNA  
Dammit, now we got to wait for another one? All the other teams are gonna catch up!

Leshawna notices out of the corner of her eye that Courtney is looking down. She approaches Bridgette.

LESHAWNA  
What's the matter with her, Bridge? I don't think I've seen Courtney this sad even after that punk made out with gothball. Or at least not that sad without chanelling that sadness into anger.

BRIDGETTE  
Yeah, she's… she's going through some stuff. Also, Gothball? I thought you and Gwen were friends!

LESHAWNA  
Hard to be friends with someone who forgets you exist. Honestly I feel like me and pasty were only friends because we were both against Heather.

BRIDGETTE  
...What do you mean?

LESHAWNA  
Girl sets a goal and then just ignores the world around her. Can't say I blame her, it's a productive way to get your stuff done, but that ain't no way for me to live.

Leshaniqua gets near them.

LESHANIQUA

Oh, let me get into this dirt! Leshawna told this to me way more than I wanted to listen, so I'm practically a pro at that subject, gurl! *She lunges an arm around Bridgette* Remember when Gwen was trying to apologize to Courtney?

BRIDGETTE  
Yes…

LESHANIQUA  
Well, at the same time, Duncan was acting a bit awkwardly, right? So the moment it became too much and was getting in her way of her goal of apologizing, she used that as an excuse to break off with him.

LESHAWNA  
Now you know my stance on Duncan, he's just a punk and I'd say that was well deserved, but you'd think she'd take him aside and, y'know, talk about it before dumping his ass. But nah, her goal was to apologizing to Courtney, so why would she care about her boyfriend, right?

BRIDGETTE  
That's, not a really healthy long-term strategy.

LESHAWNA  
You tellin' me? Because of that, bodalicious Leshawna is Gwen-less! Can't say I'm a fan of that way of life either. Now I can't say I'm a big fan of what Courtney does either, girl's way in over her head, but you go take care of her, Bridge. Sweet talking to you after all this time.

BRIDGETTE *Smiles and waves*  
You too! Good luck on the race!

As she talks, Mike/Vinnie, Max/Scarlett and Trent/Justin arrive. They all enter the second train as it begins to leave.

TRAIN 2 - Old Friends, Cousins, Musicians, Evil Geniuses, Uncle and Nephew

DON (Voice-over)  
As the second train departs, the last few teams get their clues.

PHILLIP *As he gets the clue*  
Got it, Dakota! Now we better hurry if you wanna be part of that photoshoot down at the train station, and remember, leading teams get more screentime!

DAKOTA  
Yes, daddy! I wouldn't miss it for the world!

They begin running.

DAKOTA (Conf)  
Daddy found the perfect way to motivate me. And it was with something more special than material items… *pause* fame!

Eva and Jo get their tips at the same time.

CAMERON  
Alright, remember, let's get this tag team going! With the strength of you two combined, my brains and Tyler's… spirit.

TYLER *yells*  
YEAH!

CAMERON  
...we'll definitely take over this game!

EVA  
If it gets me into the first positions again, I'm up for it.

JO

Agreed with Unibrawl. Now let's get going.

The two teams runs to get a taxi to the train station.

JO (Conf)  
That's how it's going to go, we'll get along with Eva and Tyler, and when they least expect, we're going to gut them!

CAMERON (Conf)  
Or can we NOT be ruining our alliance when there's still 25 other teams left to beat?

Finally, Lindsay/Paula and Anne Maria/Jason get their tips. We focus on Anne Maria.

ANNE MARIA (Conf)  
Sure, some could say I played a bit dirty yesterday, but hey, it worked! Now farm boys are out and we're still in.

JASON (Conf)  
Almost being eliminated -totally- makes you want to step up your game.

ANNE MARIA (Conf)  
And going to the beaches at the South of France, where the sun isn't a cooking over like Morocco? Gonna get _so_ much mileage out of my tan sprays.

JASON (Conf)

We're just hitting ALL the hot spots.

ANNE MARIA (Conf)

And we GOTS to get out of the back if we wanna keep hitting 'em, hon!

/

PAULA (Conf)  
Okay, bottom three twice? That's SO not the record I want to leave on TV. Getting back home and hearing those girls at college mocking me about that? It's bad enough I keep being bottom three on test scores.

LINDSAY (Conf)

So even if we _really_ want to go to all the beaches we have to stop getting distracted.

PAULA (Conf)  
Yeah, no distractions, eyes on the prize, head on the game.

LINDSAY (Conf)  
Hello, my full body was already in the game, we're racing!

Sugar and Sparkle reach the train station.

SUGAR  
Alright, made it! And there's a lot of other people still behind us!

SPARKLE  
No, not good enough! We have to move up in the race, but you messed up the drawing and we fell way too much, no, no good.

SUGAR  
Ah'm sorry ah drew you prettier than you are, ma! I promise it woyn't hap'en' agayn!

SPARKLE  
Now we just have to hope no one arrives before the train gets here.

Scott appears right by them.

SCOTT  
'Sup.

SUGAR

Well darn' it, that plan's already ruined.

ALBERTHA

You're waiting for the train?

SPARKLE

Yes, we are. What did it look like we were doing?

SCOTT  
Uh, not one for conversation, right?

SPARKLE  
Look, what do you want? You don't seem like a guy who'd make small talk either.

SCOTT

Right on target, ma'am. You see, we couldn't help but overhear your talk, and we're not happy with our placement either.

ALBERTHA  
So how 'bout we crush some of the competition, eh?

SUGAR  
Though I'm definitely goin' to crush everyone in this game to snag the first place ribbon', I'm not sure I trust you guys!

SCOTT  
Well, I heard that Zoey said she's prettier than you. *He whispers to Sugar, who just gaps.*

SPARKLE *Hearing that as well*  
What?! How COULD SHE. That red-head has NOTHING on my honey!

SCOTT  
I know, I believe you!

ALBERTHA  
And we want to choke her with her pigtails too.

SPARKLE  
We're in.

SCOTT (Conf)  
As easy as stealing fruit from a tree.

ALBERTHA (Conf)  
Last time you tried that you almost got your butt chewed off by that farmer's dog. *Snorts*

SCOTT (Conf) *Huffs and crosses his arms*  
HEY! One less pair of pants, two baskets worth of apples, I'd say I came out on top.

Ella/Dawn & Katie/Sadie also arrive. Sparkle just stomps her feet on the ground, angry. Dawn notices that.

DAWN  
Oh, oh my.

KATIE  
What is it?

DAWN  
Sugar always seemed like a mean person to me, and her aura didn't seem to show any signs of weakness…

SADIE  
So, she was like, genuinely a bad person?

DAWN  
That's what I thought, but whenever her mom gets angry her aura seems to waver a bit.

KATIE  
Oh… what does that mean? Is she scared of her mom?

DAWN  
Not just scared… terrified.

*Dramatic music plays*

DAWN (Conf)  
Poor girl, I never noticed, but she must be going through such terrible things… she's been brainwashed to a point where she can't even tell the right from wrong.

ELLA (Conf)  
I knew it! I knew Sugar was a good person!

DAWN (Conf) *ominous tone*

...not right now, she isn't…

/

KATIE (Conf)  
Dawn is just so cool!

SADIE (Conf)  
Oh, like, totally! Obviously not as cool as my BFFF, but her aura stuff is totally wicked cool.

KATIE (Conf) *Smiling a lot*  
Yeah, and she's so inviting! First new person in a while that I feel like I can really trust.

SPARKLE  
Train must be arriving any second now. ANY second.

She waits. Instead of the train, Dakota/Phillip, Chris/Blaineley and Josh/Topher arrive.

TOPHER  
What, not happy to see the one and only Topher?

CHRIS *Sighs and whispers to Blaineley*

If he was trying to impersonate me he definitely went too far on being egotistic.

BLAINELEY *Sarcastic*  
Yeah, right! I'd say he still has a lot to learn.

TOPHER  
No whispering back there! Remember, if you've got any complaints, talk to the leaders of the alliance!

JOSH  
Yeah-huh! We choose the scoops and you do the grunt work!

BLAINELEY  
Sure, whatever you say Joshie, we're listening.

CHRIS *Whispers*  
How much longer does this need to go?

BLAINELEY *Whispers back*  
Just 23 legs of the race left.

CHRIS *Whispers*  
Oh, I'm DEFINITELY going to lose before then.

The train arrives and Topher gets in front of the camera.

DON (Voice-over)  
As the- *Interrupted*

TOPHER  
The train finally arrives! Will the trailing teams get here before the train departs or will they be stuck on a train all of their own? Find out next in - the Ridonculous Race!

CHRIS  
Great, now he's trying to take over this show too, see what a virus he is?

Don does his actual voice-over as we cut inside the train, where all those teams are.

DON (Voice-over)  
...yes, the third train has arrived, but no, we're not cutting for commercial breaks

The P.A. System of the train begins to speak and the doors begin to close.

TRAIN SPEAKER  
Now departing for *Deep voice* CALANQUE DE MAUBOIS

SPARKLE  
Yes! There's still four teams left behind us-

Eva appears, literally pushing the closed door of the train out of the way. Eva/Tyler, Cameron/Jo, Lindsay/Paula and Anne Maria/Jason all enter.

SPARKLE  
Nevermind.

DON (Voice-over)  
And with the last teams finally departing from Paris, we're going to cut ahead a little bit as the first teams arrive in the Calanque de Maubois, where their next clue awaits!

The teams from train number one run through the station.

MAVIS  
Hurry! There's the box shaped like the egotistical man!

Darnell and Lightning are the first to get a clue.

DARNELL  
Botch or Watch. Who's ready to swim with the sharks?

LIGHTNING

Lightning is sha-ready to swim with the sha-sharks!

DON (Voice-Over)  
Yes, in this botch or watch, whoever didn't draw the caricature in Paris will have to get their next tip from the fin of a great white shark.

DARNELL  
Eaten contestants may be disqualified. Be careful, son!

LIGHTNING *Happy*  
Aw, thanks pops!

DARNELL  
Don't be the reason we are disqualified.

Lightning's mood drops (as well as his shoulders) and he begins walking to the shark beach.

DUNCAN *Looks at Chase.*

Are you going to let me go or are you swimming with me?

CHASE *Mumbles*

Finee… *Tries to search for the key, but there's none there* Uh-oh.

DUNCAN  
...Don't tell me you lost the key.

CHASE  
Fine. I won't.

Cloud runs and dives into the water, and begins to swim.

CLOUD  
I bet you're glad you're getting the easy challenges while I drink the spiciest stew ever and have to swim with the sharks.

SKY *pretends she misheard*  
What's that? Are you saying you couldn't handle it?

Cloud grumbles and goes to swim. We cut to DJ/Momma, DJ is putting a LOT of floats on his mom.

MOMMA  
Devon, take a deep breath, you know me, I can handle this!

DJ  
But mom, I've swam with sharks before! They're merciless creatures! I don't want anything bad to happen to you at all!

MOMMA  
Well, if we don't want to get eliminated, I gotta go there. I'm glad you're worried about me, though. *Leaves towards the water*

DJ (Conf, Alone)  
I can't help it, okay? I know I'm scared of a lot of things but I'd rather do the challenge than see Momma in such a dangerous situation. Even though she's probably stronger than the sharks.

Inside the water, Brick is swimming, trying to get to a shark. He's scared, and trying to breathe slowly to regain composure.

BRICK  
Don't worry, Brick, this is JUST a shark. You managed to get through the deep dark catacombs without any problem, didn't you? That's right, Chef's training is totally paying off.

BRICK (Conf)

When I began to train under Chef, my life completely changed. No more breaks, no more holding back, giving it my all 100% of the time.

CHEF (Conf)  
And that's how it was on the battlefield! Or what, did you think they would have breaks for tea? *Silly voice* Excuse me, French Soldiers, but it's 5'o clock, you know what it means. *Back to barking* NO WAY!

A shark begins approaching Brick. He closes his eyes and instinctively prepares to punch him on the nose. As he prepares for the punch and the shark gets closer, Cloud comes out of the water over him and nabs the tip from the shark, who turns to her.

CLOUD  
Sorry, maggot, but this tip is mine!

She begins swimming back to shore. Brick just looks at her in awe, but notices the shark breathing on his back.

BRICK  
Uh, you don't have a tip anymore so I won't bother you, mister shark!

He begins swimming away, screaming. Jasmine passes him and begins going towards a shark as well. Alejandro calls out in the distance.

ALEJANDRO  
Be careful! I heard shark's mouths are INCREDIBLY dark and tiny!

Jasmine just gulps remembering her claustrophobia, and Alejandro just smirks. We pan to Vivi, who's trying to sneak up on a shark, being very silent.

VIVI  
Careful, careful. You know sharks, you've seen a lot of documentaries on them.

Thomas approaches and calls her over.

THOMAS  
Hey, Vivi, is it?

THOMAS  
Shhh, not now, I'm trying to grab the tip!

THOMAS  
Look, it will be quick.

She tries to pull her by the collar.

THOMAS *Threatening*  
Tell you and your hippie friend Zoey to stay the heck away from my sister. Stop trying to transform her into one of you "the world is a beautiful place" type of persons.

Vivi looks at Thomas and just begins to laugh out loud.

VIVI  
Hahahahaha, oh my god, you can't be serious.

THOMAS *Angry*  
I AM serious!

VIVI  
Oh, okay, whatever you say, we won't let your sister be happy! *Continues laughing and when she turns, she's face to face with the shark*

She looks around nervously, gulps and quickly avoids the bite to grab the Shark's tip.

VIVI  
k thx bye

She begins swimming away to the shore. Alejandro, nearby, easily gets a tip as well. Duncan is struggling trying to do the botch or watch WHILE handcuffed to Chase.

CLOUD *getting out of the water*  
All-in! We're making a sandcastle.

DON (Voice-over)  
That's right! Contestants need to build a sandcastle replica of the Palace of Versailles, and ask from approval from this local sandcastle expert, Sandy McCastles, if that's even his real name. Once they get their next tip they can get on a boat and drive themselves here *camera cuts*, to the coast of Iceland, the chillzone for this leg of the race. How are they going to the South of France to Iceland on a boat? *Shows map and shows that it's something quite impossible* These boats have a LOT of gas.

Cut, beach music begins to play. Cloud and Sky are making the palace, one starting at each side, and each side looks quite different. Vivi and Zoey are making a castle but are attacked by crabs and run away. Alejandro and Heather are making a castle but Jose (finishing the botch/watch) stomps on it.

JOSE  
Haha! Now you're setback a little!

ALEJANDRO  
Yes, Jose, that was very mature on your side.

JOSE  
I don't care about maturity, I care about taking you down!

DAMIEN (Conf, Alone)  
Jose needs a bit of a lecture on how to 'properly' take people down. Right now he's just being the dumb school bully.

Lightning, almost eaten by a shark, lands on the shore holding the tip. A shark appears on the water and Izzy jumps on it, riding it like a mechanical bull. A shark tries to scare Momma off but Momma just ignores it and gets the clue.

DON (Voice-over)  
As more people finish the botch-or-watch, the second train arrives with more teams.

BRIDGETTE *Holding the tip*

Alright, water challenge, this one is on me!

COURTNEY  
Good… good luck!

BRIDGETTE  
I don't NEED luck!

MIKE

Man, swimming with the sharks, uh? This is going to be a tricky one.

VINNIE  
What, are you going to chicken out? Do I need to make a bad chicken noise to make you go?

MIKE  
That won't be necessary.

We cut to Scarlett in the water. As some sharks approach her, they suddenly run away. Scarlett just smiles and raises a magnet. We cut to Max and Justin on the shore.

MAX *Nudges Justin, who just looks at him awkwardly*

That's my sidekick.

SCARLETT (Conf)  
No, sharks aren't afraid of me, but they are afraid of magnets. *Max raises his hands but Scarlett continues* Not explaining. If you're interested, try searching for once.

Sky and Cloud show their sandcastle to Sandy McCastles. He looks that the two halves are completely different and then disapproves of the castle.

SKY  
Now WHY is that?

He just points at how the two halves are different.

CLOUD  
Dammit, Sky, I keep overestimating you! I thought you'd be smart enough to know how to do something as simple as this!

Sky just glares at her. We pan to Lightning, who's getting a GIANT pile of sand.

DARNELL

Uh… are you sure it needs to be this big?

LIGHTNING  
Go big or go home! That's the motto!

DARNELL

..well, we don't want to go home…

ZOEY *Raises her hands*  
Done!

Sandy McCastles goes to check and approves of their tiny Palace of Versailles.

VIVI  
Yes! First place, alright!

DARNELL  
Nope, doesn't have to be big.

LIGHTNING  
Sha-what? That's an outrage!

Alejandro and Heather are building their sandcastle once more, but Jose throws a bucket of water on top of it, dismantling the castle.

JOSE  
Ooops! My hand slipped.

Alejandro just grits his teeth.

ALEJANDRO (Conf)  
See what I was talking about Jose? The guy is a PAIN as an older brother.

Meanwhile, Zoey and Vivi hop onto one of the boats. We cut to Trent, running away from a shark.

JUSTIN  
Dude, are you okay?!

TRENT  
No way, man! This shark is bloodthirsty!

JUSTIN  
Bloodthirsty? Ohhh, that could be the name of a song. *He begins jamming* Bloodthirsty, she sucked all the life out of me. Just trust me, cuz though she's appealing to see. Oh she's a snake, she's a flytrap, oh man, she's a leech. She'll break into your house while you hang at the beach.

We cut to the train station.

DON (Voice-over)  
And before we have to pay any royalties in the case Justin decides to patent his new song, the last train arrives, and only Zoey and Vivi are done with the sandcastle challenge.

Dakota/Phillip are the first ones out but Eva comes rushing behind her.

DAKOTA  
Daddy, hurry!

EVA  
Out of my way!

DAKOTA

Okay, sorry, you can go.

The teams from train three get the tips for the challenge, while Bridgette finishes the botch or watch.

TOPHER  
It's your turn, right?

JOSH  
Yeah, but oooohh, I wish it wasn't. *He notices Sky and Cloud fighting* Okay, catfight, I'm pumped up now!

We cut to Duncan/Chase, in the water. Duncan is visibly angry.

DUNCAN  
Dude, see what happens when you try to lock me up?! People that were BEHIND us are getting ahead of us and we can barely move! God, we're doomed!

CHASE  
Don't use that tone of voice, you know! It was your FAULT I had to do this, mister "oh let me just blow this wall up".

DUNCAN  
And it was your fault for LOSING the key!

They begin slapfighting, and out of nowhere a huge shark begins to tower over them.

DUNCAN  
Oh, poop.

They both try to swim to opposite sides, but the handcuff doesn't let them. The shark closes in for a bite and…

...snaps the handcuffs in half.

DUNCAN  
Yes, FREE! FREE!

CHASE  
Oh, my wrist is screaming in glee from the liberty!

Chase holds the shark's head while Duncan grabs the tip from the fin. They high-five and begin swimming back to shore, where we cut to Izzy and Mavis, who made an upside-down Palace of Versailles, that McCastles approve. They cartwheel into the boats.

MAVIS  
Okay, did you bring your boat license?

IZZY  
What's a license?

They crack themselves up laughing. Beach music plays. We cut to Sky and Cloud, whose second sandcastle is approved, and they go into one of the boats as well, right behind Lightning and Darnell. Jose throws Damien face-first into the third Alejandro/Heather sandcastle, destroying it and Brick finally manages to get back to shore, with bite marks all over and out of his mind. Shawn still looks for Jasmine, who's nowhere to be seen.

We cut to Scott/Albertha. Albertha is preparing to do the botch or watch and Scott is FAR FAR away, on dry land.

ALBERTHA  
Why are you that far from the beach?

SCOTT *Scared*  
SHARKS! You know how I am regarding SHARKS?

SCOTT (Conf, )  
That damned Fang began to appear on my nightmares! It's moments like these I'm glad to live on a farm as far away as possible from the coast.

Meanwhile, Trent's still running from a shark (while beach music plays). Ella and Katie approach him.

ELLA  
Trent! Oh no, are you okay?!

TRENT *Still swimming from the shark*  
I could definitely use a little help.

ELLA  
Bad shark! Don't you see he means no harm?

The shark looks at Ella. Then back at Trent. Then hugs Trent and gives him his tip.

TRENT  
Uh, oh… thanks.

ELLA *Hugs him*

Oh, Trent, I thought you were in harm's way! I couldn't fathom seeing you hurt!

TRENT *Gives in to the hug*

...yeah... thanks. Now let's get your tip and get out of here before another shark comes.

KATIE  
I'm going to get my tip over there and stop being a third wheel, okay? *Ella giggles while still holding on to Trent*

We cut to the leading teams on the boats. Zoey and Vivi lead, with Izzy and Mavis closely behind. Sky and Cloud are right behind Lightning/Darnell and are trying to overtake them.

SKY  
CLOUD, let me drive! I know how we can pass Lightning!

CLOUD  
Yeah, if I'm not being able, then HOW could you possibly do it? Face your limitations, kiddo.

SKY  
You're only five years older than me!

CLOUD  
Like I said, kiddo.

LIGHTNING  
What the heck are those two talking about? Bunch of crazy chicks, right Pops? *He nudges pops, but no response*

*Darnell is back on his cellphone again*

LIGHTNING *Sad*  
Yeah, pops.

Back to the botch/watch with the sharks. Eva is swimming and two sharks are coming straight to them. When they get close enough, she just holds the two and smash their heads together, and gets two tips while the sharks are dizzy.

Jo, who was still getting there, gets a tip from Eva and laughs.

JO  
Hey, leave some of them for me as well.

EVA  
Hah, it isn't a challenge, just burocracy, you wouldn't have fun with it either way.

JO

...you know what? You're good, Eva.

EVA  
Uh… thanks! You're not that bad either.

They get their clues and go back to the shore. Jo calls to Cameron.

JO  
Hey, pipsqueak, we're building a sandcastle replica of Versailles. Go ahead and plan for two.

CAMERON (Conf - with Tyler)

I can't believe it! They're actually working together!

TYLER (Conf - with Cameron)  
Little dude, we're going to ROCK this competition.

He tries to high-five Cameron but trips and falls on the sand.

We cut to Iceland, where Don just waits for the teams to arrive. Two boats pull up and two teams race for first place.

IZZY  
GET OUT OF OUR WAY, WE'RE HUNGRY FOR GOLD!

MAVIS  
YES, AND I HAVEN'T ATE GOLD IN A FEW YEARS, SO I'M STARVING!

VIVI  
Oh, man, these two!

Izzy and Mavis are catching up to Zoey and Vivi, and they actually overtake them.

IZZY  
Yes, first place!

ZOEY  
Oh, well, second place is good enough.

Right as Izzy gets one step away from the carpet she looks at something at the corner of her eye and jumps to the side.

IZZY  
SQUIRREL!

DON  
Zoey and Vivi, congratulations, you're the first team to arrive. Izzy and Mavis, once Izzy is done freaking me out, you're second.

Two more boats pull up.

DON  
Lightning and Darnell, third place! *Sky and Cloud cross the carpet slapfighting* Sky and Cloud, fourth place.

CLOUD  
We could have gotten third if you weren't bugging me at the boat!

SKY  
We could have gotten third if you only let me drive.

DON  
Yeah, whatever. *He pushes the two out of the way* With the race for first over, the contestants now fight to avoid last place and elimination.

We cut back to the beach. Duncan/Chase and Bridgette/Courtney get the approval for their sandcastles and they hop into the boats. Scarlett finishes the sandcastle but Duncan pushes Max into it as he runs, and they have to restart.

SCARLETT  
Grrr… okay, Scarlett, don't lose your mind. You can still quickly do this.

MAX  
Yes, please don't lose your mind, I agree with that.

Gwen and Shawn are waiting for their partners.

GWEN (Conf)  
Yes, Thomas is being a pain as a little brother, but still, he IS my little brother, and he's SWIMMING with sharks. What kind of person would I be if I wasn't worried?

/

SHAWN (Conf)  
Ever since those Catacombs we Paris me and Jasmine are a lot more self-conscious about our fears, and there's ZERO sight of Jasmine. Has she been turned into a zombie by a zombie shark? I DON'T KNOW AND IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS! *He begins biting his nails*

Blaineley's in the water, and so is Josh.

JOSH  
Hey.. if it's not a big problem and you want to keep this alliance… would you mind getting two clues for us?

BLAINELEY  
Do the challenge twice? Look, even if I was willing to do it, it doesn't make sense. It will take twice as long and put us even further behind.

JOSH  
Yeah, but you know, I don't want to risk my hands, they're pretty great hands and it's like, how I do my patented "CAT FIGHT".

BLAINELEY

...if I can get two clues, I'll get two clues.

JOSH  
Oh, good, then I can rest easily.

BLAINELEY (Conf)  
Okay, now realizing the fact that keeping a bad team around you isn't super worthy.

Anne Maria is humming, spraying her hair. A shark appears behind her and she just sprays inside his mouth. While the shark chokes, she gets her tip.

ANNE MARIA  
Thank you giant fish. Btw, you're too pale, you really gots to spend more time above the water.

The shark just looks at her confused. We cut to the beach. Katie, super tired, flops on the sand with the tip. Sadie runs to her desperately and presses her belly. Katie spits water (and a fish) straight into Sadie's face. Surf music begins to play again as more teams work on their sandcastles. Jose is finally done with their sandcastle and they get the approval.

HEATHER  
Finally.

They get out of the way of their fourth sandcastle and ask for approval. They FINALLY get it and get the tip that tells them to go to iceland.

ALEJANDRO  
I'm sorry for the behaviour of my brother.

HEATHER  
Oh, don't worry. It may not be on this leg, or the next one, but they'll go down if they think they can mess with us.

DJ and Momma show their castle to McCastles and get his approval. Cameron's blueprints are enough for Eva/Tyler to quickly complete the sandcastle. They both also get the tip and head for the boats. Scarlett and Max finish as well.

Back on the water, Dakota's directly facing a shark.

DAKOTA  
Hey, Shark, what's the matter! Please don't hurt me!

The shark gets closer to her. On instinct, she uppercuts the shark, who gives her the tip and goes away, crying like a hurt dog.

DAKOTA  
Guess wrestling as Dakotazoid made me able to rely in muscle memory, huh. *A paparazzi from the sky snaps her pictures and she quickly poses*

Somewhere in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea, Jasmine is running from a shark, trying to get the tip without ever being directly in front of him. On the beach, Sparkle, Mike and Thomas all finish. Gwen hugs him and they go make the sandcastle.

JOSH  
Blaineley, where's my tip? All the teams are leaving!

BLAINELEY  
Relax, I've still only got one! I TOLD you it was a bad idea.

Cut to Paula, on the middle of the sea. She sees a shark on the distance.

PAULA (Conf)

Okay, everyone was leaving, again. I had to put my fears aside and hurry to get the tip.

She begins screaming like a chihuahua when a shark comes swimming towards her. The shark, however, doesn't stop and she has to swim.

PAULA  
That did NOT got as I wanted, oh crud!

She swims towards a rock and vaults over it. The shark isn't so lucky and hits the rock face first. Leshaniqua takes the chance and gets the clue from the shark.

PAULA  
Hey, that was mine!

LESHANIQUA

Sorry not sorry, dear! Won't pass up an opportunity like this!

Paula screeches but gives in and goes to find another clue. We cut to Albertha, who gets a tip and is suddenly surrounded by sharks.

ALBERTHA  
Uh… here fishy fishy fishy?

The sharks all jump at her. Camera stops when they're in mid-air.

ALBERTHA (Conf)  
Okay, yes. Sharks are THE most terrifying thing on the world.

SCOTT (Conf)  
See? I told 'ya!

We cut to Don. A few more boats are arriving. Duncan is mocking Bridgette from his boat.

DUNCAN  
Hey, Malibu! I thought you'd be ahead of me since, you know, this was a beach, basically your house.

CHASE  
Dude, stop that.

Bridgette just narrows her eyes and ignores Duncan. Courtney pats her on the back.

COURTNEY  
...that's the best course of action with him.

Duncan just groans when he realizes he didn't get any response. His boat (and Bridgette's arrives).

DON  
Duncan and Chase, fifth place!

DUNCAN  
Haha, yeah, take that, you two! Got here ahead of you!

DON  
Yes, you did. But since you BOTH did the botch or watch, you get a 10 minute penalty. Bridgette and Courtney, you're fifth place!

Bridgette and Courtney giggle a bit. Duncan just complains "Aw, seriously?", and kicks the dock.

The camera then cuts between contestants as they arrive.

DON  
*Shows Jose/Damien* Jose and Damien, 6th! *Shows Heather/Alejandro* Reality TV Snakes, 7th! *Shows Jo and Cameron* Brain and Brawn, 8th! *Shows Eva and Tyler* Jocks, 9th place!

DJ and Momma and Brick and Chef pull up on the dock. Chef laughs at Duncan, who is just waiting there for their penalty to end.

DON  
Cooks, you're 10th. Military Cadets, you're 11th. Good job.

BRICK  
Thanks sir!

DON

...no need to be that formal.

We cut back to the beach. Paula gets their clue and Blaineley gets a second one. They head back to shore.

SHAWN  
Come on Jasmine, where are you?

Shawn begins biting his nails furiously. Blaineley hits the shore.

TOPHER  
Finally, what took you so long?

CHRIS  
The fact that you two aren't helping AT ALL?

TOPHER  
Yeah, Chris, no one asked for your opinion. Let's get to work on these sandcastles!

Cut to Don as more and more teams arrive.

DON *Pictures show as he talks*

Max and Scarlett, 12th place! Trent and Justin, 13th, Ella and Dawn, 14th!

The penalty timer clocks down to 1 minute remaining.

DON

Katie and Sadie, 15th place; Leshawna and Leshaniqua, 16th place! Dakota and Phillipp, 17th!

The penalty timer rings, announcing that their penalty is over.

DON  
And Duncan/Chase, your penalty is up, you're in 18th.

CHASE *Half-heartedly cheers*  
...woo-hoo.

More teams continue to arrive on the carpet of completion.

DON  
And also safe are…

Anne Maria and Jason, in 19th!

ANNE MARIA  
Alright, got out from that rut!

DON  
Thomas and Gwen, 20th! Sugar and Sparkle, 21st! Mike and Vinnie, 22nd! Scott and Albertha, 23rd!

Albertha is completely wrecked by the sharks as she falls onto the chillzone.

DON  
Only four teams left! Who will be going home?

At the beach, Jasmine is still fighting with the sharks. Lindsay and Paula ask for the kid to check their sandcastle, and he approves. They squee, hug, and head for the boats.

JOSH (Conf)  
I didn't want it to come down to this.

TOPHER (Conf)  
So sad.

JOSH (Conf)  
But if it's between us and our alliance, we'll definitely be the ones staying.

TOPHER (Conf)  
Yeah-heh, we're taking down Chris, man!

Chris/Blaineley and Josh/Topher, unaware that Shawn/Jasmine are behind them, furiously work on their castles. Jasmine finally hits the shore.

SHAWN  
Oh, god, Jasmine, are you okay?

JASMINE  
Y-yes, I managed to avoid going into the deep dark shark.

SHAWN  
We really need to psych ourselves up, fear is consuming us!

JASMINE

...yeah… let's go, sandcastle.

Cut to Iceland. Don looks at his watch as Lindsay and Paula cross the chillzone.

DON  
Lindsay and Paula, 24th place!

They jump in the air, cheering.

DON

Why is that reason to celebrate?

PAULA (Conf)  
BOTTOM 4, ALRIGHT!

LINDSAY (Conf)  
Yesssss!

They throw confetti around.

Big cut. The three last teams all get their sandcastles approved and hop into the boats to go. Shawn and Jasmine are behind the other two as the dock of Iceland approaches.

SHAWN  
Can… can we even catch up?

JASMINE  
...we can.

Jasmine points to the last 'speed level' of the boat, which literally reads as "burning engine"

SHAWN  
It's do or die.

JASMINE  
Let's keep bein' alive, mate.

They push the motor to the last stage. They get ahead of the other two teams and cheer, but the motor starts dying and they are behind the other teams as fast as they got in front.

JASMINE  
Guess we're dying.

The motor (true to the name) explodes, throwing Shawn and Jasmine straight into the chillzone.

DON  
Nice entrance! Shawn and Jasmine, 25th place, you're still in the race!

They get up and hug each other.

SHAWN (Conf)  
That's it, we're done letting our fears win.

JASMINE (Conf)  
That's right. We have to put that behind us and keep movin' forward.

SHAWN (Conf)

I mean, I need to come to terms already, how likely is a zombie outbreak to happen in ICELAND of all places?

The last two boats fight to arrive. Blaineley's a hundred percent concentrated on driving the boat, and so is Josh.

CHRIS (Conf)  
I'm glad it came down to this. 23 legs of dealing with them? No thank you, that's worse than being fired from Total Drama. Alright, almost worse.

On the boats, as the docks comes closer and closer, Topher and Chris throw insults at each other.

CHRIS  
Yeah, you're so smart you never noticed we were just pampering you so you would accept to this idiotic alliance where we would beat your dumb asses in the end?

TOPHER  
Look who's talking, guy who didn't even notice I was taking over the show.

CHRIS  
Oh, but I did notice! Remember how you got eliminated, you little brat?

TOPHER  
Don't call the Topher a brat, washed-up host!

They approach the shore faster and faster. Their boats pull up at on the Icelandic Dock at the same time. It's a footrace to the carpet and whoever lost would be eliminated.

…

…

…

DON  
Chris and Blaineley, 26th place! Josh and Topher, 27th place, you're last. And I'm glad, because before you tried anything funny like attempting to take over this show, you're out! Eliminated! Cut from the race! Buh-bye!

CHRIS  
Haha, see that? Hosts stick together! You're done Topher, done!

DON  
Uh.. Chris, please don't associate like that with me.

Blaineley laughs a bit, Josh just shrugs, accepting defeat.

JOSH  
Hey, Blaineley, why don't you go and win this?

BLAINELEY  
That's the plan.

Topher, on the other hand, is not taking defeat so lightly.

TOPHER  
You can't do that, you second-grade host! Oh, goddammit, I didn't even get any sick scoops!

DON  
Here's one scoop for you then. *He gets close to whisper* You're out.

* * *

We get a montage of their best moments in the game. You know the drill.

 **JOSH**  
 **No scoops, no million dollars...**

 **TOPHER**  
 **And no giving Chris payback for all the bad stuff he did.**

 **JOSH**  
 **Don't worry, they won't win. But we definitely got in over our heads. We should have realized someone like Blaineley wouldn't be against manipulating.**

 **TOPHER**  
 **In a way, I guess I did become like Chris. Egotistical, naive, humilliating others and mistakenly thinking everyone loves me.**

 **JOSH**  
 **Hey, those are the first steps to becoming a pro paparazzi! You're gonna do great, kid!**

 ***END***

* * *

 **PLACEMENTS**  
 **1st - Zoey and Vivi**

 **2nd - Izzy and Mavis**

 **3rd - Darnell and Lightning**

 **4th - Sky and Cloud**

 **5th - Bridgette and Courtney**

 **6th - Jose and Damien**

 **7th - Heather and Alejandro**

 **8th - Jo and Cameron**

 **9th - Eva and Tyler**

 **10th - DJ and Momma**

 **11th - Brick and Chef**

 **12th - Max and Scarlett**

 **13th - Trent and Justin**

 **14th - Ella and Dawn**

 **15th - Katie and Sadie**

 **16th - Leshawna and Leshaniqua**

 **17th - Dakota and Phillip**

 **18th - Duncan and Chase (Originally 5th)**

 **19th - Anne Maria and Jason**

 **20th - Thomas and Gwen**

 **21th - Sugar and Sparkle**

 **22th - Mike and Vinnie**

 **23nd - Scott and Albertha**

 **24rd - Lindsay and Paula**

 **25th - Shawn and Jasmine**

 **26th - Chris and Blaineley**

 **27th - Josh and Topher (ELIMINATED)**

* * *

 **Alliances (Or just people working together)**

Eva/Tyler & Jo/Cameron

Scott/Albertha & Sugar/Sparkle

Zoey/Vivi & Gwen/Thomas & Jose/Damien

Trent/Justin & Ella/Dawn


	5. All Bjork and no Bite

**Timeline:** This replaces RR. Same route, same challenges, different teams.

 **Canon:** In this Canon, Owen/Beth/Heather/Cameron/Zoey/Shawn are the official winners.

* * *

 **RIDONCULOUS RACE**

 **Episode 5 - All Bjork and No Bite**

* * *

DON  
Last time, on the Ridonculous Race. Teams took the train to the South of France where they had a blast at the beach, riding boats, building sandcastles, and of course, getting chummy with sharks.

DON  
The Indie Chicks came in first, and Heather and Alejandro's mindgames almost made Shawn and Jasmine be eliminated. BUT - in the end, Josh and Topher became just like the celebrity they stalked, thinking they were too important only to be cut from TV and never to be seen again.

DON  
26 remain. Who's going to get iced in Iceland? Find out in The Ridonculous Race!

 ***THEME SONG***

DON  
Welcome to Iceland, where yesterday's Chillzone is today's starting line. And talk about chill, my nuts are frozen! Yesterday winners, Zoey and Vivi, the indie chicks, will be the first to depart.

They hit the DonBox and get their clue

ZOEY  
Take a bus to the Geyser Field of Geisisguil and locate the Don Box! Geisisguil? Am I saying that right?

VIVI  
Is it Geyser Field of Geyser Field? Geez… how creative.

ZOEY (Conf)  
We made a deal with Gwen and Thomas and Jose and Damien that, whenever we're together, we're going to help each other.

VIVI (Conf)  
But hellooo? We're not falling back! Iceland is MY jam! 2 of my top 10 bands are Icelandic, and 2 others are from Denmark which, really, it's all the same stuff.

They reach the bus stop, but the bus is nowhere in sight.

VIVI  
Oh, come on? This bites. We'll definitely lose our lead now!

They look behind them and Izzy/Mavis are right behind them.

MAVIS  
Hello missies, how are you in this fine old day?

Izzy gets up in Zoey's and Vivi's faces.

IZZY *A garbled mix of English, Irish, and nonsense*

Yes, wee young lads! It's a jolly good 'ol time for some racing! I'd prefer if you'd stay out of our way if you don't want to partake in the fisticuffs, eh wot!

VIVI

...what accent are you even trying to do?

IZZY *Now australian, but turns canadian somewhere in the middle*  
I don't know, mate! Just tryin' to get more in touch with me ol' grand-grand-moms, you kno'?

ZOEY  
And you're doing that by faking random accents. I'm not sure how that works. Are you even sure you know where Mavis is from?

IZZY *Back normal*  
Oh, that's easy, she's definitely Scottish.

ZOEY  
And that was probably the only accent you didn't do.

Vivi giggles as well. Izzy just stares at them.

IZZY *Cracking up*  
Who said I was trying to immitate her accent?!

Zoey and Vivi raise an eyebrow. Their bus arrives but Darnell and Lightning, just catching up, are the firsts in.

LIGHTNING  
Oh yeah, we're in sha-first, taking the gold!

Zoey/Vivi, Izzy/Mavis enter the bus.

LIGHTNING  
Uh… three-way tie for gold?

Sky/Cloud and Bridgette/Courtney enter it as well.

LIGHTNING  
...Top Five, aw... yeaahhh….?

DARNELL  
Just. Stop talking.

DARNELL (Conf)  
You want to prove yourself? Then let's get first place for once.

LIGHTNING (Conf)  
Sha-bsolutely! It's THE Lightning and THE Pops back in the game!

Jose/Damien and Alejandro/Heather hurry to catch the bus, that's getting ready to depart. Jose/Damien manage to catch it before it leaves, but Alejandro and Heather barely miss it. Damien sticks his tongue out to them.

ALEJANDRO *speaking spanish*  
Por el amor de dios, maldita sea!

HEATHER  
Great, just what we needed, Jose and Damien rubbing on our faces that 'they made the first bus'. Really going to take some nerve dealing with their immaturity.

JOSE (Conf) *Singing in a mocking tune*  
They didn't take the first bus, na-na-na-na-na-na-na

DAMIEN (Conf) *Singing as well*  
They aren't ahead of us, na-na-na-na-na-na-na

Cut to inside the bus. Sky and Cloud are actually sitting on opposite sides of the bus.

SKY  
When we get out, I'll go left and you go right so we can find the Don Box faster.

CLOUD  
No way, I go right and you go left!

SKY  
...Why does it matter? You think I know where the Don Box is ahead of time and am sabotaging you to make you look bad?

SKY (Conf, Alone)  
If I KNEW where it was, I'd definitely do it though.

We pan to Bridgette and Courtney, who are sitting together on the bus.

BRIDGETTE  
Top Five, we're finally in the lead!

COURTNEY  
Yeah, heh, might as well have something good come out of this competition.

BRIDGETTE  
…*pause*...Still upset that Gwen didn't forgive you?

COURTNEY

...How could... I not be? It's hard getting a wake-up call… and I kinda wish I could just go back to sleep.

BRIDGETTE  
Look. Gwen has her problems too. It's not your job to solve them. You did your part, you apologized. And yes, you have to live with the consequences of it, but it wouldn't be life without that.

COURTNEY  
...I know… but it just keeps making me think that I'm not a good person.

BRIDGETTE  
If you feel like that, then, little by little, you have try and change.

BRIDGETTE (Conf, Alone)  
I came to this competition to bond with Courtney again, but I feel like I'm getting something more than that. Looking from the outside it seems I'm the one helping Courtney but… this whole thing… it gives you another perspective on things.

DON (Voice-over)  
As the first bus is well on its way to the Geyser Field, more teams depart from the chillzone, and some don't miss the chance to stir up some conflict. Just the way I like it.

Jo/Cameron and Eva/Tyler arrive at the bus stop, where Heather/Alejandro wait for Bus Number 2.

JO  
Hah, look, the prom queens missed the first bus. Must suck to be you right now.

HEATHER  
Yeah, of cooourse. Really sucks that we're not on the lead pack for once. It's horrible to fall behind, but then again, you two probably know, what with being on the Bottom 5 in Paris.

EVA  
What?! You want me to punch you, is THAT what you want?

CAMERON  
No, Eva, don't! You don't know if there's some sort of rule regarding hitting other contestants, this isn't Total Drama, there's penalties! You might even be disqualified.

EVA  
Tchkkk. Fine, you're right!

ALEJANDRO  
And Cameron, I must say I'm impressed! I'd never expect someone like you to be tagging along three sport enthusiasts! Good on you for branching your interests, and good on your for managing to keep up with them so far.

TYLER  
Darn right, noodle arms is the man! *He tries to high-five Cameron but knocks him down and they both fall*

CAMERON *From the ground, rubbing his head*

..ow… but, Alejandro,.what are you talking about? Are you saying I'm dragging the team down? Don't try to trick me, I know what you're usually up to!

ALEJANDRO  
Oh no, far from it, your brains are definitely an asset for your team. You'd definitely be able to catch onto me if I was tricking you, after all. But still, it IS a race, and the team that arrives last loses. And a team is only as fast as their lowest player, after all. But well, good luck to you!

JO  
Oh, no, you don't try to play mind games with us you mind… mind gaming… UGH nevermind, you Ale-jerk! If Cameron begins to slow me down I can just carry him!

ALEJANDRO  
I'm sure you can, provided you don't get unlucky when it comes to the botch-or-watches. Now, I'd say good luck, but I don't really care how you do, so please, feel free to lose.

Cameron just stands there, looking thoughtful.

ALEJANDRO (Conf)  
Yes, we have to twist our game a little bit, but still, the foundation of manipulating is raising their spirits...

HEATHER (Conf)  
Only so they have an even bigger fall.

/

JO (Conf)  
Look, string bean. They're trying to play us! You're the brains, you should realize that!

CAMERON (Conf)  
Yes, I know! *thoughtful again* I… I know...

The bus arrives and the three teams get into it, followed by DJ/Momma, Brick/Chef, Max/Scarlett, Trent/Justin and Ella/Dawn. It departs as fast as it arrived.

MAX  
Yes! We have managed to catch the second bus! VICTORY IS CLOSER THAN EVER!

SCARLETT  
Look… Max… can you STOP for one second?

MAX  
Stop?! Evil DOESN'T STOP for anything! Evil is always at work in brewing EVIL plans. I'm as EVIL as KNIEVEL, Mwahahaha!

SCARLETT

...ugh, how do I deal with you. Didn't you learn anything? You're not FIT for evil, Max. You're… you're just not. Plus, you've saw what happened with me in Pahkitew. Evil doesn't pay off even if you're good at it.

MAX  
But… but evil feels SO good.

HEATHER *From the back of the bus*  
I can attest to that!

SCARLETT  
Ugh, that's something I can't deny. But… is there ANY reason you even WANT to be evil in the first place?

MAX  
…that is my secret backstory! I shall ONLY reveal it when telling my arch-nemesis about my BIGGEST EVIL PLAN.

SCARLETT

...so, is there no reason? Also, nemesis or arch-enemy, pick one.

MAX *pouting*  
There is a reason! It's just a secret one. Hunf. To think you'd doubt me. Why did YOU become evil in the first place, then?

SCARLETT  
Lack of recognition, disfunctional family, annoying brothers, getting back on school bullies. And then when you get a taste of it and your adrenaline glands start working full-time you just don't want to stop.

MAX

You're doing a TERRIBLE job of convincing me to try and not be evil.

SCARLETT (Conf)  
Look, you want to be evil, you can be evil, you just have to stop being obnoxious.

MAX (Conf)  
There's a DIFFERENCE?

Everybody on the bus overheard their conversation. DJ is fidgeting on his seat.

MOMMA  
Now you don't listen to them. You know what I say about being evil.

DJ  
Yes, momma! If you are evil you get grounded, and I don't want to get grounded! ...Again!

MOMMA  
Very good. Now let's see how we can sabotage these other teams.

DJ  
But Mom, didn't you just say-

MOMMA  
Didn't you hear their conversation? They are the evil ones! We must strike them down before they strike us!

MOMMA (Conf, Alone)  
Yeah, I want Devon to be a good person in life. That's what all Mommas alike strive for. But I also want to win so cut me some slack.

Dawn is shaking on her seat. Ella looks at her.

ELLA  
What's… what's wrong Dawn? You seem as worried as a bird who fell from the nest!

DAWN  
...it's… it's Max and Scarlett… I mean, I've seen Scarlett in Pahkitew so it shouldn't be a surprise… but why do their auras… frighten me so?

ELLA  
...you should relax a little bit. Though it's great to help, the burden of others is not for you to carry.

DAWN  
I… I know… you're right… I should focus on better things…

ELLA  
...now I've been looking for my prince charming in Trent. Why don't you go ahead and try to find a prince of your own?

Dawn blushes, and it shows on her delicate pale skin.

ELLA  
Oh, lalalala *Begins humming* I don't need to read auras to know that yours is flushing bright pink right now… don't tell me you already have found your fated one?

DAWN *Twiddles her fingers*  
I… I might have… *Ella gets up in her face, eyes sparkling* I said might!

We pan to Justin and Trent. Justin nudges Trent in the shoulder.

JUSTIN  
So… when are you two going to start going out?

TRENT *Pretends he doesn't know what he's talking about*  
Uh… whhaaat? What are you talking about! I don't know what you're talking about! I don't know who you're talking about! Who is Ella anyway?

JUSTIN  
I never mentioned her name, stud, chill for a minute. You know that getting paranoid causes wrinkles and that's not good for your image.

TRENT  
Oh, okay, I know, alright? But it's different. you know. I don't think of myself as a super forward person, but… having Ella be that aggressive feels… odd.

JUSTIN

Hey, each girl is different. It's good for a change. Gwen was closed in her shell, you had to break into it. Ella is more outgoing and more romantic. You just have to adapt. *He looks at a mirror* Oh, look at me talking as if I'm some sort of master in relationships. I have both the brains and the beauty. And the booty.

TRENT  
Hey… did you just said beauty twice?

JUSTIN  
Oh, the second one is spelled differently.

Trent realizes what's going on and laughs. Ella looks at him from the distance. He notices and, a bit sheepishly, but smirking, waves to her. Ella blushes and Justin nods approvingly.

The bus suddenly gets stuck when a Geyser pops up on the middle of the road. The driver begins to slowly back off, trying to maneuver on the narrow road to turn around and take a different route. We cut to an overhead shot where the bus goes back a little bit, then goes forward a little bit, turning just a tad. This goes on for a while.

CHEF  
Oh, would you GIVE ME A BREAK.

Chef goes to the front and throws the bus driver back into the seat with Brick. He takes the wheel and drives over a fence, into a dirt road and avoiding the geyser. He's looking fiercely at the road.

CHEF  
THIS IS HOW YOU DRIVE, MAGGOT!

While most of the contestants are scared, Eva and Jo are pumping up their firsts in the back.

EVA

Road Rage! I LIKE IT!

BRICK (Conf, Alone)

Chef is a great superior and his training is excellent. But he does go off the handle sometimes. When things don't go his way. Most of the time…. *pause* Okay, he does calm down when it's time for tea! Unless it's Earl Grey. *He continues going back and forth*

/

JO (Conf)  
Cadet Wetpants is in a team with Chef? I'm surprised he can even keep up! Chef is a machine compared to dead weight Brickhead.

CAMERON (Conf)

Yes… *he fixes his collar, gulping* Chef's really carrying the team, huh.

DON (Voice-Over)

The third bus arrives, and though some teams are psyched about it, *Pans to Duncan and Chase looking bored* other teams are visibly shaken and terrified of what's to come. *Pans to Leshawna and Leshaniqua looking bored too*

LESHAWNA  
Now would you get that camera out of my face?

DAKOTA *She pulls the camera towards her*  
Yes, please, focus on me!

PHILLIP

...not to interrupt your photo shoot, but we have to get going.

DAKOTA  
Not to interrupt, but already interrupting... but it's okaay...

Katie&Sadie, Leshawna&Leshaniqua, Dakota&Phillip, Duncan&Chase and Anne Maria&Jason board the bus. It begins beeping, signaling that it will depart.

THOMAS  
The bus is going to leave, we need to hurry!

GWEN  
I'm on it!

Sugar knocks her down into the docks. Gwen just winces in pain.

SUGAR  
Sorry, I didn't see you thar', with all that make-up you're lookin' like a ghost!

SPARKLE  
Yeah, you should ask Sugar for some tips in make-up later! I'm sure it would fix your horrible face a little bit.

SUGAR  
Don't get 'er hopes up, ma', she'll never look as pretty as me!

THOMAS  
...yes…

GWEN (Conf)  
Iceland. What should be a wonderful leg is already starting out bad. Great.

THOMAS (Conf)  
Why should it be a wonderful leg anyway?

GWEN (Conf)  
Some of my favourite bands are from here. Perks of being a goth, I guess.

THOMAS (Conf) *Pouting*  
Sometimes I doubt you are even one.

Gwen just looks at him perplexed.

Sugar and Sparkle enter Bus Three. Thomas helps Gwen up but while he's pulling her up, Mike/Vinnie and Scott/Albertha both pass them. We pan to them.

SCOTT  
Oh, Miiiike! I think I heard Zoey calling back there!

MIKE  
Dude, Scott, Zoey is WAY ahead of us. You really think I'm going to fall for that?

VINNIE  
Heh, you have to do better than that!

SCOTT  
Eh, whatever, worth a try.

ALBERTHA  
Surprised it didn't work considering you have so little control over your brain you let someone else take control of it.

Mike raises an eyebrow and, not looking forward, hits face-first into a pole. Scott and Albertha laugh as they are the last ones to enter the bus before it departs. Scott high-fives Sugar inside.

VINNIE  
Welp, that's playing dirty. Guess we're stuck in Bus Four, huh? We need to pick up the pace!

MIKE *Thoughtful*  
...yeah, we do.

Gwen and Thomas approach them, Gwen rubbing her back, still sore.

GWEN  
Hey, Mike... is there a problem?

MIKE  
Oh, no, I'm fine, yeah! Totally!

MIKE (Conf, Alone)  
*Deep, long sigh* I try to get into my head that everyone's a part of me and that's the way things should go. But I don't feel like I'm Chester. I don't feel like I'm Vito…. I…. I don't know who I feel like… I know 'Mike' is the main personality, but… WHO is Mike?

Thomas/Gwen, Mike/Vinnie, Lindsay/Paula, Shawn/Jasmine and Chris/Blaineley take Bus Four.

DON (Voice-Over)  
As the last teams leave the Icelandic Coast, bus number one arrives at the Geyser Field of Geisisfield. Okay, I REALLY don't know how to pronounce that.

Izzy and Mavis are the first to leave the bus and his the Don Box.

MAVIS

Icelandic Broken Telephone. Oh, do we need to break telephones? That's one of my favourite hobbies!

IZZY  
I thought sewing was your favourite hobby!

MAVIS  
Yes, sewing telephones so I can break them! *The two cackle. Bridgette just stares at them a bit perplexed*

We cut to Don next to the speaker box.

DON  
In this All-In, teams must hit this box and hear me saying, in an absolute perfect accent "Please give me my next travel tip".

He pushes the button.

RECORDED MESSAGE  
Vinsamlegast Gefa Mer Mina Travel Abending!

DON  
When they think they have the message right, teams must then cross the active geiser field over to this local *shows Bjork wearing a swan dress* If they have the sentence right, they'll get their next tip. If they don't, it's all the way back across the Geyser Field. *The swan tries to bite Don, and he freaks out a little*

Cut back to Izzy and Mavis. They push the Speaker Box button.

BOX  
Vinsamlegast Gefa Mer Mina Travel Abending!

MAVIS  
Oh yes, I'd like a triple burger with extra fries please - nah, just kidding, did you catch that?

IZZY  
Maybe? I don't know, let's just go swim in the geysers for now!

They begin cackling again and running through the field. Sky and Cloud are right behind them. Sky tries to warn the two about an upcoming geyser.

SKY  
Hey, Izzy, Mavis, watch out!

IZZY  
Watch out for what?

The nutjobs jump over a geyser right as it becomes active, and they're thrown upwards, cheering.

SKY  
...for that.

The geyser stops shooting and Sky jumps through it. Cloud follows but Izzy and Mavis land on top of her. Izzy claps.

IZZY  
Do it again, do it again!

Camera cuts to Jose and Damien getting their tip.

JOSE (Conf)  
Lead of the pack for the first time and it feels so good.

DAMIEN (Conf)

Finally we're in front of poo-poo heads Heathen and Al-paca.

JOSE (Conf)  
Oh, those are some GOOD insult puns! You have to teach me later.

DAMIEN (Conf)  
Yeah, I rather not.

Jose approaches Zoey.

JOSE  
...this seems like this will be a tough challenge. Mind working together?

ZOEY *Pauses, but then smiles*  
Uh… sure!

VIVI (Conf)  
You're just too trusting, girl.

ZOEY (Conf)  
Well, even if he IS a villain, I'm sure we can take him if he tries to backstab us!

VIVI (Conf)  
...you know backstabbing is NOT something we can tackle head on? *Enunciates really slowly* Back. Stab. It's on the back. When you're not seeing. On the back. Cracking your spine wide open.

ZOEY (Conf)  
Okay, I get the message, but I think you're being too worried too!

VIVI (Conf)  
We'll see...

Lightning and Darnell are running through the Geyser Field. Darnell runs along the bottom but Lightning is skillfully jumping from geyser to geyser.

LIGHTNING  
Look, pops, I can fly!

DARNELL  
Stop messing around and let's WIN for once.

LIGHTNING  
I ain't messing around, I'm taking a shortcut!

He jumps to another geyser but it vanishes as he's landing, and he falls straight into the geyser hole. Darnell just stops and looks at him, angry.

LIGHTNING  
...eh, this is a SECOND sha-rtcut, I swear!

DARNELL  
Just get out of there quickly and stop with the shatch-phrases!

Lightning looks downcast. Then the ground begins rumbling and he looks down, worried. The geyser shoots him up and he lands right near Bjork.

DARNELL  
So it really was a shortcut? Oh, nice job!

Darnell jumps into the hole as the Geyser dies down again.

LIGHTNING (Conf, Alone)  
Hey, I'll take it! I wanna impress pops but his standards are… are too high. I really wanna win this whole thing to redeem myself on his eyes!

Darnell lands next to Lightning, a bit hurt. Bjork is waiting for the sentence.

DARNELL

Ugh… Vinsamlegast Gefa Mer-

LIGHTNING *Interrupts*  
-Mina Traveloni Abudabi!

Bjork just shakes her head disapprovingly. Darnell just facepalms.

LIGHTNING (Conf, Alone)  
Really need to redeem myself. Damn.

We pan across the teams. Lightning/Darnell are running back, Zoey/Vivi, Jose/Damien, Bridgette/Courtney and Sky/Cloud are running towards Bjork and Izzy/Mavis are just playing on the geysers. The second bus arrives and Chef smashes the door open. Brick and Chef get their clue.

CHEF  
Oh, great, a reading task. That's why I signed up for a race, of course. You got good memory, maggot?

BRICK

Sir, I try, sir!

CHEF  
Then let's get this ball rolling.

Alejandro and Heather are shown hearing the tip while Alejandro grins. Cameron memorizes the hint while Jo, Eva and Tyler wait for him. DJ and Momma also begin running.

SCARLETT  
Great, we're falling behind. Again. At least this challenge seems to be of the variety that's benefitial to us.

MAX  
Yes, it's a perfect challenge for EVIL. SABOTAGE. DESTRUCTION!

SCARLETT  
Now if you'd listen to me for a while you'd know that I'm talking about memorization, angles and hydrodynamics.

MAX  
...whatchu talking about? Scarlett, did you eat something bad this morning and are speaking in tongues now?

SCARLETT  
Wait, you don't know about that stuff? You know you need to be actually super smart to be an evil genius, right? Didn't you manage to make that pig conversion or something?

SCARLETT (Conf, Alone)  
Yes, I know I fixed it, but the basis was there.

MAX  
Oh, I'm fond of tinkering with gadgets, yes.

SCARLETT  
But you don't know what's hydrodynamics? The study of the dynamics of water?

MAX  
Oh… of.. *gloating* I knew all along! I just don't call it by its lesser and truth to be told a bit gross sounding hydrodynamics name. I call it the 'Currents of Evil', mwahahaha. See, that's much better sounding.

SCARLETT  
While I'll give you that hydro isn't the best sounding wor- Ugh, WHY am I indulging in this idiocy? Max, listen to me, you want to be a villain, ALRIGHT. But you're going to be a good one and I'm NOT gonna take any nonsense.

MAX *A bit scared*

...o...okay!

SCARLETT *Holds him by his shoulder*

Your teachings begin now.

Dawn raises an eyebrow as she's looking in their direction.

ELLA  
Is there a problem? You're not overworrying about others' problems again, are you? It's stellar that you care, but it's too much burden for a single person.

DAWN  
I… I know.. Let's move, yeah.

ELLA  
Alright! *Calls out to Trent and Justin* Trent, want to work together?

TRENT  
Uh, sure! Yeah, we're going!

Trent begins running towards her, but Justin doesn't follow.

TRENT

...Justin, are you coming?

JUSTIN *Waiting right besides a Geyser*  
...be right there!

He takes off his shirt just as the geyser shoots upwards, drenching him in warm water. He breathes a sigh of wonder.

JUSTIN *Almost moaning*  
Oooh man, this is the life. *Looks at the camera* That was a bit of fanservice for all my fans behind the screen. Geyser water is just INCREDIBLE for your pores.

Everyone stops and begins looking at Justin, drooling a little. Eva and Jo both flutter a bit on the spot. Momma wipes her forehead in sweat.

MOMMA (Conf, Alone)  
He's legal, but way too young! Let's get that out of my head right now. But man, he's hot.

/

CHEF (Conf, Alone  
Damn, that kid is good.

/

Alejandro just looks at the screen, a bit mad.

HEATHER  
Oh, don't tell me you're jealous of the attention he's getting.

ALEJANDRO  
Don't play dumb, I saw you staring.

HEATHER  
...and you were staring too.

ALEJANDRO  
Touche.

Justin flips his hair and runs towards Trent, shirt still off.

TRENT  
Dude… uh… glad to have you in the band.

JUSTIN

What can I say, I still got it.

TRENT  
...but aren't you cold with your shirt off? I mean not that I'm complaining but-

JUSTIN  
It's cool. I'm okay.

JUSTIN (Conf, alone)  
I'm just so HOT it offsets it.

He looks at the screen serious for a while then cracks up laughing.

JUSTIN (Conf, alone)  
Sorry, I couldn't, hah, miss that opportunity. Nah, my chest was almost freezing off but hey, beauty comes at a price.

Justin and Trent pass below a set of geyser that was constantly shooting. The geysers stop and Izzy and Mavis fall right by them. They look at Justin.

MAVIS  
...so this is the guy everyone was fawning about?

IZZY  
…I dated him before, actually. He's not all that, really.

MAVIS

...yeah, I don't see it.

Justin furrows his eyebrows and grits his teeth.

JUSTIN (Conf)  
...another one of the Izzy family to add to my 'list of people not worth even thinking about'.

TRENT (Conf)

...tough break-up, huh?

JUSTIN (Conf) *Flailing his arms*  
WE NEVER DATED WHY DOES EVERYBODY THINK WE DATED.

We pan by the first two teams. Sky has gotten her foot stuck in a geyser and clogged it, so it's refusing to shoot her up. Cloud is angry and complaining. Ella and Dawn are running, Dawn basically telling which Geysers will shoot up at each time. DJ is running, cowering from all the shooting geysers.

Eva/Tyler and Jo/Cameron (Jo carrying Cameron) are pummeling through everyone, directly running through active geysers without even flinching.

TYLER  
Woo-hoo, we're DOING this!

He trips and begins rolling forward, but still just as effective as Eva and Jo are.

JO  
Guh, what a goddamn klutz.

EVA  
...Hey, not the method I'd choose, but he's keeping up. And on his own, unlike flaky over there.

CAMERON (being carried)

...Aw, she's the brawn, I'm the brain! That's the gimmick of our team, so I won't take that as an insult.

Eva rolls her eyes. The camera pans super fast to Bjork, where Bridgette and Courtney arrive.

COURTNEY  
Vinsamlegast Gefa Mer Mina Travel Abending. Is that right? Please be right!

Bjork gives them tip. Bridgette squeals and Courtney pumps her fists.

COURTNEY  
First place? Nice! Let's roll!

DON (Voice-over)  
First place, but not for long, as teams must now take a helicopter to Skaftafell National Park - and the helicopter will only depart with 6 teams on it. Well, except for the last one. That will depart with 8. I mean, 26 isn't divisible by 6. It's not my fault, that's math's fault.

Bridgette and Courtney begin waiting on the helicopter. Slightly annoyed. Back at Bjork, both Zoey/Vivi and Jose/Damien get their sentences approved.

VIVI

You know what we should make? We should make a faux-icelandic band and have our first song be called 'Vinsamlegast Gefa Mer Mina Travel Abending', and be about our time on the show.

ZOEY  
Wait, but we're not Icelandic…

VIVI  
So? We can wear some really cool coats and be just like Lana Runars, gosh she's so cute. We're doing this Zoey, I won't take no for an answer.

The two teams enter the helicopter but now Zoey and Vivi are wearing checkered scarves and sunglasses. Bridgette raises an eyebrow.

CAMERON (still being carried, with perfect pronunciation)  
Vinsamlegast Gefa Mer Mina Travel Abending.

Icelandic music begins to play while Bjork approves Jo/Cameron. Jo pets Cameron in the head, approvingly. Tyler repeats what Cameron said and they are approved as well. They high-five.

Scarlett, after calculating a trajectory on the dirt, grabs Max and they use a geyser to be shot straight to Bjork. With perfect pronunciation, Scarlett and Max sneak their way into helicopter one, which departs just as bus three is arriving at the Geiser Field.

 **HELICOPTER 1** \- Bridgette/Courtney, Jose/Damien, Zoey/Vivi, Jo/Cameron, Eva/Tyler, Max/Scarlett

SCARLETT  
Alright, your 'existence' as a villain is already solidified. Since you don't need to hide like I did in Pahkitew, if you want to be a true villain you need a proper enemy so you can keep one-upping each other.

MAX  
But… you didn't have one.

SCARLETT *Cringes*  
Like I said, it's because I had to stay hidden. You don't have that luxury, and you don't want it either way.

SCARLETT (Conf, Alone)  
No way I'm telling Max HE was my foil. I'm still embarassed about that.

On the Geiser Field, the teams from the third team are getting their All-in Tips.

DUNCAN  
Oh, goody. We need to memorize stuff. That's what I like to do.

CHASE  
Stop complaining, we need to get out of the back.

DUNCAN  
You're telling me?

SCOTT  
...okay, Vinsamlewhatever Travel Banana. Goddamn, I'm not made for this. Can you memorize it?

ALBERTHA  
…Vincent Gueisha Morphine?... Nope, nah cant do. Remembering the time when we went grocery shopping and we bought literally everything wrong.

SCOTT  
Don't know how we mistook eggs for leggings. Or what leggings were doing in a grocery store in the first place.

SUGAR  
Oh, oh! You just gatta tag along with us! I'm grayt at memahrizin worthless crahp! I need to maymohrize my winning speeches after all.

SPARKLE

And those are GREAT speeches that you make, honey boo.

SCOTT  
Have you ever needed to USE the speeches?

SPARKLE  
That's a different story…

ALBERTHA  
...gotcha. Anyway, let's move.

SCOTT  
Yeah, you memorize, we punch geysers or something, I don't know.

SUGAR  
You can count on me! *In terrible pronunciation* Vinsamlegast Gufa Mer Mina Travel Abendehn.

Scott and Albertha look at her weirded out, but Scott shrugs.

SCOTT  
Meh… good enough.

SUGAR (Conf)

I've always been grayt at remembering things! Speeches, Songs, Faces of the enemees I wanna crush. I'm still comin' for you Ella.

SPARKLE (Conf)  
And when she comes, you're going down!

They laugh on the confessional.

We pan to Dakota and Phillip. Phillip gets out of the phone.

DAKOTA  
Did you do it, Daddy?

PHILLIP  
You think I wouldn't be able? Your favourite band, The Antarctic Monkees, is ready to do a photoshoot with you on the other side of this geyser field.

DAKOTA  
Then what are you waiting for, let's hurry!

She grabs his hand and begins running REALLY fast.

DAKOTA (Conf)  
Fame is one incredible motivator.

PHILLIP (Conf)  
Some could ask "are you not ashamed to be basically blackmailing your daughter so she goes faster in the race?". And to that I say, "meh."

DAKOTA (Conf)

I mean, if being used is like this I don't mind it AT all.

Katie and Sadie are running, trying to avoid the geisers.

KATIE  
I don't wanna die, Sadie!

SADIE  
Oh, Katie, I don't wanna die either!

KATIE  
But if I die, I hope we die together so we're together on the afterlife too! And if you die, I want to die too because the pain would be too much!

SADIE  
That's SO sweet but if you die I want to stay alive! Please don't kill me without my permission!

Katie furrows her brow, Sadie looks a bit weirded out. We cut to Anne Maria and Jason, running.

ANNE MARIA  
No! Not the hair!

JASON  
Ugh, like, totally! That hot Geyser water is DEFINITELY bad news.

LESHAWNA  
For the love of all that's holy, would you SHUT your yapping about your hair?

Leshawna's hair is puffy because of the geyser humidity.

LESHANIQUA

She's not in a really good hair mood right now.

Anne Maria and Jason crack up laughing.

ANNE MARIA *Cracking up*  
Yeh, I can see why! Girl, you really gots to work on that.

JASON *Cracking up as well*

Like, for sure! This ain't a Disco for you to be rocking that Afro, girl!

LESHAWNA *She rolls up her sleeves and begins running after them*  
I've been itching to punch your face and mess your hair ever since I saw you, Jersey Bores, but now you've finally given me an excuse.

LESHANIQUA  
Girl, you shouldn't have done that. You poked the tigress and now the tigress is gonna poke your eyes out.

ANNE MARIA  
Oh, uh, who cares about the eyes, I care about my hair!

Leshawna approaches Anne Maria slowly, fury in her eyes. Anne Maria is cautiously walking backwards, and Jason's no longer anywhere to be seen.

JASON *Already running away having noticed the danger*

Anne, diva, you and your booty need to get out of there before you and your booty are not in the same body anymore!

ANNE MARIA  
You don't need to say twice! Sorry, sister, but I'm not in the mood to fight if my hair's gonna be in trouble. You gon' throw me in a geyser or something, I don't know, but it's not good news. So I gots to jet. See ya later.

She begins running away REALLY fast as well, disappearing out of sight but not before letting one final jab.

ANNE MARIA *vanishing into the distance*  
But if there's a basketball challenge you're already geared up for it with that hair, gurl!

Leshawna begins fuming even harder. Leshaniqua looks at her, worried.

LESHANIQUA  
Gurl, you okay?

LESHAWNA

...No I'm not okay.

LESHANIQUA  
So is she dead?

LESHAWNA *TIghtens fist*  
You goddamn bet she's dead.

She begins running after Anne Maria, and Leshaniqua follows her, trying to keep her hat in place.

LESHAWNA (Conf)  
I have HAD it with the hair jokes! Seriously! Wasn't it enough for queen has-been Heather to constantly use that as a weapon? I like my weave and nobody messes with my weave!

LESHANIQUA (Conf)  
Seriously, I don't think I ever saw you hate someone this much since Island Heather! That's a lot of hate there, sis.

LESHAWNA (Conf)  
She just gets on my nerves and I AIN'T letting that one go. Anne Maria's going down, you can count on it. Leshawna's in the house and she's ready to roll! Woo!

/

ANNE MARIA (Conf)  
Seriously, what was up with her?

JASON (Conf)  
She was just mad that not everybody can have good hair.

They laugh.

JASON (Conf)  
But let's keep those jabs inside here, please? We don't want to like, ruin our race because of a small fight. We narrowly escaped her, like, by a hair.

ANNE MARIA (Conf) *Using spray*  
If you're asking me to hold back in a hair fight, then no way. Anne Maria don't do that.

We pan across the teams and land on Sky and Cloud, Sky still stuck and Cloud pulling on her.

CLOUD

Great job, Sky, now we missed the first helicopter!

SKY  
You wanna do something before we miss the second one? Stop complaining and act like a teammate for once!

CLOUD  
Can't you see I'm PULLING?

DJ and Momma reach them and stop.

DJ  
Uh, you need help?

CLOUD  
Ah, DJ! Yes, please, please help me pull Sky out of here! She's gotten stuck like the klutz she is and I'm sure someone bulky like you could help us!

Momma narrows her eyes at Cloud.

DJ *Blushing a lil*

Uh, yeah, sure!

CLOUD  
Oh, thank you so much! *She hugs him tightly* I won't forget it.

DJ goes over to Sky and begins pulling her. Cloud lunges her arms around DJ and begins pulling him, but it's more of an excuse to feel his muscles than to actually help. DJ giggles.

DJ *Giggling*  
Hey, be more careful, that tickles!

CLOUD *Grinning*  
Oh… soooorry!

SKY  
Can you two stop flirting and help me out of here?

SKY (Conf)  
Do you like DJ?

CLOUD (Conf) *Twiddle thumbs*  
Uh, if he's willing to help, he's pretty hot, so I wouldn't really mind.

SKY (Conf) *Rolls her eyes*

Got it.

Teams begin to fill up the second helicopter. Brick/Chef, Heather/Alejandro, Darnell/Lightning (on their second go) enter helicopter number two. We cut to Dakota/Phillip, by Bjork.

DAKOTA  
Um… I just want you to know that I LOVE your dress. Where did you buy it? I want one too! Can I get one, Daddy?

PHILLIP  
We'll see, darling.

Bjork just blushes, smiles, and gives them their clue without even asking for the sentence.

DAKOTA  
Aw, thank you! You're lovely!

Dakota/Phillip enter the helicopter just as Scott/Albertha and Sugar/Sparkle arrive near Bjork.

ALBERTHA  
Alright, we're here. Let's hope miss pageant over there memorized it properly.

SPARKLE  
Uh, shame on you for even DOUBTING that my Daughter could do something like this.

Sparkle snaps her fingers and Sugar, once again, enters a state of trance. She perfectly speaks the sentence, down to the pronunciation.

SUGAR  
Vinsamlegast Gefa Mer Mina Travel Abending!

Bjork claps twice and gives her the clue.

SUGAR *Snapping out*  
Why thank you!

Sugar/Sparkle run into the helicopter. Scott and Albertha just stare in shock.

SUGAR  
Also sawrry for being so much more beautifuler than you!

Bjork narrows her eyes.

SCOTT (Conf) *Blank expression of shock*  
What… what the heck was that?

ALBERTHA (Conf)  
I don' think ah even want to know.

 **HELICOPTER 2** \- Darnell/Lightning, Heather/Alejandro, Brick/Chef, Dakota/Phillip, Scott/Albertha, Sugar/Sparkle and the whole band of Antarctic Monkees, that Dakota is currently doing a photoshoot with.

Just as Helicopter 2 departs from the Geyser Field, Helicopter 1 is arriving at Skaftafell National Park and the teams run out, fighting for first.

BRIDGETTE  
Either Or. Feast or Fossil!

Cut to the feast table, where Don is voicing over, explaining the challenge.

DON (Voice-Over)  
In this either-or, teams must choose either Feast, where they have to eat a traditional Icelandic Feast shock-filled with Eyeballs and Sheep's heads, yum.

Cut to the ice caves.

DON (Voice-Over)  
Or Fossil, where teams must mine for a fossil in the ice caves.

DON (Voice-Over)  
Either way, teams are screwed. There's no 'or' regarding that.

BRIDGETTE  
Okay - we're DEFINITELY not doing the feast.

COURTNEY  
But couldn't it be faster if we stomach it?

BRIDGETTE  
Uh, Courtney. This is Iceland. Who knows what kinds of meat are in that feast. You have to fight your fights but I also have to fight mine. No Feast in any way shape or form.

COURTNEY  
Oh, sorry! Fossil it is!

VIVI  
Yeah - we know what some of the people here eat. We're going fossil.

JOSE  
Mind if we join you?

ZOEY  
Oh, feel free!

DAMIEN  
Alright, we won't disappoint!

DAMIEN (Conf)  
Zoey and Vivi are threats, and it's why Jose is trying to charm them and then cut off their necks.

JOSE (Conf)  
You see that, Alejandro? We're gonna one-up you and your little tricks!

DAMIEN (Conf)  
Same to you Heather! We're going to beat you and then take the million dollars!

JOSE (Conf)  
And then we're going to laugh at your faces for the whole eternity!

DAMIEN (Conf)  
I'll probably let go before then, but that's just me.

Eva&Tyler and Jo&Cameron go for the feast and Max&Scarlett head for the fossil.

EVA  
We can stomach it.

TYLER  
What if I can't?

EVA  
Then I'll just shove everything down your throat and hold your mouth shut.

TYLER  
...got it.

Back at the Geyser Field, bus Four finally arrives.

BLAINELEY  
Out of the way, Blainerrific coming to get out of last place!

CHRIS  
...you still with that Blainerrific thing?

BLAINELEY  
Better than never, Chris. You still have much to learn in how you push your image. Otherwise you're just known as a maniac by the viewers.

CHRIS  
Viewers LOVE me. I have no clue what you're talking about.

BLAINELEY

Yeahh, so much the next 'Reality TV Awards' that by the way, *turns to the camera* I'll be hosting, catch it at prime time on this november, *turns to Chris* will have the brand new 'most likely to get arrested again'.

She stops and continues, as if she were reading an award. Chris raises an eyebrow.

BLAINELEY  
The contenders are Duncan, for being a delinquent. Scarlett, for being an evil genius. Izzy, for being a psycho-hose beast! And Chris McLean, for being a maniac host. And as voted by the general audience, the winner is… Chris McLean! Congratulations, you're society's scum!

CHRIS  
Sh-shut up! You're making that stuff up and I know it!

BLAINELEY  
Actually, I'm not. And now that I told you this, I'll probably get in trouble for breach of contract. Sorry for spoiling, but boy, it was worth it.

Chris just stops there, perplexed. Gwen and Thomas get their tip and begin running, and so do Shawn and Jasmine.

JASMINE (Conf)

We need to get out of the back - and nothing's going to stop us! Today we're incredibly pumped up!

SHAWN (Conf)  
Ye-heah! No holding back! We'll blast through those Geysers like they're nothing!

JASMINE (Conf)  
Now let's go kick some arse!

They high-five.

We cut to Lindsay and Paula, desperately running, trying to make up for lost time.

LINDSAY (Conf)  
We are not really making any mistakes or anything, but we're always behind!

PAULA (Conf)  
We did manage to get a bump to Bottom Four instead of the Bottom Three, but since everyone bunched up, we're now in last again!

LINDSAY (Conf)  
And I don't want to be last in a place like Iceland! I mean, leaving Paris and the South of France for this?

PAULA (Conf)  
I, like, totally agree. Heads in the game, we have to step up!

Cut to Lindsay and Paula running as every other team passes them. We pan to Mike and Vinnie.

MIKE

Man, we really need to get back in the game! We're too far behind!

VINNIE  
I know, I know, but I'm no magician. And you, got anything on that bag of tricks of yours?

MIKE  
I could use Svetlana's gymnastic powers if that would help.

VINNIE  
Gah, Mike, you know my stance on that.

MIKE  
But you HAVE to agree that it'd help us get ahead!

VINNIE  
Yeah, it'd help us short term. But would it really help you as a person? Gah, man, this is too complicated - I'm trying to think of a good way to get my point across but… I can't help you if you don't know what you want.

MIKE  
I want us to get ahead and to win, and not lose any more time.

VINNIE  
No, besides that, what do you want for you as a person! Not in this competition, who cares about that, they're just the means to an end!

MIKE  
ugh, fine! I want to know who IS Mike. Who I am after everything has happened!

VINNIE  
That's something only you can decide and while I think that the other personalities are just elements of your personality personified, I don't want you to be using those powers because you already have that mindset that they're not MIke's powers. They're the gymnastic abilities he got from Svetlana.

He pauses and clears his throat before continuing.

VINNIE  
Who you are is something that you won't discover in a single day, but using the powers of 'others' is not something that's going to help.

Mike stares forward, thoughtful. On that note, we pan to the helicopter. Trent/Justin and Ella/Dawn both are approved, and so are Sky/Cloud and DJ/Momma.

IZZY *Bouncing between geysers*  
Okay, this is boring now.

MAVIS  
Let's go say the sentence to swan lady then.

They drop from the geisers and go, nabbing spot number five on Helicopter Three. Right behind them is a panting Anne Maria & Jason, running from Leshawna.

ANNE MARIA  
Vinsamlegast Gefa Mer Mina Travel Abending now get us into the air!

JASON  
Yes, please, we're being chase by a VERY angry and sassy sister!

Anne Maria/Jason get the approval and get into the helicopter, which departs on the spot.

ANNE MARIA  
HA HA, Suck it!

LESHAWNA  
Damn! Goddamn it, they got away!

LESHANIQUA  
Don't worry, we'll catch them later.

Bjork waits for the sentence.

LESHAWNA  
Uh, okay, what do we need to do again?

LESHANIQUA *rolls her eyes*

Hey, at least ONE of us remembers what we were supposed to say.

She lunges an arm around Bjork and begins acting.

LESHANIQUA  
Vinsamlegast! Gefa! Mer Mina! *Begins to go low-key* Travel Abending…. *fades out*

Bjork looks at her oddly but gives her the tip either way, and Leshawna/Leshaniqua start off the last helicopter.

 **HELICOPTER 3** \- Izzy/Mavis, DJ/Momma, Sky/Cloud, Ella/Dawn, Trent/Justin, Anne Maria/Jason.

DON (Voice-Over)  
As helicopter three departs, helicopter two arrives at Skaftafell Park and teams from the first two helicopters begin working on the either-or.

LIGHTNING  
Lightining's in the mood for a feast!

JO *Munching on some eyeballs*  
Hey, jock for brains, this isn't a protein shake, I doubt you could handle!

LIGHTNING  
The Lightning can handle everything!

DARNELL *Points to Cameron*  
Except that little geeky boy, apparently.

LIGHTNING  
That was a slip-up, and he made a robot suit, and I STILL got this close to beating him. This time, no excuses pops, we're going all the way to the end.

JO  
I'd like to see you try. And fail. Repeatedly.

Heather/Alejandro head to fossils. Scott/Albertha, Chef/Brick and Sugar/Sparkle head to feast too.

SUGAR  
Oooh, I was really craving for some food right now! *Pulls out the lid on the feast and reveals the gross combination of food* Yum!

DAKOTA

Okay, we're NOT going feast, we're going fossil.

PHILLIP  
Sure, darling, let's get a move on and try to get a good placement!

DAKOTA  
*Picks up a pickaxe* One second though because - production, can I get a miner outfit? Oh, this could end up being so good!

PHILLIP  
What are you talking about right now?

DAKOTA  
I'm talking about my mining photoshoot, of course, I definitely CAN'T pass up this opportunity to get some cool shots. Call the paparazzi, please!

PHILLIP

But, we're going to lose the lead if we call them like this. We need to call them where we are going to BE instead of during a challenge so that motivates you to move faster!

DAKOTA  
Yes, I know, and it's working, isn't it? I think I deserve a big photoshoot as a reward!

PHILLIP  
Uh, okay darling, just for you, for a little while!

DAKOTA  
Oooh, thanks daddy! I love you so much! Now production, where is the miner outfit I asked a while ago?

We cut to the people inside the mine. Vivi is slowly mining away.

VIVI *Singing a workers song*

Workin' all day and all night trying to get my cut.

ZOEY *Singing along*  
Slavin' down at the mine underneath the scorching sun

JOSE *Tags along*

Strippin' away my sanity, acting just with my gut

VIVI  
Oh how I wish that we'd be on the run.

They continue humming. Alejandro and Heather, just entering the caves, are completely weirded out by it.

ALEJANDRO (Conf)  
For the record, Jose is NOTHING like that. He's playing those girls.

/

VIVI (Conf)  
Okay, he singed along so vigorously. Maybe he's not so bad after all.

ZOEY (Conf)

I told you!

/

DAMIEN (Conf)  
You were genuinely enjoying that song.

JOSE (Conf)  
Well yes, it was a fun song, after all.

DAMIEN (Conf)  
Don't forget the plan, dude. The PLAN is what matters!

Eva and Jo simulaneously slam down the platters of the feast.

EVA and JO

Done!

They staredown each other and furrow their brows.

JO  
You really think you can beat me?

EVA  
I know it.

They begin running towards the chillzone, where Don awaits.

DON  
The first two teams are arriving, oh boy, that's gonna be tight finish isn't it? I love photo finishes! They're exciting!

Jo/Cameron overtake Eva/Tyler. Eva/Tyler overtake Cameron/Jo. They get closer to the finish line.

…

…

…

…

…

FLASH.

DON  
And… it IS a photo finish!

TYLER  
Uh... so who got first?

DON  
I don't know, because somebody snapped a photo and blinded me.

Pan to the side and Dakota is posing with the miner outfit and a bunch of paparazzi are taking photos of her.

DON  
Congratulations, you're both first and you'll never know who was ACTUALLY first.

Tyler and Cameron shrug, but both Eva's and Jo's eyes twitch. Max and Scarlett arrive after them with a fossil.

DON  
Max and Scarlett, third place!

SCARLETT  
Good, but these fossils are clearly fake.

DON  
...you think a national park will actually allow us to get historic artefacts? We make do with what we have.

SCARLETT  
Fair enough.

SCARLETT (Conf)  
Did you decide who you want to antagonize yet?

MAX (Conf)

No… not yet. This kind of thing takes time. Be patient, young grasshopper.

SCARLETT (Conf)

Sure….

DON

Courtney and Bridgette, 4th place! Lightning and Darnell, 5th place!

DARNELL  
At least we rebounded from taking Helicopter Two, but 5th is not enough.

LIGHTNING  
Next time gold's ours, pops.

DON  
Jose and Damien, you're 6th! Zoey and Vivi, you're 7th! Scott and Albertha, 8th! Sugar and Sparkle, you're 9th!

SCOTT

Dammit, we ALMOST beat Zoey!

VIVI  
Well better luck next time.

DON (Voice-over)  
As Helicopter Four departs, Helicopter Three just arrives at the park and the teams begin work on the challenges.

IZZY  
Hey, let's do both again!

MAVIS

Oh, you bet!

They head for the feast table first.

ANNE MARIA  
Yeah, no way I'm eating that… whatever that is. Let's go mining! Ugh, hope we don't have to put on a helmet.

JASON

Mining it is! I wished we had some kind of jumper, I find some of them so cute.

ELLA&DAWN *instantly after seeing the feast*

Fossil.

DAWN (Conf)  
I mean, not even in a million years I'd eat something like that, I rather be eliminated!

ELLA (Conf)  
I'm glad Don added another option. It would be awful if it was an obligatory challenge and we HAD to do it to stay in.

Trent and Justin, DJ and Momma and Sky/Cloud all head for fossil.

PHILLIP  
Dakota, helicopter three arrived, we need to get goin!

DAKOTA  
Daddy, there's like still, eight teams behind us. We have time, don't worry!

Phillip looks worried.

DON  
Heather and Alejandro, 10th place! Brick and Chef, you're eleventh!

Fast-forward a bit, helicopter four just arrives. Leshawna and Leshaniqua barrel through.

LESHAWNA  
Out of the way, I got an ass to kick.

LESHANIQUA  
You go girl!

LINDSAY  
Uh, hm… feast seems like it will be faster.

PAULA  
But it will definitely be grosser… Ugh, we're not in a position to nitpick though.

LINDSAY  
Yeah, I think we have to head for the feast.

LINDSAY (Conf)  
I'm sorry stomach, but we're going to need to endure this!

Paula's just sitting there, crying, holding her stomach.

Katie and Sadie look at each other.

KATIE  
Fossil.

SADIE (at the same time)  
Feast.

They look at each other.

KATIE  
Oh, I'm NOT eating that, I'm sorry!

SADIE

It's going to be faster, though! And the Ice Cave is going to be super slippery and I don't like slippery things!

KATIE  
Well I don't like eating eyeballs!

SADIE  
Well, uh, tough break! We're feasting!

KATIE *Getting angry*  
We're mining for fossils!

SADIE *Angry*

Eating!

GWEN  
Why don't we reach an agreement and you both shut up?

KATIE *Mad*  
Okay, we're doing whatever Gwen's NOT Doing.

GWEN  
Oh, thank the lord. *Thomas snickers*

MIKE  
Manitoba used to explore some caves in his free time…

VINNIE *a bit annoyed*  
Then we're feasting.

Mike/Vinnie, Duncan/Chase, Katie/Sadie and Lindsay/Paula are feasting. Leshawna/Leshaniqua, Gwen/Thomas, Shawn/Jasmine, Chris/Blaineley are searching for fossils.

PHILLIP  
Okay, that's it missy, we're going to do the challenge now!

He just drags Dakota into the cave, away from the paparazzi, who's still taking photos. Dakota just pouts.

DAKOTA  
But daddy...

More teams arrive at the chillzone.

DON

Sky and Cloud, 12th. DJ and Momma, 13th. Anne Maria and Jason, 14th. Shawn and Jasmine, 15th!

They hug, glad to have left the bottom positions.

DON  
Izzy and Mavis, you're 16th!

They don't step on the chillzone and, cackling, head to the fossils.

DON  
...or not. Duncan and Chase, you're 16th.

DUNCAN  
Meh, whatever.

CHASE  
At least we climbed two positions.

DON

Leshawna and Leshaniqua, you're 17th! Ella and Dawn, 18th! Trent and Justin, 19th! Seven teams remain, who's the one that will go home?

We cut between the remaining teams. Lindsay and Paula are struggling to eat the feast, and so is Katie - but Sadie is pigging out and they're finishing. Izzy and Mavis are cackling and hitting everything with their pickaxes.

Chris and Blaineley are slowly chipping away at a fossil. Dakota ends up breaking one for not knowing how to use a pickaxe. Gwen picks up an intact fossil.

THOMAS  
Nice work.

GWEN  
Meh, it's okay, I like dead things.

We cut to the chillzone, where the last few teams are arriving.

DON  
Mike and Vinnie, 20th! *Their mood drops for continuing to be on the back* Gwen and Thomas, 21st! Katie and Sadie, 22nd! Chris and Blaineley, 23rd!

Blaineley sighs in relief after narrowly avoiding elimination last time.

BLAINELEY  
It's not great, but we'll take it.

DON  
And it's DOWN to the wire! Three teams remain! Who will go home? The nutjobs, who are willingly doing both sides of the either or, again? Daddy's girl and Daddy himself? Or the two clumsy sisters?

Cut. Lindsay and Paula rush to finish the detour while Dakota is carefully trying to get another fossil. Izzy and Mavis are jumping around randomly, juggling fossils around.

LINDSAY & DAKOTA  
Done!

MAVIS  
Okay, time to get going so we're not eliminated!

Cut to the chillzone. The three teams are racing towards it. Izzy and Mavis are the clear lead. Tyler is waiting there, hoping Lindsay doesn't go home.

DON  
It's going to be close! Ooooh, it's going to be close!

10 seconds remaining on the penalty timer. Tyler is biting his nails, then Eva's nails, then Don's nails.

DON

Who's going home? The suspense is killing me! Also, ew, Tyler, gross.

LINDSAY  
We need to make it! There's so many other places we need to visit!

PAULA  
I did NOT eat that many carbs to be sent home!

PHILLIP

Let's hurry, darling!

DAKOTA  
I'm doing my best, daddy!

Izzy and Mavis reach the chillzone with a lot of breathing room.

DON  
Izzy and Mavis, you're 24th! Only one safe spot left!

Lindsay and Paula overtake Dakota and Phillip. Dakota and Phillip overtale them back. They're toe-to-toe…

…

…

…

…

...

…

DON  
Lindsay and Paula, 25th place! You're still in! Daddy's girl and girl's daddy, you're cut from the race! Take your paparazzi with you as well, please!

Tyler jumps around, cheering.

PHILLIP *Approaches him with a check*  
Can't we reach an agreement and you let us accompany the race so my little girl gets more airtime?

DON *Monotone*  
Yeahhhhh, hahaha, no. Sorry, you're done.

* * *

 ***Cuts to them remembering their moments on the race***

 **DAKOTA  
** **I guess fame REALLY got to my head, huh?**

 **PHILLIP**  
 **Yeahhh, I should have known. It was a motivator, but it also made you a bit too spoiled.**

 **DAKOTA  
** **Still, pretty big bummer we didn't last longer! At least this time I'm for SURE getting my spin-off.**

 **PHILLIP**  
 **Did you already get a call from the network, darling?**

 **DAKOTA**  
 **Oh, for sure! And Sam, can't wait to see you when we get home!**

 **PHILLIP  
** **Yes, Sam, I believe we should get started on the marriage preparations as well.**

 **DAKOTA *Laughs for a while before getting serious*  
** **He's not kidding!**

* * *

Please drop a review! It really helps to see how the story is going and what are its good points.

And today, we have a question:  
 **WHO SHOULD BE MAX'S ARCH ENEMY?**

Drop a suggestion and I'll look into it! Thanks for reading :)

* * *

 **PLACEMENTS**  
Tied for First - Cameron/Jo & Eva/Tyler

3rd - Max and Scarlett

4th - Bridgette and Courtney

5th - Darnell and Lightning

6th - Jose and Damien

7th - Zoey and Vivi

8th - Scott and Albertha

9th - Sugar and Sparkle

10th - Heather and Alejandro

11th - Brick and Chef

12th - Sky and Cloud

13th - DJ and Momma

14th - Anne Maria and Jason

15th - Jasmine and Shawn

16th - Duncan and Chase

17th - Leshawna and Leshaniqua

18th - Dawn and Ella

19th - Trent and Justin

20th - Mike and Vinnie

21st - Gwen and Thomas

22nd - Katie and Sadie

23rd - Chris and Blaineley

24th - Izzy and Mavis

25th - Lindsay and Paula

 **26th - Dakota and Phillip (ELIMINATED)**


End file.
